To think my brother and sister in law are bad parents?

[Oxygene]

Please tell me if i'm over reacting.
My BIL has two lads (13 & 14)and when we go to our MILs for Christmas, they do nothing from the minute they get up to the time they go to bed but play violent war games on the xbox. Not only is it totally anti social when your supposed to be visiting family but I don't agree that a 13 year old should be allowed to play violent and aggressive 18+ restricted games. You wouldn't allow your kids to watch porn would you?

They can't see any wrong in this. The only time they stop is to go the loo and have tea and even then they're texting while at the dinner table. The kids are rude and anti social. We went camping with them last year and I was shocked to see the eldest lad knocking back bottles of blue WKDs. The mum said it was ok so long as they drank with the family so it could be monitored and they could do it responsibly. So it's ok to break the law so long as it's done behind closed doors?

Their dad is now pushing the youngest boy into the caddets where he's allowed to vent off aggression and play with rifles. Fine, if you want to join the army when you're older but glamourising war and allowing kids to play with guns is something I can't agree with.

On one hand they are over strict with them but not where it matters. They've sent them to private school so they can get a strict education but they seem to be going off the rails and the parents just can't see where they're going wrong.

I have a thirteen year old and this sounds like normal teenager behaviour tbh. Although I do have to say that drinking a box of wkd its over the top, I let my ds have one Smirnoff ice or a glass of bulmers on special occasions.

Lol, ThePig

I'm getting the impression it would be better if the kids got pissed drinking champagne on the yacht than WKD on the campsite

Wrt to the screen-glued family refusing to play games with you, OP ... Bless, it's horrid when nobody wants to come out and play, isn't it? Never mind, sit quietly with a good book and the day will be over before you know it.

I've suggested that even in the summer holidays we take them all to a theme park so the lads can let off steam and we can all enjoy a day out as a family but it gets brushed aside and all that happens is, they end up going down to the caravan or we end up having to go to visit them as it's always us who have to make the effort, which always involves sitting around in the house while brother sits playing on his phone and occasionally they'll have a BBQ which is good but the boys are always inside on the xbox. It's such hard work to be around people like this when me and my OH are so used to doing things together which doesn't involve sitting in front of a screen or sitting around drinking whilst updating your facebook status.

I went out with an old friend from school last week and all they wanted to do all night was sit reading and posting facebook messages. After a couple of hours I made the excuse to leave and said I had to be home early as I was sick of being ignored. I get so bored and frustrated with people who's lives revolve around being glued to their phone when they should be socialising in company. I went to a party last new year and there were loads of people sitting there texting all night or posting on facebook. Are people losing the ability to physically socialise?

'There's only so much I can stand of sitting around watching other people glued to a tv before i'm pulling my hair out'

Totally with you on this and cannot believe the pasting you have had on this thread. Ok, so I guess it is none of your business and no, it's not your place to say anything but of course YANBU to be seriously hacked off with it. I think they sound like utterly rubbish parents who CBA and are doing their kids no favours. It's clear to me that you're not complaining about just playing computer games - it's the relentless of it all, and it sounds like they are permanently glued to a screen of one type of another. I am very much in favour of introducing children to alcohol at home but a whole box of WKD for a 14 year old sounds like madness to me.

So I guess I'll have to share your 'judgy pants'!

I've just realised, you're my uncle aren't you. Yes, yes I know 'the birth of television signalled the death of conversation'. You've already told us a million times.

You sound terribly demanding, Oxygene. Can't you read a book, seriously?

I agree with you about friends being online while you're out with them. I have been known to post an FB status with "Am sitting opposite XX in a nice pub, why are we communicating by text?"

Just an idea

It sounds like you don't like them or have much in common with them - which is fair enough, but you're probably equally annoying them with your efforts to 'encourage' them to behave the way you think they should.

I think most people have agreed that the alcohol and 18-rated games don't sound ideal, but there isn't much you can do about it if the parents are OK with it. And for the rest of it, you sometimes just have to accept that people are different from you.

And, without meaning to be rude, if you find that in a variety of social situations, people are using their phones etc to avoid conversation with you, is it just possible that you might be the problem here? I don't agree that people generally are losing the ability to socialise, and haven't seen any evidence of that myself.

' Are people losing the ability to physically socialise?'

You're asking this on an online, anonymous, Internet forum.

Bingo Anothermanic!

Hi Pot, I'm kettle. You're black.

Welcome to modern Britain OP. Where some parents are breeding a genaration of gaming addicted, grunting zombies with violent undertones and a complete lack of social skills. Cos it's easier to let me game and drink than it is to actually - yunno - interact with them.

