to want him to stop being so angry

[linioj]

My sister put my brother's details and forged his signature as her guarantor for rent (she suffers from depression). She fell behind on her rent and so he ended up liable and he did pay her rent using the savings he was given on his 18th birthday (this was back in March). He hasn't spoken to her since and everytime its brought he goes into a foul-mouthed rant about how he hates her.

I want him to let it go and forgive her because she has vowed to repay him and she has already started to put money aside to do this, the money he used was money given to him not money he had earnt and then saved. Also if he hated her he wouldn't have paid it and would have had her evicted.

DP says that I underestimate the level of betrayal (I know what she did was terrible) but it really upsets me and it is breaking my mums heart to see the level of hatred and contempt he has for her. I know I'm probably being U and he is only 19 but would it be too much for him to forgive and forget.

YABU he's been robbed and feels that his whole family has told him he should take it on the chin.

The fact that she works in a bank is extraordinary as he's not only stopped her being evicted he's saved her career as if she had got a fraud conviction then she'd could kiss ever working as a cashier again goodbye.

Sorry I missed the post about moving house. Still the rest of my post stands in terms of what she did.

Well lets hope she doesn't help herself to the banks customers money.

Would she lose her job if he went to the police? If so she is extremely lucky.
If she is working why did she get behind on the rent?

Your brother deserves a medal. And a better family.

You brother sounds like a young man to be very proud of and a much better person than most of us.

The majority of people, myself included would have not only not paid the money but got her done for fraud!! A bit of anger is the correct way to feel, not that he needs your or your mothers permission to feel it.

Give you brother a bit of support and you may find he starts being less angry!

Cashier in a bank! she could lose her job over this surely if db decided to go to the Police. Can she arrange a loan and pay him back?

ldr I am not sure. The OP says she is depressed. I think she probably is depressed but not to extent of this behaviour. I suspect she has it or has previously had and this is being used as another excuse for her.
But I am sure the OP will be all along shortly to tell me I am wrong.

I have depression. Have I defrauded, stolen from, and manipulated any of my nearest and dearest lately, let me think ..... Er, NO!!!!!

Truly appalling behaviour by the sister which needs, as your DP says, to be acknowledged and put right.

As for the self serving bollox about not seeing him, well she can transfer money by Internet banking instantly? Or perhaps she has not saved any for him as she has led you to believe?

OP there has not been one dissenting voice on this thread so far. Must be hard for you to read, as I appreciate you are deeply involved and love all concerned, but YABU to expect him to stop being angry, hurt, feeling betrayed and let down by you all.

What a life lesson for a 19 year old, your own family will steal your 18th money and nobody else will stand up and say "oi, that's bang out of order!" poor kid.

What if your brother had planned to do something with that money only to find that his big sister had stolen it from him. So he has to shelve his plans and suck it up whilst everyone worries about big sis.

He is 19 and she has stolen not just his money but also some of his independence and everyone is just patting him on the head and saying never mind she didn't mean any harm.

You and your mum should be forcing your sister to repay her debt to your brother as soon as possible and no he shouldn't have to see her to get the money if he doesn't want to.

How much did she steal?

How much does he owe her? How much has she saved up so far?

What is stopping her from giving the money to you or (she works in a bank FFS) wiring it to your brother?

Why did your db pay the money anyway?
If she forged his signature, then that's fraud and he most definitely is not liable.

Depression or not, your sister is out of order.

*she owe him, obviously

Yes, dprince, I'm not suggesting depression excuses her. I think it's more the case that the OP is acting this way because she cares about her sister and is exaggerating the effects of the depression to excuse her. It's a really understandable thing to do IMO - even though I am sure it's wrong as the brother has clearly not had enough family support.

Dprince- She'd almost certainly lose her job over it. The brother is a star by the sounds of it and is being kicked around like a scraggy dog by his family

What an awful thing to do to anyone, let alone her own younger brother.
He did step up and he paid her debt and now she wants forgiving? She needs to earn his forgiveness and I doubt he'll be able to trust her again.
She should get a loan and pay him back in full.

The 'i was going give him it but he wouldn't see me' sound like the many excuses some men give for not paying for their children.
Honestly OP I think you are being taken in as well. Why did she get behind on her rent? How come she has now all of sudden or spare income to save. Have you ever actually seen this money?

I have tried to pass on the money but he point blank refuses it and she's also tried to transfer it to him but he sent it back

lin, has she tried apologizing? Or sitting down with him or her own?

He is clearly very upset and maybe a way to look at it is, he hasn't called the police on her so he is giving her a lot of consideration really, and maybe he is worried about her too.

Cashier in a bank. Good grief. Is anybody's money safe with people like her working in banks. Sorry but I am totally shocked. She obviously does not realise the seriousness of her crime. Which is very worrying indeed.

YABU and if you carry on with your current position then he'll end uo hating you too

Well then she can send him a cheque. Put it in a separate bank account for him for when He does want it. She could post it through the door.

Disclaimer: have only read the first page.

I'm struggling to envisage a situation where a 19 year old boy is able to stand guarantor for the tenancy contract of someone older than him, and that his details could so easily be forged, and then HE is still liable.

It all sounds very odd, and I am amazed he paid up at all, instead of just going to the police/landlord and telling the truth. I am amazed you seem to be siding with your sister. Depression is not an excuse for fraud and deception. Your DB has been very badly treated.

What is his reason for not accepting the money? He sounds really angry? Has she said or written to him a grovelling apology?