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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband problem-Wedding photography

209 replies

Moony33 · 19/07/2012 15:54

We've just got married and the whole thing had been a total nightmare. I've done virtually all the planning(though 90% of the cost was paid for by hubby) My husband has a brother who's a very experienced wedding photographer, but whom hubby also wanted as best man. My husbands brother has had a bad time of it lately so he thought it a good idea for him to do both roles and was told by a close family member that it "would break his heart" if he couldn't do both. I thought this was a terrible idea. When the photos arrived, despite a few good images, the quality was nowhere as near as good as I expected with a lot of the classic images missing and some bad quality shots I've now gone absolutly ape for days at my husband blaming him completly and have said the "marriage is deteriorating before our eyes". I've more or less demanded that he pay to get additional photos done and how he should have hired an external photographer but what makes me the most upset is that he took his brothers feelings over mine. I'm not sure I can forgive and forget until he pays for another photoshot. The photography was a wedding present but i'm so very upset.

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 19/07/2012 18:50

I also fear we are being led down a disengenous path. But assuming otherwise, you are taking the concept of being unreasonable to places it rarely visits.

It's always a risk getting family members to take wedding photographs if you place such importance on them that you are prepared to lose the plot completely when you see the results.

Also, while you can do a nice arty series of post-wedding shots - I recommend idling about in the sort of surroundings that we now describe as "post modern urban decay" - but you can't actually recreate the day. But then the day really ought to be as much about the memories you hold in your head, as it is any printed record. Although clearly, your head appears to be full of the deterioration of your marriage so maybe there isn't a great deal of room for rationality thought to find a space in there.

I say this as a photographer who was forced pressurised into allowing ex-h's cousin to take the shots rather than my colleagues on the paper I worked for. The end results were distinctly iffy but the comedy value more than made up for it.

TheVermiciousKnid · 19/07/2012 18:50

Nice try, but still not reasonable enough.

Maybe the brother hates the wife (for no good reason) and is really nasty to her. He messed up the photos on purpose.

SauvignonBlanche · 19/07/2012 18:56

This has to be joke?
'I've gone ape for days'...Hmm

TheBigJessie · 19/07/2012 18:56

Cross-post!

Pandemoniaa · 19/07/2012 18:57

I've gone ape for days'..

Now that would have made a good picture. Especially if the ape stood like a T-Rex.

Dprince · 19/07/2012 19:08

I wonder if the brother used the OPs m&s wash cloth and she actually now secretly hates him. :)

TheBigJessie · 19/07/2012 19:11

I've got it! The brother got drunk at the wedding, and she knew he would, but fiancê/now husband wouldn't listen.

TheVermiciousKnid · 19/07/2012 19:13

The brother got drunk at the wedding and tried to get off with the OP.

whattodoo · 19/07/2012 19:26

OP, I know how you feel.

I had my pfb a few weeks ago, and my DP pushed me to agree to his BF (who is a professional photographer) to do the birthing photoshoot.

The lummox got distracted by all the hoo-ha and didn't take any of the pics you'd expect Didn't use soft focus on my flower or anything.

It's not unreasonable to get the whole thing re-enacted and photographed properly, is it?

Maryz · 19/07/2012 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fireandashes · 19/07/2012 19:40

Okay, I'm going to have a shot:

"AIBU? My wife and I married a short time ago. She ended up doing almost all of the planning (I said I'd help but I work really long hours so was too tired most nights). The only thing I had to sort out was the photographer.

With one thing and another I didn't get round to booking a professional photographer. My brother, who I'd already asked to be best man, has done a few weddings as a photographer so when he asked what we wanted as a wedding present I said he could take our photos.

My wife wasn't very happy about this as she thought he'd have enough on his plate with his best man duties. I thought about telling him we'd changed our minds but a relative told me it would "break his (brother's) heart" not to do our wedding. He's had a few problems recently and I didn't want to rock the boat so I left things as they were.

We've got the photos back now and they're very disappointing. There are a couple of decent images but the quality is poor and a lot of the classic poses are missing. My wife is really upset and blames me, this was the only part of the planning I was responsible for, I didnt listen to her concerns and now we only have a couple of acceptable photos as a record of our day and to send to any friends and family who couldn't attend.