(ps - YANBU and it is not 'normal'' behaviour. 'Looks around at sporty, sociable, polite, well mannered teenagers and wonders if one should crack open the Carlsberg. Cos it's only fair like ? )

Oxygene, you can't control how your nephews are brought up/disciplined, but your MIL could say something (as host) if she has rules about mobile phone useage at the table. Either it doesn't bother her, or she is afraid the boys won't come at all if she starts imposing rules.

You are entitled to your opinion, but unless they are in your home where your rules apply, there's not a lot you can do. To criticise the parents would cause a rift.

FWIW, as a parent I would limit the amount of time kids were playing on XBOX at someone elses house, phones would be off for the duration of the meal, they would be expected to be polite and make conversation and they would not just expect to be waited on hand and foot. The problem I see with the alcohol is that a tolerance builds up, the individual needs to drink more and more to achieve the same level of intoxication, so I would be more vigilant about that.

You can probably find a lot of scientific studies about violent computer games and their possible links with aggressive behaviour if you fancy blinding BIL and SIL with science.

'looks around at nerdy, genius, engineering student, polite, well mannered teenager but can't see her as she's at week long gaming conference'

a genaration of gaming addicted, grunting zombies

I'll tell my very successful, popular, articulately grunting game-addicted nephews they're emblematic of a lost generation.

I think they'd quite like "zombies".

ffs
she is talking about ONE week at Christmas.

She has no clue if the children are spending all day gaming.

From what I hear of private schools they are pretty hot on academics arent they?

My eldest boy is 18 and I am ridiculously uptight about allowing him to drink. EG. I wont give him a drink although I know he is legally able to go and buy his own. I certainly never allowed him before his 18th.
I dont have violent games available to the children either.

But where does the OP get off calling them bad parents?

Havnt read whole thread but guess your kids, if you have them, are little.

Please wait to crow and critisise parents of teens until you have raised some.

You sound just like a relative if mine whose sneering and judgmental attitudes had my 4 running for their rooms, x box and tv.

I'm sensing a common theme here. Your nephews don't want to have 'conversations' with you, your brother doesn't want to have conversations with you, the women of the family don't want to have converastions with you and your friend didn't want to have conversations with you.

No one wants to play you at Scrabble. Leave them alone.

Ds1 is 14 and he used to spend too long on the xbox. I knew it'd pass and now he reads more than plays on it. I still am trying to get him to go out more but his friends don't, he does ask them. They stay in on xbox live

Sadly these teens turn into adult men who are also addicted to gaming. I know so many men who would rather play on xbox etc.. than engage with their families/partner. Sad really.

I hope it passes with these boys but wouldn't hold my breath that they'll want to mix with the oldies.

Oh I'm so with you with the FB thing. My friends don't do it but I go dancing and one grown woman my age sits Facebooking what she's doing? Totally sad. I also love the updates saying 'I'm in costa with dh' One even posts if she's in the cinema.

Although to be fair in the past I have been sad enough to post what we were having for dinner on FB, just because I was proud to have made it

I agree with you all, unapproved games cause moral turpitude and a decline in social standards.

It began with cricket in 1611: Considered illegal and immoral, two men were arrested for playing cricket rather than going to church. More and more arrests were made as the game grew in popularity.

Cricket must be eliminated from young people's lives!

Well, either that or there's always some killjoy who can't stand people entertaining themselves.

OP, as others have said, I think you'll find the boys are bored rigid at xmas. They're allowed in their games as a quid pro quo.

I agree though, that they shouldn't be age inappropriate. Be not a serious crime IMVHO.

As for cadets. It really does not lend war any glamour. It is serious commitment. And discipline. Much of it in the great outdoors (I would have thought you'd approve).

Please don't try to twist things. This has nothing to do with me. These people are downright rude and ignorant with everyone. Simple as that!Even my best friend at my wedding said that he found my in laws hard work to get on with and he never speaks bad of anyone. There's people I might not like but I still make the effort to try to get along with them. I don't sit there on my phone when they're in my company being rude because that's just bad manners.

Pardon me if my idea of a family gathering isn't sitting around watching the kids play computer games all day from 8am till bedtime while the adults sit around watching tv or messing with their phones. They are the ones who can't socialise not me. Getting a conversation out of my brother in law is hard work. It's all yes, hmm no etc. It's no wonder his kids are so anti social.

Maybe you should make other plans for next Christmas then, if you dislike their company so much?

Yet another AIBU post that when told yes YABU strops and says No I'm not BU.
Why fucking post then if you don't think you are BU?

Oh and if you are as arrogant and rude in real life as you are on here I'm not surprised they don't want to talk to you.