Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband problem-Wedding photography

209 replies

Moony33 · 19/07/2012 15:54

We've just got married and the whole thing had been a total nightmare. I've done virtually all the planning(though 90% of the cost was paid for by hubby) My husband has a brother who's a very experienced wedding photographer, but whom hubby also wanted as best man. My husbands brother has had a bad time of it lately so he thought it a good idea for him to do both roles and was told by a close family member that it "would break his heart" if he couldn't do both. I thought this was a terrible idea. When the photos arrived, despite a few good images, the quality was nowhere as near as good as I expected with a lot of the classic images missing and some bad quality shots I've now gone absolutly ape for days at my husband blaming him completly and have said the "marriage is deteriorating before our eyes". I've more or less demanded that he pay to get additional photos done and how he should have hired an external photographer but what makes me the most upset is that he took his brothers feelings over mine. I'm not sure I can forgive and forget until he pays for another photoshot. The photography was a wedding present but i'm so very upset.

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 19/07/2012 16:06

The only photo my granny and grandpa ever had of their wedding was of my granny alone in the rain next to a drainpipe. They were happily married for 58 years. Get a grip.

cocolepew · 19/07/2012 16:07

What do you mean by 'a lot of the classic images missing'? You mean they're lost ior you didnt get them done? If the latter you should have asked for them.

Everybody loves 'the bride staring out the window ones'.

Fecklessdizzy · 19/07/2012 16:07

You've got some nice ones so what's the problem?

My parents wedding photos were taken by my dad's mate, who was a very decent photographer when sober but had rather overdone the celebrating and had his thumb over the lens in quite a few and chopped random relatives off in odd places in most of the others. The photos were crap but the marriage is still going strong nearly 60 years later. I'm not quite so sanguine about yours unless you chill out a bit ...

ethelb · 19/07/2012 16:10

How many picture of a weddings do you need? Just a nice portrait shot and a group picture is all your children want to see surely?

You can just put your frock back on and book a portrait session can't you?

MrsBucketxx · 19/07/2012 16:10

YABU

as the others have said they are only photos mine live in a cupboard. i don't like most of mine and i paid a fortune for them.
i think you would find it hard yourself having a dual role at a wedding.

have a cuppa and look at the bigger picture.

MsElisaDay · 19/07/2012 16:11

The important thing is surely that you got married, not the photos?

We didn't even have an official photographer at ours, as we simply couldn't afford one. Instead, we got guests to email us the best shots, and we made an online photo album out of that. Yes, there's none of the traditional family line-ups, but there's loads of lovely pictures that capture the spirit of the day. Some more formal ones, some quirky ones, a real mix. I love them.

You sound like a bit of a nightmare, to be honest. Your husband did something kind for his brother, who sounds like he needed a bit of kindness. He in turn presumably saved you (well, your husband) hundreds of pounds by doing your pictures for you, and you throw a strop for days?

And now you want to play dressy-up and get some new pictures donw. I don't get the point in this at all. The pictures won't be of your wedding, they'll be of you posing. If that's what you want then fine, but I think it misses the point.
Why did you get married - just to play at being princess for the day? Or because you love and respect this man and want to spend the rest of your life with him? If the latter, I think you should grow up, apologise, and stop ruining what could be a very happy honeymoon period.
He's probably wondering what he's let himself in for.

twofurryones · 19/07/2012 16:11

"marriage is deteriorating before our eyes"

Yep definitely sounds like it from your post, you really need to think about what is more important to you, your wedding photos or your marriage.

Original poster
Moony33 · 19/07/2012 16:13

The only other issue is that he's was so little help with the preparation. He wasn't the only one as I've several members living close who didn't seem to want to know. I know he works hard with long hours and takes care of the all the household finances, but he would often say he was too tired. To cap it all he stayed at his brothers house the night before saying it was "traditional"

OP posts:
TheVermiciousKnid · 19/07/2012 16:14

The wedding photos are more important than the actual photos? Really?

My husband volunteered to take photos at his sister's wedding. When he wanted to develop the film (this was before digital cameras...) he realised he hadn't put a film in. Grin She is still talking to him - I don't think she was even particularly cross with him. But then she values her marriage (and her brother!) more highly than wedding photos.

TheVermiciousKnid · 19/07/2012 16:14

Maybe he didn't want a great big wedding? Did you actually talk about what you both wanted?

