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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want nail polish on my 4yo!

304 replies

HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 10:12

I suspect I'm going to be told IABU but I've got to ask.

DD1 is 4. When she goes to a friends house to play she invariably comes home with nail varnish on. It seems that it's very normal for her 4yo friends to paint their nails, yes ever scarlet red, though just as often pink or purple etc. Many of her (girl) friends at nursery have painted nails all the time.

I don't like it - for lots of reasons including:

  • I think it is PART of the sexualisation of young girls which as a Mum of girls concerns me greatly. It's make up, its about feeling pretty and girlie - and I feel it is inappropriate for a 4yo. 14yo sure, 9yo, perhaps gritted teeth but 4yo is too young to be starting down this road.
  • the parents of her friends simply assume that it's OK. In their eyes it's harmless girlie fun I guess. This I could understand on an older child (though I still might not like it), but on a 4yo!! (I'm being a fuddy duddy??)
  • DD then asks for her nails to be painted all the time. I have on occasion given in and allowed her to paint her toenails (i.e. twice in a year). I use a silver glitter polish. I'm not entirely happy about this, but I have done it. (This makes me realise that the nail painting at friends homes has been happening since she was 3 Shock)
  • I then have to use highly toxic nail polish to get the stuff off & in the meantime its all chipped etc anjd looks nasty. I really don't like rubbing polish remover all over my little girls hands &/or feet (I have pretty much let the silver nail polish on her toes chip off). Also as soon as it comes off I then get constantly pestered to paint her nails. I say no (with the 2 exceptions when I have done her toenails silver glitter before a holiday & before a dress up party)
  • I object as a feminist, to young girls being encouraged to use make-up, or being subtly manipulated to feeling somehow 'special' wearing makeup. And it's clearly a 'girl' thing, to paint nails. I don't see any boys queueing up for it.

We've been to a couple of nursery/primary school fairs recently and they have nail polish stands with queues of young girls lining up - it's like face painting now. It's become the norm. I think this is sad and ghastly. Such young girls becoming mini-me's to their Mums.

I think a lot of this is about the Mum - 'dressing up' little girls. DD is NOT a living doll FFS!! She is not here to make YOU (friends Mum) feel better about yourself by "pleasing" young girls by painting them with toxic shit.

I believe in protecting and fostering childhood and childhood innocence for as long as I possibly can. Its a challenge in todays society and I really feel that this nail painting crap bites into that.

AIBU? Am I being unrealistic?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 19/07/2012 12:38

Sirzy the image was always a cute one but now he's over 20yrs old, it's a little disturbing to say the least Grin

camdancer · 19/07/2012 12:40

I think you see just your DD doing it and you worry about Feminism and the messages she is getting as she grows up. The trouble is that a lot of us see our DD's and DS's enjoy having colour on their nails and just see it as a bit of fun. My DS chooses his colour, my DD chooses hers. They didn't see it on me - I don't wear nail varnish except when DS or DD want to paint my nails (and hands, legs etc!) Yesterday DS came home from school having coloured in his nails with felt tip pen. I don't see painting his nails as anything different.

You aren't wrong to worry about the sexualisation of young girls, but a bit of nail polish is the wrong thing to focus on.

Aboutlastnight · 19/07/2012 12:40

"FFS do some proper parenting - do something interesting with the kids, don't just paint them cause its easy and makes YOU feel good!"

Wow aren't you the fantastic parent.

Original poster
HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 12:42

no I didn't squeaky - I think there is an element of that. The "only" in you statement changes the entire context into something quite different.

OP posts:
Original poster
HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 12:44

yes and thank you aboutlastnight

(actually I withdrew that stupid comment above at 12:23)

OP posts:
Original poster
HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 12:48

You aren't wrong to worry about the sexualisation of young girls, but a bit of nail polish is the wrong thing to focus on.

If there is one thing that I perhaps agree with IRO the people saying YABU, and that I will take away from this thread, it is that camdancer. Well certainly in that I won't stress about DD coming home with nail polish on.

What about the scarlet nail polish on 4yo? (Not mine but DD's friends at nursery). Is this 'just colours' too???

OP posts:
desertgirl · 19/07/2012 12:49

Bit of nail polish wouldn't bother me, though I normally only let DD and DS have it on their toes.

Whereas DD went to a 5th birthday party a couple of months ago, and in the party bag were (adult) eyeshadow and lipstick - not even subtle ones, the lippie is brick red. And she was over the moon (grr).

I do put make up on her from time to time though; ever since she had to dress as a mouse, she keeps wanting a pink (lipstick) nose and (eyeliner) whiskers...

Aboutlastnight · 19/07/2012 12:50

I'd also be aware that it may well be your little girl who asked for nails to be painted. Children have a habit of asking for the forbidden at other peoples houses. Friend does not have a TV and whenever her DD comes to play she is desperate to watch it to the point that I let her watch 30 mins or so just do she doesn't get upset. Meanwhile my DD is desperate to play.