My wife thinks I should organise another photoshoot with a professional photographer in our wedding finery. She's inconsolable and thinks our marriage is "deteriorating before our eyes". AIBU?"

therumoursaretrue · 19/07/2012 19:52

YANBU to have wanted a separate photographer, if BIL was acting as best man. Too much responsibility as photos are really important to some people and I would have felt the same as you about this.

YANBU to be disappointed you haven't got the photos you wanted but YABU with the 'going ape' and deciding your marriage is deteriorating over the head of it. Marriage isn't about the material things at the end of the day.

Give your DH a break, it's done now! Maybe you could have a 'cherish the dress' type shoot in a while, and the idea some PP's suggested of asking guests for copies of photos is good. You and DH could put a big album together as husband and wife...look at it as an opportunity to reflect on your day and enjoy the time together!

kitbit · 19/07/2012 19:53

Wifezilla.

That's a new one on me.

kim147 · 19/07/2012 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheBigJessie · 19/07/2012 20:22

The wife is beginning to sound quite reasonable now, actually. Good going!

Quip · 19/07/2012 20:24

no one looks at wedding photos. That's the bit that ££££££ wedding photographers always forget to mention. You might look at it once or twice afterwards, but then the fancy schamzy album just gets put on a shelf and looked at once or twice a decade. If that.

OP sounds a bit bridezilla. If you're freaking out that much at your DH re the photos it doesn't bode well.

YvonneMcGruder · 19/07/2012 20:34

The marriage is deteriorating before your eyes just because you have a crap set of wedding photos?! Oooookay then. Hmm
I think you've got far bigger problems within your relationship than a set of ruined photos if that's the case!

TandB · 19/07/2012 21:14

My go! My go!

How about:

I recently got married to my long-term partner. I wasn't too fussed about getting married, to be honest, but she nagged and nagged about it until I finally gave in and told her I would pay for the massive wedding she absolutely had to have Hmm as long as she made all the arrangements and didn't expect me to get involved. I made it quite clear that all I expected to have to do was to turn up on the day, not too ridiculously late, and not too drunk after a few beers with my brother the night before.

The costs were getting a bit out-of-hand what with the fifty million bridesmaids she apparently needed, and the hundred and fifty guests she insisted on having. I did try to cut the guest list a bit but she wasn't having any of it - it's not like her 107-year old great-grandmother is even going to remember whether she was there or not. Joke obviously!

Anyway, my brother offered to do the photography. He has been a bit down recently and everyone thought it would be good for him, and it was going to save me a bit of dosh so I said yes. My darling wife wasn't at all happy, probably because she wouldn't be able to get every minute of the 5 hour process of getting her hair and make-up done on camera because my brother was also my best man and would be with me.

Well, the photos turned up a few days ago and my brother has done a right job on them. There are whole load of naked backsides and a few close-ups of pints of beer, but not a single one of those soft-focus bollocks with the bride gazing into space which was apparently what she wanted. I made the mistake of laughing and she has now been going ape for days. Seriously, she hasn't stopped nagging and moaning except when she has been asleep. She wants some of the photos re-done and I have told her I have no intention of getting trussed up in a morning suit for a second time - she's lucky I did it once. When I told her that she got all dramatic and announced that our "marriage is deteriorating before our eyes". FFS.

AIBU to tell her to shove it?

Maryz · 19/07/2012 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 19/07/2012 21:21

I know who Yvonne McGruder is without googling Grin

TandB · 19/07/2012 21:21

Ah bollocks. I thought I had captured the "unreasonable bloke's biased slant on entirely reasonable wife's motives".

[returns to the drawing board]

TheBigJessie · 19/07/2012 21:22

This is the best thread ever!

TandB · 19/07/2012 21:22

Rimmer's ex, wasn't she? Or did he just have a massive crush on her?

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 19/07/2012 21:24

To be fair, I think kungfupanda's post is the closest to reasonable the OP has sounded yet. And there's still some distance to go!

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 19/07/2012 21:25

Yeah, she's the only woman Rimmer ever had sex with.

"Twelve minutes. And that includes the time it took to eat the pizza."
(I did google the quote!)