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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Didn't come home

396 replies

CinnamonSal · 22/07/2012 09:38

My partner went to the pub yesterday afternoon and as yet is still not home. His phone has been off since around 11pm. Am I being unreasonable to think this is a complete disregard for me and be absolutely livid?

OP posts:
PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 22/07/2012 10:44

He might not have a bird. Dp goes to his mates and plays cards. No women there, quite frankly the state of them no women would want to be.

It's a possibility though of course.

StuntGirl · 22/07/2012 10:45

I don't understand people saying don't call the police; if my boyfriend didn't cone home it's the first thing I'd do, out of worry. He might not be in a hospital but what if something has happened and he never made it to a hospital? Fight, hit and run, passing out because of drunkeness, mugging...

I really don't see it as wasting police time, rather using them for what they're there for!

Imisssleepingin · 22/07/2012 10:46

Do not waste anymore hospital time or police resources on this. If he had been arrested or in hospital you would have been contacted by now.
But you know thats not where he is, he's done similar before. I can't believe you don't know who he's out with and don't know any of his friends. How long have you been together?

NarkedRaspberry · 22/07/2012 10:46

I think I'd try to go and do something nice. Go for a walk in the sunshine or arrange to meet a friend for a coffee. Don't let his thoughtlessness ruin the rest of your day. And it will really throw him if you aren't there by the phone when he deigns to come home and you don't get angry with him.

FushiaFernica · 22/07/2012 10:47

I don't think the police would be at all interested if his last known place was the pub.

NarkedRaspberry · 22/07/2012 10:47

Is that really helpful Imiss? Would you like to have more of a go at the OP?

Imisssleepingin · 22/07/2012 10:48

stuntgirl he has done similar before so the op knows he is just out on the piss.

Imisssleepingin · 22/07/2012 10:49

Eh ? I'm not having a go, just asking her not to waste police time !!

NarkedRaspberry · 22/07/2012 10:50

Re-read her posts. Have some empathy.

Chubfuddler · 22/07/2012 10:51

On the plus side coping on your own would not involve spending 24 hours wondering if your partner is dead or alive or ever coming home. You'd be amazed how well you can cope when you don't have this millstone round your neck.

Original poster
CinnamonSal · 22/07/2012 10:51

I know his friends I just don't know their numbers. I don't know who he went out with yesterday I'm not his keeper.

OP posts:
Original poster
CinnamonSal · 22/07/2012 10:53

Thanks for all the support to those who have given it. I don't think police will be interested at this point. Maybe once he has been 'missing' 24 hours?

OP posts:
lauraandeve · 22/07/2012 10:53

don't think ringing up and asking the hospital/police if they have him is wasting their time its not the same as reporting him as a missing person and regardless of if he went out on the piss he could still have hurt himself and may not have been capable of giving (new) contact details - years ago a boyfriend of mine went on the piss and didn't come home everyone told me not to ring the hospital so i didn't, 2 days later i did and found him in our local hospital having been whacked over the head with a snooker cue - he also was a serial offender for buggering off for days on end! not saying this is what has happened just saying if concerned its doing no harm to ask! Confused

lauraandeve · 22/07/2012 10:54

would then go out and do something nice for a bit after checking Grin

StuntGirl · 22/07/2012 10:55

I saw that he's done similar. He doesn't usually do this. As this is out of character I'd call the police; put my mind at rest I'd done everything I can and try and get on with my day as best I could. If something has happened the police would find out, if nothing has happened and he strolls in later on then it'd be time for a serious chat to discuss our future as a couple.

FushiaFernica · 22/07/2012 10:55

He will probably be reluctant to come home as he knows he will be in trouble, making matters worse for you. Tis rubbish for you.

Showmethemhappyfeet · 22/07/2012 10:55

Do you know anyone he would have stayed with? Do you have any of his friends on FB? Or could you private message them on FB? Worked when my little bro went off the map for a few days.

FartyMcTarty · 22/07/2012 10:55

What if he's had an accident and hasn't been found? Do you know where he was when you last heard from him?

Chubfuddler · 22/07/2012 10:56

I'd struggle to contact Dh via his mates, there's nothing untoward about that. I've hot his best friends number as he's also a good friend of mine. Apart from him if I couldn't get hold of Dh I'd be at a loss too.

I would call the local police station or non emergency number for your area force.

Softlysoftly · 22/07/2012 10:56

Cinnamon you would surprise yourself I think about coping with depression alone, tbh if he knows your mental state currently and isn't doing anything to help and support you, itis more than likely he is part of the problem. Perhaps if you boot him the world may seem a less stressful place full of future possibilities.

You do not need a newborn, depression and a burning internal frustration and anger at a feckless fool.

Hormonalhell · 22/07/2012 10:56

I think its disrespectful and wouldnt tolerate it

littlemissbroody26 · 22/07/2012 10:56

you poor thing! yanbu feeling angry, I would be angry aswell as very worried.

I'd call the police, then when he does come home he can have the shame of calling them and telling them he is safe, they probably won't do much about an adult being missing for such a short time but at least it will be on their info so if anything did turn up they would know to contact you.

My guess is that he is hungover on a friends sofa, not a good way to behave for a grown man with a family but I hope that is what has happened rather than anything else.

Frontline · 22/07/2012 10:57

I agree wasting police time.
Done it before etc. plus they'd have rung you

littlemissbroody26 · 22/07/2012 10:58

could you put a post on his facebook wall tagging him in it so his friends might become aware of him not coming home?

StuntGirl · 22/07/2012 10:59

Just so you know cinnamon the 24 hour missing thing is a myth - you can report someone missing at any point.

If you genuinely think he's just being an inconsiderate swine then try and go about your day without thinking about him. Go see your parents/a friend, go shopping, have a nice coffee and cake in cafe, something for you. Look after yourself x

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