To think don't invite people at all if you can't afford them.

[Krumbum]

My fiancées cousin is getting married.
We are going with his parents and sister, I'm invited to the wedding ceremony then I have to go away (I don't drive have no idea where I should go!) while fiancée and his family go to the meal but then I get to come back for the party bit. it's not just me, it's many other people who are being sent away too.
Isn't this a little odd? I've never heard of anyone doing this before.
I understand they don't have much money so cant afford to feed everyone. But having my fiancée but not me seems weird. I would just invite to the after party. Or have a smaller wedding and not invite my whole distant family! Just feels like I'm being shut out. Aibu?

No I wouldn't. An evening only do has already told me that I'm a second division "friend or relly" and has thus caused offence. Only justification is work colleagues afaiac or for farming folk, the staff coming over to join the party.

Most weddings I have been to have been wedding, reception and possibly a party into the night but not with lots of people who were only important enough for the evening do arriving. Ours was a late wedding, an early(ish) dinner and was meant to finish at 9. The weather was brilliant, the band (actually a string quartet) were happy having been plied with champagne all day, my mother kept the champagne, beer and pimms flowing, we left at 10.30 and understand it packed up at about midnight - and a jolly good time had by all.

*Glass of Rose"

I remember your thread about pay/free bars! So glad to hear the update.
£6 for a coke!

Mandy Do you honestly think Glass felt honoured to be invited to share their 'Special Day' in those circumstances?

The registry office we had for the ceremony would only take about 30 people! As it happened that was all we could afford to have at the reception anyway, and yes some more friends/work colleagues turned up the pub in the evening - what are you meant to do if you can't afford a huge venue for the ceremony too, but still want to throw a big party for everyone you love? I'd travel for an evening do - have gone a couple of hundred miles and stayed overnight for one, in fact.

Well the problem with evening only invites is that it gives off the vibe of you're not important enough to attend the actual wedding but you can come celebrate with us (feel free to bring a gift)

I wouldn't be offended about an evening invite for a work colleagues wedding, but if a close relative or friend gave me an evening only invite I think I may be a little insulted. If they meant that much to me I'd go... but if it meant travelling miles and spending a fortune I might decline.

GlassOfRose - I think requiring the best man to borrow a £250 suit is quite something. Plus the expense of the accommodation. I'm not surprised you're annoyed.

Mattdamon -

Pre wedding I thought they were a nice couple (bride seemed bossy) and i was hoping all the kerfuffle leading up to the wedding (not sure If you see my paybar thread?) would resolve itself after. Now I just think the bride is a self absorbed -zilla. Shame it cost so bloody much to realise how lovely the couple are

"I've never understood the 'we didn't have space' argument,"

Fair enough, I'll have another crack at helping you understand. We had a room for the reception. It held 34 people. Some of them had to breathe in at the start of the meal and only exhale when they went to the toilet ;) For the benefit of the spendthrifts it was free :) Most people have more than 34 friends and relatives and we are no exception. We felt it was better to invite two more people that we knew well rather than two partners we'd barely met. You really don't understand that?

I don't have a problem with evening only invites - we did this for work colleagues. There were also some friends of our parents who got an evening invite and, come to think of it, some parents of our friends also came along in the evening. However, we did not expect anyone to travel more than a couple of miles, in fact, most evening invites went to people who lived within about 5 minutes walking distance. I would not expect to travel any significant distance to attend just the evening, nor would I be prepared to travel so far that an overnight stay was required.

It is also rude in the extreme to invite only one half of a couple to the whole thing whilst expecting the partner to find something else to amuse themselves between the ceremony and the evening. Actually, i think it's rude to exclude one half of a couple from a wedding invitation, full stop.

inabeautiful -

Did you invite family members and close friends without their partners?

Family members no, but most family are not in the uk. Close friends yep, a couple we had to invite solo because we didn't really know their partner. There were no +1s.

You had to invite close friends solo because you didn't know their partner well . Well, you didn't have to really, you decided to. Each to their own.

I think I'd be upset if a close friend of mine sent me a single invite when they know I'm in a relationship, even if they didn't know them particularly well.

Well yes, we had to because there physically wasn't enough room. We spent ages figuring out how to fit more into the room. If we'd have invited kids or some very small people a few could have sat on the mantelpiece.

Well, you chose to invite certain friends solo (those who had partners you didn't deem worthy) to meet your venues limit.

There are different ways to look at that kind of situation. Bridal party view - you miss out less important people to fit who you want in at the wedding. The guests - solo invite because they don't deem my relationship serious enough.

It wasnt that we didnt think they were worthy. It was more the fact that they wouldn't have been able to sit anywhere.

I get that but I'm just trying to convey what It's like to be on the receiving end of that, because technically they weren't worthy - they were the ones not invited so that others had somewhere to sit

The two guests were absolutely fine btw. One of the uninvited partners was a bit put out though.

Don't get me wrong, I don't feel good about it, just never really thought of it as a massive insult. I struggle to see it that way because I wouldn't be the least bit offended to not be invited to the wedding of someone I'd never met.
Obviously it's less of an issue if you have a bigger wedding, but we had no money at the time.

My dh wouldn't even consider going to any part of a wedding to which I wasn't and vice versa. The only exception possibly being a work colleague which the relevant partner had never met, and maybe not even then. It is immeasurably rude to invite one half of a couple, particularly if they are family (married or not).

*to which I wasn't invited, sorry.

It wasnt that we didnt think they were worthy. It was more the fact that they wouldn't have been able to sit anywhere.

But it also says to your friends "celebrate my wedding, but don't expect me to acknowledge YOUR relationship"

It says "wait outside or go elsewhere- I don't know you and I don't want you included"

It says "my choice of venue is more important than the feelings of my guests and their partners.

In a nutshell, let's say it once again- it is RUDE to split a couple's invite! (understandable if they have only just met however)

I think I would skip the ceremony and just go to the evening do.

Very rude imo to not invite to meal. It will leave a lingering negativity towards new couple.

Glaring- exactly- it does leave a lingering negativity.

The couple who excluded me from their reception (and they offended loads of people that day) always raise a tut and an eye roll from people years later, rather than a "aww, that was a great wedding, they are so nice"

We had more people at the evening do, but it was mainly just local friends of my parents and some very distant relatives that I can only remember ever meeting a handful of times. I would not have expected anyone to travel for just an evening do. As it was, we had a small wedding (50 ish people) because we wanted we don't have huge families or masses of friends, and that was the maximum number of people you could fit in our venue for the ceremony and sit down meal. We chose that venue as it meant the least amount of travel for the most people (and it was beautiful).

I've heard of the ceremony/gap/
reception thing, which I think is a bit weird, but understand if you've got a big church and lots of local people coming.

Are you expected to get them a present?

Wow - only just read this thread.

My DH and i got hitched 3 months ago. We had a small wedding in a stately home on a budget. Everyone to everything.

Loads of hand-wringing over aunts, uncles and cousins or no aunts, uncles and cousins as each meant +1 for their PARTNER. Wouldn't have dreamt of inviting them alone.

In the end it would have meant an extra 30+ people and we just could not afford it - so we invited immediate family and closest friends + partners only.

MIL got a bit uppity but that's another thread.

It also meant that even with only 30 guests there was one person there i'd never met, and two my partner had never met. All 3 of these people were partners of guests. But they were hugged, kissed, fed and watered along with all the 'special' people. Every single person loved their day. Wouldn't have had it any other way.