DD1 went to a pampering party a few months ago where the girls ( they are 8) put on make up nail varnish and whatnot. dD1 enjoyed herself very much but wants to go horse riding for her party. She enjoys rock climbing and swimming too.

You have up let them experience many different things as they get older, then they make sense of the world. DD1 is raised an atheist but still goes to the Sikh temple with her friend.

MsOnatopp · 19/07/2012 12:56

So a woman is looking after your child and letting the girls have a bit of fun and this is a problem to you? Nail varnish isn't that sexualised IMO. If it were other make up I may see your point but not nail varnish.

Red is red. If you want to sexualise it in your mind then fine but not everyone has too. It's a just nice colour.

DS has had his nails painted. I can't see why I would treat a daughter differently. I think you are really over thinking this.

Whilst I largely agree with feminist ideals I think this is the kind of OTT thing that puts people off.

UnChartered · 19/07/2012 12:56

when i see a 4yr old with nail polish on, i see a 4yr old with nail polish on

nothing more, nothing less.

MsOnatopp · 19/07/2012 12:59

Agree with aboutlastnight about letting them experience things.

Mrsjay · 19/07/2012 13:01

Agree with aboutlastnight about letting them experience things.

^^ this Smile

Original poster
HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 13:08

I think it is clear in my OP that this has not been 'forbidden'.

I am heartened to hear of all the parents of young boys who also enjoy getting their nails painted. I don't know any, and I've never seen any of the boys at nursery or any of DD's friends with painted nails, and I didn't see any queuing up to get nails painted at the school fairs, so it's good to know that they are out there and this isn't just a make up thing.

OP posts:
pictish · 19/07/2012 13:08

I have a little dd of three and a half, and although I have never painted her nails (I don't wear nail varnish myself) I know that she'd LOVE IT if I did...not because it would make her feel prettier or more grown up, but quite simply because she'd like the colours and the novelty factor.
My four year old son would enjoy it too, for exactly the same reasons.

If my little ones came back from a playdate wearing varnish, I would not give a single hoot.

Honestly, what a pointless thing to get the hump on over!

squeakytoy · 19/07/2012 13:09

"bet you didn't let your DS wear those high heels out of the house, and why not? because it's not age appropriate"

no, not really, mainly because it would be safe as they would be too big and too high for a child to walk in.. nail varnish (AFAIK) does not pose any risk of broken ankles

pictish · 19/07/2012 13:09

I also agree with unchartered

Why turn it into something it isn't?

Oh yeah - because there's nothing like a good carp is there?

Original poster
HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 13:13

no broken ankles - it's just a known carcinogen Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 13:14

Pictish I cba. Life is too short.

OP posts:
pictish · 19/07/2012 13:15

Quite.

Original poster
HipHopOpotomus · 19/07/2012 13:22

when i see a 4yr old with nail polish on, i see a 4yr old with nail polish on

I see a 4 yo with make up on. Make up that doesn't wash off in the bath. Make up that I have to apply nasty nail polish remover, to a tiny child, to remove. Make up that I have no issue with on adults, or teenagers but I feel is age inappropriate for a 4YO.

It does seem from many of the post here and from the behaviour of DD's friends parents, that nail polish on 4yo's is now part of the zeitgeist. I think that's a bit sad.

OP posts:
Aboutlastnight · 19/07/2012 13:24

Why is it sad?

squeakytoy · 19/07/2012 13:25

again, I dont see anyone dropping dead from wearing nail polish.. do you OP?

traffic fumes are probably way more damaging to the health, and all those squirty air fresheners pumping out chemicals into your house..

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2012 13:27

And anti bac shite on every surface

RumpleStiltzkin · 19/07/2012 13:28

Personally, I think make-up, including nail-polish, on a young child looks really quite unpleasant. But that's a personal (possibly cultural) view and a lot of people here feel differently. Although I do get the argument that it can be seen as playing with colours as opposed to a beautifying thing. It's not like I'd mind face painting for example.

But what I don't get is that other parents painted your dd's nails even after you said you weren't keen on it. I can't imagine that any of my mates would even dream of doing something to a child of mine that I said I didn't like.

I am new Mum to be and so this is my question; when you have kids do you then start acquiring Mum friends and leaving your kids with people you would never have chosen to hang out with if you weren't parents? I just can't grasp the concept that you would ask a friend not to do something with your child and them ignoring your preference.

Am I totally naive with a lot to look forward to?

UnChartered · 19/07/2012 13:29

but you are projecting YOUR perception onto other people's behaviour

you say that adults who paint DCs nails do it for their own pleasure

you say (but then retract it) that it's lazy parenting

you say that it's sexualising young children

when PPs on this thread are telling you that is not the case with them

that is not sad, it's BU

(btw, whilst i've been posting and watching this thread, i've also spray-painted DDs hair pink, she's wearing a tiara, tied a cape round her neck and says she is a superhero princess. watching Bagpuss on dvd)

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