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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want nail polish on my 4yo!

304 replies

HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 10:12

I suspect I'm going to be told IABU but I've got to ask.

DD1 is 4. When she goes to a friends house to play she invariably comes home with nail varnish on. It seems that it's very normal for her 4yo friends to paint their nails, yes ever scarlet red, though just as often pink or purple etc. Many of her (girl) friends at nursery have painted nails all the time.

I don't like it - for lots of reasons including:

  • I think it is PART of the sexualisation of young girls which as a Mum of girls concerns me greatly. It's make up, its about feeling pretty and girlie - and I feel it is inappropriate for a 4yo. 14yo sure, 9yo, perhaps gritted teeth but 4yo is too young to be starting down this road.
  • the parents of her friends simply assume that it's OK. In their eyes it's harmless girlie fun I guess. This I could understand on an older child (though I still might not like it), but on a 4yo!! (I'm being a fuddy duddy??)
  • DD then asks for her nails to be painted all the time. I have on occasion given in and allowed her to paint her toenails (i.e. twice in a year). I use a silver glitter polish. I'm not entirely happy about this, but I have done it. (This makes me realise that the nail painting at friends homes has been happening since she was 3 Shock)
  • I then have to use highly toxic nail polish to get the stuff off & in the meantime its all chipped etc anjd looks nasty. I really don't like rubbing polish remover all over my little girls hands &/or feet (I have pretty much let the silver nail polish on her toes chip off). Also as soon as it comes off I then get constantly pestered to paint her nails. I say no (with the 2 exceptions when I have done her toenails silver glitter before a holiday & before a dress up party)
  • I object as a feminist, to young girls being encouraged to use make-up, or being subtly manipulated to feeling somehow 'special' wearing makeup. And it's clearly a 'girl' thing, to paint nails. I don't see any boys queueing up for it.

We've been to a couple of nursery/primary school fairs recently and they have nail polish stands with queues of young girls lining up - it's like face painting now. It's become the norm. I think this is sad and ghastly. Such young girls becoming mini-me's to their Mums.

I think a lot of this is about the Mum - 'dressing up' little girls. DD is NOT a living doll FFS!! She is not here to make YOU (friends Mum) feel better about yourself by "pleasing" young girls by painting them with toxic shit.

I believe in protecting and fostering childhood and childhood innocence for as long as I possibly can. Its a challenge in todays society and I really feel that this nail painting crap bites into that.

AIBU? Am I being unrealistic?

OP posts:
bogeyface · 19/07/2012 13:30

"AIBU"

"Yes you are a bit"

"NO I'M NOT!"

Yawwwwwwnnnnnnnnnn

bogeyface · 19/07/2012 13:32

Unchartered you want to watch those superhero princesses, they're hard! The one that came here broke a telly (although I suspect that may have been accidental) :o

UnChartered · 19/07/2012 13:34

oh she can't possibly do anything like that Wink

it's pink hair spray Grin

camdancer · 19/07/2012 13:38

You say "scarlet", your DD says "red". That's where the projection comes in.

complexo · 19/07/2012 13:40

As a woman who was raised pretty much as a boy with very short hair, boyish clothing, no dolls allowed I think YABU. In my pre-teens I would be called shallow and fussy if I wanted to let my hair grow, have a bit of accessories or even a cross body bag. I was supposed to keep stuff in my pockets. All because my pseudo-feminist mother was afraid I would have the brain of a Barbie doll if she treated me like a girl: do you want to know the result? I'm a pretty, slim tall woman who doesn't know how to dress to look after herself, who doesn't know how to look after her hair or put make up on and feels guilty every time she tries to do anything about it. I feel guilty if I buy or wear a nice piece of clothing or shoe. But the worth is that I was discouraged to think there was a Prince Charming for me in this world so obviously I have relationships with the crappiest kind of men since I don't 'deserve' better. Unfortunately she didn't helped much on the intellectual side either.

Mrsjay · 19/07/2012 13:40

unchatered google little girl in spiderman costume she has a red tutu on it is coolest thing My friend posted it on facebook the other day

( I cant post links )

Happygirl77 · 19/07/2012 13:47

YANBU (IMO!)

