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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Didn't come home

396 replies

CinnamonSal · 22/07/2012 09:38

My partner went to the pub yesterday afternoon and as yet is still not home. His phone has been off since around 11pm. Am I being unreasonable to think this is a complete disregard for me and be absolutely livid?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 22/07/2012 10:27

I think it is rather odd that he keeps his friends secret from you.

How did you meet?

rhondajean · 22/07/2012 10:27

Unless I've misread, it was Thr last time he stayed out all night that he said he would be home at eleven, not last night?

GhostShip · 22/07/2012 10:28

Oh you poor thing. I used to live with situations like this regularly and I know how it feels. He ws a scumbag ex though.

Hope he comes home soon, safe and sound and ready for an earful.

RaisinDEtre · 22/07/2012 10:28

Cinnamon, have you posted about him before?

Margerykemp · 22/07/2012 10:29

This is not how a would be father should behave.

Is he abusive (because this is emotional abuse) in other ways?

I think you should consider very carefully whether you should allow this man child to be a part of your baby's life.

Schrodingershamster · 22/07/2012 10:29

How will you feel if he had done this and left you alone with a new baby to look after ? What if you were unwell or something this time ? Or the next ?

I would be having a long talk with him when he gets home. I would be very angry and very very upset if it was my DP.

taboot · 22/07/2012 10:29

My ex did this once, went out with his brother one night, turned his phone off and went on the missing list until 3pm the next day. I called hospitals, police, his mother, his friends and he eventually came home, wandering down the street with an idiotic grin on his face. His excuse? Drunk and asleep in his brother's car! I lost it and threw the frying pan at him! We weren't together for too long after that, it was a step too far and something I wouldn't do!

Sighingagain · 22/07/2012 10:29

I'm sure you've posted about the 20 min thing before - weren't you frantic like this recently?

Original poster
CinnamonSal · 22/07/2012 10:32

He doesn't keep his friends secret he just said he was going to the pub and tbh I wasn't overly interested with whom. I don't mind someone having a social life but either lying to you and saying 'i'll be home in 20 mins' when it's more like 4 hours is the height of selfishness. Last night he was apparently going to be home after some football match that would have ended at 7.30ish I think. Must be playing some amount of bloody extra time in that game!

OP posts:
Original poster
CinnamonSal · 22/07/2012 10:33

I've not posted about him before btw.

OP posts:
monstermissy · 22/07/2012 10:34

Really sorry you have to go through this, having spent 16 years living with a selfish twat forever in the hope one day they may change, i would say if your not happy for this to be you norm then leave now. Once the baby arrives it will become more frequent.

(Although i hope it is just a one off and he steps up and dosent worry you like again)

StealthPolarBear · 22/07/2012 10:34

So have you heard from him yet?

DeWe · 22/07/2012 10:34

"Also do not call his friends family etc
It's embarrassing to act like a lover's mother"

but if he's just dossed down with one of them without giving Op a ring to say he has... then he's embarrassed maybe next time he'll think first.

Sighingagain · 22/07/2012 10:35

It's just selfishness - I'd be livid in your case because he is just sleeping it off somewhere - it's just a step up from not coming home for hours - even if at the outside something has happened it's a boy who cried wolf scenario.

There is another poster in a similar boat - her other half texts to say he is on route - then doesn't show for hours and hours - he's also out drinking.

Ad I said ex was like this - now he is an ex.

Original poster
CinnamonSal · 22/07/2012 10:36

Not heard anything. Phone still off.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 22/07/2012 10:37

Surely you need to be calling police?

Pickles77 · 22/07/2012 10:37

Out of interest cinnamon have you thought about what your going to do or say when he does come home?,

Original poster
CinnamonSal · 22/07/2012 10:38

I'm suffering really badly from depression and I'm struggling with everything anyway. This is the last straw but I just don't want to have to cope on my own.

OP posts:
Frontline · 22/07/2012 10:38

He has some bird somewhere.

Original poster
CinnamonSal · 22/07/2012 10:40

I am thinking about finishing with him. I can't cope with him anymore.
I don't want to call the police he I'd not in the hospitals that's all I care about if he's in a cell then it's his problem for being a twat!

OP posts:
Original poster
CinnamonSal · 22/07/2012 10:40

Cheers for that frontline

OP posts:
Original poster
CinnamonSal · 22/07/2012 10:41
  • if he's not in hospitals
OP posts:
PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 22/07/2012 10:42

Does he have any friends where he might have gone back to theirs after the pub?

Dp does this at times, I expect he is passed out drunk somewhere but I would start to be getting worried now.

Is there anyone you could call who might know where he is?

I'd go full on batshit about it, you really don't need this shit!

Pickles77 · 22/07/2012 10:43

I think you'd find it a lot easier to
Cope alone than to put up with this stress!
How long have you been together & is your house rented?

FushiaFernica · 22/07/2012 10:43

You poor thing-what a twunk he is. He is not taking drugs is he? See what he is like when he gets it.