desperate dad, controlling ex

[Helplessdad]

Split when dd was v young. Ex wife moved 300 miles away to live with parents while she got back on her feet. Several months later I also moved to be with my partner (currently pregnant) which unfortunately was I the opposite direction. Since then I have had as much contact as poss, every other weekend staying at hotels near dd plus a week here and there for holidays and Christmas.

I just can do it anymore. It's exhausting doing all the travelling and I can't afford petrol, hotel and eating out every other weekend.

I have suggested a new plan- 6 weeks no contact, but then a whole week with my girl up here so we can spend quality time and she can get to know her other family.

Ex has said no- it's not in the interests of our daughter, it's out of her routine, it's too long away from mum, etc etc. but how is it not in her interest of she gets to spend proper time with me?

Ex isn't budging and I don't know what to do. I just can't carry on like this. I'm broke and exhausted.

Aibu to try to take this to court?

what about her school? why the 6 weeks no contact? surely its not to taxing to pick up a phone!!!!

i think you need to man up!

Yes, keep up contact. Phone, skype, things through the post.... How old is she?

How old is your dd?

As pp said, why no contact at all?

I'd worry about how she would cope with school / nursery etc

Could you extend to every 3 weeks and longer in school holidays?

As for court, what is it you would be asking of them?

All school holidays? Can you take time off to do the childcare?

A lot of this depends on how old your DD is and whether or not she is at school? Is there a contact order in place?

More info please...

Sorry, cross posted with everyone!

how old is your dd?I wouldn't be happy with my dd going hundreds of miles away with me for a week, esp if there is nothin in between the 6 weeks. What about school for your dd?Will you take a week off work for her?

You could ask your ex partner travels halfway for drop off/pick up

Exhausting? Tough! Being a parent is exhausting. Stop moaning and get on with it.

Ime you have stepped up so far, a judge is likely to give you what ( within reason) you ask for

Being away from her mum won't wash with a judge, doesn't sound like she's a tiny baby

Bloody hell OP

300 miles is a hell of a long way to take a child away from its other parent

Obviously it's too late now, but I would have fought tooth and nail to stop that happening in the first place.

More than 300 miles....but a relationship with her father would be worth it, no?

Have you posted on this before?

"unfortunately was I the opposite direction"

The word "unfortunately" implies bad luck, something out of your control.

Actually you made the DECISION to move away in the opposite direction. Call it what it is, please.

MAN UP!

6 weeks with out ANY contact is just stupid, and will NOT help your child, children live in the here and now!

do you not own a phone? chat on MSN, SKYPE or anything.

Find the money for petrol! cut back on your life and save that money!
you smoke? stop, you drink? stop!

shes 18 months - this is a fix until school, then we'll have to think again.

i cant move closer because my current partner has obligations up here that prevents her from moving.

Travelling up isn't going to facilitate a relationship with the dd step mum and new sibling. The dd has the right to spend time at her dads home, and see her extended family

Not going to ever happen if it's all up on the ex's turf

It could work round school though, as every six weeks ish is half term. So could still work well. It's a routine.

I read the 'no contact' as in no physical contact...ie to stop his every other weekend contact so he can have his DD for a whole week.

I'm sure he doesn't mean he's going to ignore her for 6 weeks.

To all these people suggesting the OP 'Mans up'....how would you feel if someone took your child 300 miles away and didn't meet you halfway with transport etc?

If it is tiring for you to do the travel, she will be exhausted. A journey of over 300 miles every six weeks sounds like a huge issue - I think lots of adults would end up dreading that. I see why you want to do it, but I'd worry she would end up actually feeling resentful - because if she is still quite young, she probably isn't old enough to understand why she has to do this in order to see you.

Is it at all possible to move nearer to her mum?

18 months! A week is way too long for her to be away from her primary carer.

Ahh just seen that's she's an 18 month old baby.

In that case you're not going to be able to Skype etc...

I don't think the no contact for 6 weeks is a good idea then, because she's going to find a week with you very strange.

You need to keep up more regular contact but your ex needs to meet you halfway regarding the travelling.

I think 18 months is too young to be away for a week, esp if she is not seeing you for 6 weeks! your dd won't be used to you, will miss her routine, her mummy, her toys, she will probably be fretful and cry lots.
I don't see that a judge would order that

I agree with worra that 'man up' is a bit of a crap phrase. But I think sharing the transport isn't quite fair either, is it? The mother obviously does most of the caring for the DD, so surely it is fair that she should live somewhere where she has her parents around to make that more possible?

Not saying it's not awful for the OP, of course.