To think don't invite people at all if you can't afford them.

[Krumbum]

My fiancées cousin is getting married.
We are going with his parents and sister, I'm invited to the wedding ceremony then I have to go away (I don't drive have no idea where I should go!) while fiancée and his family go to the meal but then I get to come back for the party bit. it's not just me, it's many other people who are being sent away too.
Isn't this a little odd? I've never heard of anyone doing this before.
I understand they don't have much money so cant afford to feed everyone. But having my fiancée but not me seems weird. I would just invite to the after party. Or have a smaller wedding and not invite my whole distant family! Just feels like I'm being shut out. Aibu?

"Seems that you have been unfortunate in the weddings you have attended!"

about 50/50 have been to absolutely lovely weddings and some tedious ones

either way the meal is always my least favorite part, the ceremony is the best part and the evening bit is nice too.

I like meeting people to, but you get better banter with the splinter group ceremony and evening group if you end up choosing the same restraunt

also nicer to meet people in the more natural mingly environment of the evening part

I woul go arond asking if anyone wants to join you to the pub for the inbetween bit, then have so much fn you forget yo go to the boring vening do!

You are not unreasonable, it is rude of them and I agree if you can't afford then you shouldn't send out the invites

but the thing about invites is they are OPTIONAL

some people don't want to go without an all day invite, some do, you have the choice, I don't think the couple are UR for giving you the choice.

I've never been to a wedding like the one you describe. Usually church and day/evening reception or just evening reception. I personally would find the type of invite you describe quite insulting and would decline.

I think this split wedding is a southern thing. My best friend lives in London and has a southern boyfriend, she's been invited to two weddings where she's been to reception and night do. Both weddings have been family friends of her boyfriend. She's found it a pain, and would prefer to just do the night do. Her boyfriend thinks it perfectly normal.

I was appalled at this sort of behaviour and was determined not to have all this messing about at my wedding.
It seemed so rude.
I got the latest possible time for my service ( think the law might be changing but it was something like 4pm)
Then we all trooped over to the church hall for a party and a buffet.
Not very high end but at least everyone was welcome

Church and night do even

I would be a bit disappointed with an evening invite that didn't welcome all to the ceremony too. For one the ceremony is public so they can't NOT invite you technically, second, the ceremony is the point of the day, hard to celebrate something you weren't part of.

I can't see how its a pain to find somewhere that suits you for lunch in London, or someway to pass a few hours there! middle of nowhere with no food serving pubs or cafes and nothing to do.. yes that would be a faff! but if the wedding is near a town its really not

I have heard about this happening only in the past couple of years. I have never had an invitation like this myself but would not dream of going if I did. I think it's the absolute height of rude, entitled behaviour to expect guests to entertain themselves for hours on end because they didn't 'make the grade' somehow. If you can't afford to feed people, then don't invite them at all.

Am waiting to hear for further suggestions other than delaying the wedding for avoiding these kind of problems. We had room for 34 people at the reception. Why is it rude to not invite a +1 that you've met once but fine to not invite a close family friend? Initially we were going to have 10 people and there was significant protest!

I think its bizarre Ive never heard of it before. Only being invited to the evening do, yes, thats not unusual but the ceremony and the evening do is daft.

the 'split' invite works ok i think if the church is in one place and the evening reception somewhere else, it just gives you more time to travel from one to the other (via a nice pub lunch ) - however, it's ridiculous to split couples who would obviously be travelling together...

btw. i am speaking as a guest, not a bride - we didn't do church and just had everybody to everything.

I went to a wedding like this once - attended the ceremony, went off to a nearby friend's house who cooked us a stir fry, then went back for the evening. I really didn't mind it, but then I had people to hang out with and my boyfriend was with me.

I think it's the splitting up of couples that's naff, tbh - if I couldn't afford to feed a +1 for every dinner guest, I'd scale back on the meal rather than the number of people. (But my wedding involved chips down the pub, so...) It also depends on where the various events are. If the ceremony and/or evening do are in the arse end of nowhere, or really far away from each other, then it's pretty rough to leave people to make their way alone. If it's all happening in the same town, which has pubs for lunch, cafes, shops etc., then I honestly wouldn't mind being left to amuse myself for a bit. I'm quite a solitary soul, though.

How incredible rude to invite one half of a couple to part of a wedding,

OP, find some friends and go for a break somewhere fun that weekend, hang out with people that value your company,

It's a very strange thing to do,

Just reply you have other plans, go somewhere you are wanted.

Weddings in churches are public, weddings in private venues aren't.

I think it's unspeakably rude. I'm 'southern' and I've never been invited to a split shift wedding. I've been invited to the evening do only and that's fine. I've also been invited to the reception but not the wedding itself and that's also fine.

Asking you to amuse yourself for a couple of hours in the middle of the day (especially if a wedding is a long way to travel) is Not Fine.

Weddings in private venues have to be public too, it's part of the law surrounding weddings. In theory, you are unlikely to get any randoms turning up to a ceremony in a hotel or posh venue, but technically, all weddings are public events.

This is also the reason why you have to give notice of your marriage and get a licence, either by having it on the notice board in the town hall or registry office for three weeks, or by having banns read in church.

My Uncle tried to do the same when he got married 25 years ago. All his family travelled 100 miles or so and we were all invited to the wedding, meal and evening party apart from his neices and nephews, 9 of us raning from 11 to 19. My mum went mental at him, telling him it was disgrace that he expected us to travel so far but would then make the kids go sit on the coach whilst they had a huge meal. If he could afford to invite 200 people to the reception he could afford to invite his neices and nephews. He did backtrack and we were all invited to everything, none of us cousins knew anything about it for years afterwards.

My best friend also did the same at her first wedding, her new MIL wasn't keen on the wedding at all and stated at the actual wedding 'hurry up I want to get my shopping done' She then invited bride and groom and 10 others to have a little celebration at a restaurant, friend had already organised a meal at a pub for everyone for later. When they got to the restaurant friend almost died laughing, they had only taken them to McDonalds.

The rest of the party went to the pubs and whiled away an hour before we had a meal at a different pub with the chosen few.

If you were me I would either find out who else has been excluded and drag them along to a local pub for your own 'reception' or politely decline the invite.

How old are you? Because I would think you're old enough to ignore his parents "being insistent" he goes to the meal. And if they carry on with how hurt the other one is about him not going, tell them you're pretty hurt too, at not being invited. You're his fiancee, for goodness' sake, not some one-night-stand.

The reason I think it's rude is that people give up a whole day to the wedding. Yet they are there to make it anazing and for the couple to feel loved and popular but then treated as 2nd class citizens and told to bugger off for a while. It's not the money for a lunch that is the issue IMO.

That does sum i up nicely, Matt