I too dislike nail varnish (heck, ANY make up) on little girls. My dd1 is 6 next month and she rarely wears it (first time last summer when she was a flowergirl, second time for jubilee this year). It does mean that dd2 (3) wants hers done too. (Ds is 6 months so oblivious at this stage!)

I also dislike small children having their ears pierced (shudder)

It sounds as though the issue is as much that it is accepted as the norm (your dd comes home with it on without you being asked first) as the issue itself.

Original poster
HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 13:51

Yes yes re air fresheners, anti-bac shite etc squeaky & uncharterd. I don't buy or use them. Traffic fumes are hard to avoid sadly. And sadly more and more people do fall very ill from cancer - environmental toxins and cancer is still quite controversial. but certainly links are increasing acknowledged by science. Some toxins like traffic fumes, are hard to avoid, others like air freshener and nail polish can easily be avoided esp WRT small children. If you think I'm barking mad, why not have a wee google on the subject?

Rumple I didn't say this prior to the first play date - it didn't occur to me to. I work FT so on the occasions when DD gets invited to play after school the parents (or nanny) pick her up from nursery with their DC and I collect her after work. I'm not about to stop DD playing with her friends on the odd occasion, with local families who I think are otherwise fine apart from having differing views re nail varnish Smile

OP posts:
UnChartered · 19/07/2012 13:55

i never said you were barking mad either..but am always open to suggestions Grin

RumpleStiltzkin · 19/07/2012 13:55

Complexo you make some interesting points and I can relate. But does this sort of education need to start at four?

Happygirl77 The OP told the other mother that she wasn't keen and they carried on regardless. So they may think it's the norm, but doing it against parent's wishes? I just don't get that at all. I thought parent's wishes were considered almost sacred! As I said a little up thread, I'm a new Mum to be and maybe I'm in for a shock in a few years!

Original poster
HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 13:56

bogey many people are saying IABU - and I am taking some of their points onboard. It is interesting to me.

But I don't just roll over and go oh yes you are 100% right I am wrong to feel that way - I will challenge some of their views that I disagree with and DEBATE their ideas. I'm not bound to agree with EVERYTHING everyone here says just because I post in AIBU. And some people have been downright aggressive or nasty so I ignore them.

There are also many people who are saying YANBU - or did you not see those replies?

So YAWN right back at ya.

OP posts:
Original poster
HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 13:57

woof woof

OP posts:
bogeyface · 19/07/2012 13:57

Intersting point.

I let me DD's use the nail varnish they invariably get given as gifts from well meaning rellies. I dont stop them or limit them at all.

The result? 3 days straight of multicoloured fingernails, and then nadda for 3 months until the next birthday. I found that when I said no it became a forbidden fruit and was far more attractive. When its just another toy, which is how I treated it by not going totally OTT Hmm, it lost its sparkle literally and metaphorically.

bogeyface · 19/07/2012 13:58

my not me

Original poster
HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 13:58

complexo I was raised similarly WRT dressing, make up, hair etc though not by a feminist.

OP posts:
UnChartered · 19/07/2012 13:58

i just hope you don't get fleas and need any 'nasty chemicals' to get rid Grin

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2012 13:58

Is this Spiderman girl MrsJay?

bogeyface · 19/07/2012 13:59

yeah, alright.......blah blah

bogeyface · 19/07/2012 13:59

Or scabies UnChartered :o

UnChartered · 19/07/2012 13:59

Worra that picture is beyond fab! awesome

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2012 14:00

I don't know if it's the right one UnChartered but she's gorgeous isn't she? Grin

feuerandwasser · 19/07/2012 14:02

You have read way to much into it...and have made yourself look a bit of a patrionising tool into the bargain.

Original poster
HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 14:02

bogey I didn't forbid it. I've been widely slated here and called a hypocrite for painting her toes twice. Before I had the sense to think things through. Before the whole world started paint her 4yo nails.

And I'd would say you are lucky with your DD. Mine would like it applied as much as possible. Mainly I think, because at every turn people are putting it on her and telling her she looks pretty. big fat yawn at that!!

OP posts:
UnChartered · 19/07/2012 14:03

oh dear..she's got her toe nails painted though... Wink

Mrsjay · 19/07/2012 14:03

That is her worra isnt it awesome and if i dare say it a little bit cute Grin