TheVermiciousKnid · 19/07/2012 16:15

The wedding photos are more important than the actual photos? Really?

That is of course meant to say 'The wedding photos are more important than the actual marriage.'

FairPhyllis · 19/07/2012 16:15

Your DH's family WBU to push you into having the brother as photographer. It is often a bad idea to have friends or relatives do the photos because you have no recourse in this sort of situation and resentment can build up.

And YANBU for being disappointed with the photos, but you have to move on and make the best of the situation. Get pics from guests and frame the few nice photos you do have. Most people only have a couple out on show anyway.

TeWiDoesTheHulaInHawaii · 19/07/2012 16:16

I'm sure your guests took photos, ask them for copies.

I was given gorgeous photos by guests after our wedding.

cocolepew · 19/07/2012 16:16

Ummmm it is traditional, you can't only have tradition when it suits you.

Why should family members care?

The world isnt revolving around you, you do know that?

pinkdelight · 19/07/2012 16:16

Do you work? Only asking because you say he covers all the finances and 90% of wedding costs. So if you don't work, it's fair enough you did all the planning. Plus it sounds like you'd probably have overruled any plans he made anyway. Seriously, let it go. It was just a wedding. Move on and enjoy being married.

Binkyridesagain · 19/07/2012 16:17

Isn't the grooms job just to make sure he gets there? And the best mans job is to make sure he's sober enough to say his vows?

MsElisaDay · 19/07/2012 16:18

Okay, this has to be a wind-up.

Nobody can be so self-obsessed that they get angry with their husband for being tired, when he "takes care of all the household finances", "works hard with long hours" and also paid for 90 per cent of the wedding.
As for him allegedly being "so little help with the preparation", I'd say that he was a huge and vital part of the preparation, having paid for this ludicrous shindig.

Why don't you go and have a private moan over your (probably fictional) bad wedding photos and stop wasting people's time?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 19/07/2012 16:18

OP seriously are you for real?? Your marriage is deteriorating because of some crappy photos and the fact that your DH didnt help with the planning of the wedding??

You must have had a rock solid relationship before you got married Hmm

My DH didnt get involved in the planning of our wedding, I couldnt care less! Seriously, pick your battles otherwise your marriage wont make its paper anniversary!

akaemmafrost · 19/07/2012 16:19

I think if I was your DH I would be thinking "WTAF have I got myself into here?" and making plans for a swift exit.

Seriously you need to Get A Grip.

eurochick · 19/07/2012 16:19

Yes, it's disappointing, but it really shouldn't be causing your marriage to deteriorate! As others have said, ask guests to email their photos. We got some great shots from guests. In fact a couple of my favourites are guest shots.

ripsishere · 19/07/2012 16:19

Imagine that, he wanted to spend the evening before your wedding apart from you.
I wonder how you propose to retake the pictures. Will you invite all the same guests to the same church with the same celebrant?
IMO, you would do well to get over it. I can't remember where either of my two wedding photo's are.

sugarice · 19/07/2012 16:20

When we got married dh didn't have anything to do with the arrangements other than sort his suit out and turn up. He didn't even get that right as he was in the pub and I had to go around the block as I got there before him.Git!

ll31 · 19/07/2012 16:22

you sound massively unreasonable tbh.. surely the marriage is whats important not photos of it

cocolepew · 19/07/2012 16:22

I imagine he would like to be spending a few more nights away from you.

TheHappyHissy · 19/07/2012 16:23

"To cap it all he stayed at his brothers house the night before saying it was "traditional""

Did you not know about traditional wedding stuff? he's right! It's supposed to be bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding.

Email your guests and say that you want to create a montage of photos to complement the ones you have (thereby avoiding upsetting BIL)

If you are really still miffed that there are not enough pics of you in the dress, you can arrange for a separate photoshoot with you in the dress, but in alternative/improbably locations. A friend of mine did this, had shots taken in old factories, urban spaces etc, it was very arty and really nice, mostly black and white IIRC.

In the greater scheme of things, a happy couple is more important than a few photos. Seems as though you may have got a little too hung up on the details of the wedding and forgotten what the whole point of the day is.

Step back and take a long hard look at yourself and your new husband. Are a few photos worth the price of a DIVORCE? As that is the way you are heading if you don't get some more accurate perspective.