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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Didn't come home

396 replies

CinnamonSal · 22/07/2012 09:38

My partner went to the pub yesterday afternoon and as yet is still not home. His phone has been off since around 11pm. Am I being unreasonable to think this is a complete disregard for me and be absolutely livid?

OP posts:
GhostShip · 23/07/2012 21:09

Sal I will say one thing, he was a tosser plain and simple. You reacted in a way any woman would. There is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with how you reacted. You didn't react like that because of your past or present depression. Xx

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 23/07/2012 21:36

Bisjo that's pretty much the most massive overreaction I think I've seen.

He's done it once. Seriously. You have no idea what sort of father this man will make.

I hope it's a great one, none of us have any evidence to the contrary.

downbythewater · 23/07/2012 21:52

Pickles is talking sense. Take my DH- he is a lovely bloke and great dad to our 2 DC. Works hard, generally pretty dependable. In the past 3 years he has twice failed to turn up from a works night out. First time he fell asleep on a train and ended up in the back end of beyond. Second time he ended up staying over a a mate's but neglected to call me til the next morning. The last time I gave him such a rollocking, and he hasn't done it again. Blokes are just idiots sometimes.

Original poster
CinnamonSal · 23/07/2012 22:24

When the drinks in the wits out. As my gran always says!

OP posts:
lovebunny · 23/07/2012 22:38

is he back, is he safe, do you still want him? yes, yes, yes? sounds ok.

Nanny0gg · 24/07/2012 08:35

Unfortunately it just takes some people (not just men) a while to grow up. The evidence for this is on this thread.

This may be the wake-up call your DP needs, Sal.
I hope all goes well for you both in the future.

Thanks
NonAstemia · 24/07/2012 15:05

God alfuckingmighty some people seem to have such sad little lives that the only pleasure they get is picking apart other people's as though it's all an interactive soap opera! Hmm

OP as you are thankfully already aware, noone on here can possibly know what he was doing, whether he'll do it again, or what kind of father he'll make. Many of them think they can, but they are just projecting their own experiences onto you.

I've watched this thread from the beginning and I'm really glad he turned up safe and well. He was being a tosser, which as you pointed out above, was probably due to the drink. I hope he realises how much he upset you and that gives him pause for thought next time around.

I'm terrible for saying 'I'll be home in twenty mins' then getting sidetracked; it's not malicious (or because I'm busy fucking someone else Hmm), it's just thoughtless and because I get caught up chatting. Luckily my DP knows what I'm like and it isn't an issue at all. If he's going out for the evening I wouldn't necessarily ask where and who with, so I don't know why people were Hmm at you not knowing those things either - he's your DP not your child! I would be frantic if he stayed out all night though, as he would be if I did, so I really hope your DP realises how out of order he was.

Please don't let these nasty little posters plant insidious doubts in your minds that will just make you feel worse. Draw on real life support and please go and talk to your GP if you're feeling depressed. Wishing you well with your relationship and your pregnancy. Smile

NellyBluth · 24/07/2012 15:32

Here here, nonasteia. I've also been following this thread and, OP, I'm glad he turned up safe and well. My DP can also occasionally get the worse for wear to do stupid things, decide to stay out late, let his phone die etc. Don't let the posters who know nothing about your relationship get to you. Only you know how you feel about this and how you want to take this further. Yes, he was a tit for doing this, but it doesn't automatically mean he is a terrible person or that he is going to be a terrible dad. FWIW, my DP had a few real nights before baby was born where he got far too drunk, stayed out too late etc - he wasn't 'emphasising his boundaries' or anything serious, he was just having a quite natural little panic about how the baby would change our lives and let that lead to getting a bit too drunk. I think he felt it was his last fling of freedom or something like that. He is a wonderful dad now, and doesn't like going out and getting as drunk as he used to do, because it means he misses time with DD.

Good luck with your baby x

NonAstemia · 24/07/2012 15:46

Thanks nelly and I totally agree with this too -

FWIW, my DP had a few real nights before baby was born where he got far too drunk, stayed out too late etc - he wasn't 'emphasising his boundaries' or anything serious, he was just having a quite natural little panic about how the baby would change our lives and let that lead to getting a bit too drunk. I think he felt it was his last fling of freedom or something like that.

LaQueen · 24/07/2012 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Frontline · 24/07/2012 18:33

i think there is a line between enjoying a drink/being drunk and going AWOL when drunk.
And i speak as one who has a H with a pub based social life.

GhostShip · 24/07/2012 21:19

I agree with frontline. Theres no excuse at all and it's nothing to do with having fun or falling asleep. Staying out till 4pm the following day with no contact at all is absolutely disgusting and a blatant disregard for the one you love.

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 24/07/2012 23:06

Op is aware it's not acceptable which is what she was asking about. People are saying their own stories as some posters seem hell bent on telling op he is having an affair/going to be a bad father etc.

GhostShip · 25/07/2012 07:49

She was questioning whether to leave him or not at one point, which suggests there's more going on.

It's very probable he isn't having an affair but he's still done something wrong and I'd question if i could be with someone like that. I still don't understand why he didn't worry for his pregnant wife when he noticed she was out at 1am :(

kickingKcurlyC · 25/07/2012 08:08

It is a very rude and stupid thing to do. I hope he is sorry.
Anything else, none of us can project. See the future, whether he will do it again, see inside his heart, his reasons, his potential issues that drive him. We can't!

JumpingThroughHoops · 25/07/2012 08:55

Round of applause there for laQueen who has made one of the only rational posts on this thread.

Wyatbloom · 19/03/2017 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Babbaganush · 19/03/2017 11:25

ZOMBIE !!!!!!

Kayleigh164 · 12/09/2018 00:07

Hello,

I am 38 weeks pregnant and my husband who doesn't have a history of this, went out clubbing and stayed out until 6am. Not only am I upset by this, I am overly convinced that he has cheated.

Usually I would never jump to conclusions or suspect this from him. However his story doesn't add up or make sense. I have asked him if he cheated and his reply is a simple "no"
He has just moved here from Australia, and my brother and him were out having a chat about work. My brother isn't drinking as he's driving and decides to leave the pub after an hour or so, my husband decides he wants to stay out and drink and makes friends with this random guy and that's who he apparently ends up staying out with all night. It just doesn't make sense to me, for starters my husband isn't friendly in that way and I also messaged him asking him to come home and he said no... The biggest question I keep asking myself is, what was so important that he decided to stay out and choose whatever he was doing over coming home to his heavily pregnant wife. He knew the consequences of staying out and doing this to me, as the past weeks leading up to this haven't vwne good between us.

He has been a nightmare to me since I've become pregnant. Completely uninterested and useless. Hasn't helped me at all, I tell him all the time how down I feel and he just doesn't care. Which has surprised me as we usually have a good, caring, loving and honest relationship. Although since moving to the UK a few months ago, things have been very strained and tensed with us.

Im unsure of what to think but I have this horrible gut feeling telling me I'm right. I'm unhappy with him, he knows this. However it's not as simple as us breaking up, when my baby is due any day now, and if we decide to split up, how we do split our time up with our son between two countries. It's not fair that our son will have to split half his time between the UK and Australia, I don't even know how that would work..? And then what happens when he goes to school, where does he live? Who gets to see him more? We aren't residents of each other's counties so as much as I'm unhappy and convinced he's cheated I don't know how I can leave him when I have my son to think of now and his future.

Gersemi · 12/09/2018 01:47

I suggest you start a new thread rather than tagging this on to an ancient Zombie thread.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 12/09/2018 01:54

Yeah Kayleigh164 start a thread, you sound unhappy

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