BASTARD Mirena

[DancesWithSockPuppets]

AIBU to suggest that the people behind the Mirena coil change its name to "BASTARD Mirena"; and that GPs are required to use its full name (or "BASTARD" for short) when hard-selling it to their innocent, trusting patients?

For example: "Oh yes, I've never encountered anyone who didn't get on with the BASTARD Mirena. In fact, research has shown that women who opt for the BASTARD are nicer, happier, 93% more likely to win the lottery and can shit cakes."

Finally, AIBU to think that GPs should need a license to hard-sell the BASTARD Mirena, and in order to GET a license they must be fitted with a Mirena themselves for at least a week. Up the arse. Sideways.

[rachelfruitloop]

I've had the BASTARD for 2 years now, was meant to be just until my BASTARD DH gets the snip, which he has now told me I'll have to make his gp appointment for because he can't follow through! Had bleeding for 4 months initially and crazy mood swings. Only good thing I can say for the BASTARD is that my periods have pretty much disappeared. But I am paranoid about hormonal contraceptives after I found a lump in my breast two months ago, thank god it wasn't cancer. I just want this thing out now and the only GP in town that can remove the BASTARD is still on maternity leave. Gah!

[LulaPalooza]

I foolishly went to my GP a few years back to ask for a BASTARD to be fitted.

He showed me what it looks like, then drew a picture of my little un-stretched os (I don't have kids) and said "do you really want to do that to yourself?"

Reading this, I am so glad that lovely, lovely GP dissuaded me from having a BASTARD shoved into my innermost fanjo.

[turbo1]

My bastarding coil bloody well fell out... been told by the GPs I have to wait 2 months before I can have another one inserted.
Husband NOT HAPPY.

[QuickLookBusy]

Lula my lovely GP also advised against the BASTARD.

So glad she did after hearing all the of negative stories over the years.

[JamieandTheOlympicTorch]

Sorry, I'm sure your Mirena has been a BASTARD. Mine has enabled me to not have any periods, making it MARVELLOUS Mirena

[CoteDAzur]

Has anyone mentioned THE SMELL?

The BASTARD makes you wet. All the time. If it is not drip drip dripping with one of the unforeseeable three week periods, it is drip drip dripping with the goo. That is because the BASTARD is a foreign body and your fanjo is trying to expel it. You end up having to use those paper-thin panty liners all the time.

It would be bad enough if this constant wetness made you smell like a woman. Nooooo, the BASTARD makes your fanjo smells like a man. More precisely, like a man's arse

[JamieandTheOlympicTorch]

Mine did take 6 months to settle down (I was 3 months post-partum), nearly had it out. So glad I didn't. On my second one now. No probs

[frustratedpants]

My BASTARD didnt fall out. But did loose any BASTARD sex life I may have had and almost lost my BASTARD husband because of my BASTARD.
Had BASTARD removed now. Didnt give them an option just booked in with nurse to get the BASTARD removed. And had BASTARD withdrawal symptoms. Bastard BASTARD.
Would not recommend The BASTARD to any woman.

[missismac]

My Bastard caused me a year of low level bleeding/discharge which the bastard GP said was the sad side of normal. It did then settle down though and Bastard & I had some very happy years together during which I had no bastard periods.

Then I had to have my Bastard changed. The new Bastard cased a bastard infection in my bastard womb which very nearly finished me off if it hadn't been for the timely intervention via A&bastardE of the good old non-bastard NHS and some serious bad-bastard drugs.

I dumped the Bastard. And now Dh & I don't have sex, in case we conceive another little bastard. This has been for the last 3 bastard years. It's a bastard innit?!

[greeneyes1978]

I don't usually post but had to have a rant. The BASTARD has caused me:

almost constant thrush
cysitis
mid monthly bleeding
long drawn out periods
sore boobs for 2 weeks a month
spots
weight gain
awful PMT

To add insult to injury I have tried to have it taken out three time and they haven't had the right doctor to do it, an appoinment for weeks and last time wasn't allowed because we had sex within the last 6 days... Hasn't anyone removed there own, I am seriously tempted! Bloody BASTARD.

[DesperatelySeekingSedatives]

I had my implant out not long ago and the GP was trying to get to try the BASTARD Mirena but I said I'd rather wait a little whilr for my periods to settle back and use condoms instead. She got quite huffy saying there are barely any side effects with it.

Thing is, I was told this about the implant too. And I really hated the side effects. I gained 2 stone, bled constantly and had horrible mood swings. It worked brilliantly as a concraception though- I didn't want DP coming (excuse the pun) anywhere near me so no pregnancy to worry about! I don't do well on hormone based contreception though. If there are any side effects, you can be sure I'll have most of them.

No way am I trying the Bastard Mirena!

[LulaPalooza]

Oh my freaking word, CoteDAzure... That made me kind of laugh and gip at the same time! Have you had it removed yet?

[frustratedpants]

Agree with the BASTARD spots and the BASTARD smell and BASTARD pantyBASTARDliners

[DartsAgain]

LaQueen "Have the nice, boring, but without any BASTARDING qualities, copper coil instead.

Except, having never had a natural delivery it is agony to have inserted, and requires the GP to basically crank my cervix open, whilst saying cheerily 'Oh, this will just feel like a pinch' when infact, it feels like she's trying to stuff a JCB up there."

I've just had a copper coil inserted to replace a Mirena. I agree with above, but it was still better than the dentist

It took a lot of resistance from me before they agreed with a copper coil over a Mirena, but for me it was a simple equation:

Pros: no periods.

Cons: weight gain, hair thinning and hair loss, moodiness, and also I have rosacea which turned out to be made much, much worse when using hormone contraceptives.

My hair is already feeling better and my face has calmed down considerably, I no longer look all red and blotchy like I'm constantly crying.

I did point out to doc that I was aware that the hormones had been found in breastmilk so they couldn't be localised could they. Got no answer to that point, but they suddenly agreed to a copper coil.

[Lovethesea]

One of the local GP's tried the hard sell for the BASTARD. I had heard a different story so told her in no uncertain terms that since the rotational forceps damage of DC1 I was not having anything metal put up me anywhere. Ever.

I am clinging on to my combined pill for dear life and shouting I HAVE LOW BLOOD PRESSURE AND DONT SMOKE every time they point out I am over 35.

[susiedaisy]

I get on quite well with my bastard mirena

Sorry

[BlingBubbles]

My doctor advised against the BASTARD and told me to go for the copper coil instead. Took a few months for my periods to become regular but now works like a charm. I don't like the idea of a little hormone contraption inside..... I can already be a bitch, I don't need an aide!!!

[DartsAgain]

I have just googled Mirena, and the comapny lists side effects on their website. I had quite a few........

[olimpia]

The BASTARD Mirena made me look like this except I wasn't smiling

[happyhorse]

My GP tried to hard sell me the BASTARD last time I went for my prescription for the mini pill. He thought a few weeks/months of bleeding was a small price to pay. I managed to refrain from asking him if he'd be willing to bleed from his penis for a few weeks/months in the name of contraception. I suspect I know the answer.

Definitely on commission.

[FiftyShadesOfTripe]

BASTARD BLOODY Mirena only went and got lost. Went for a smear and two nurses and then my GP were unable to locate BASTARD thing. After a referral to hospital for a scan it was revealed that it was still there but had gone very high up. It took two attempts and various gynae people rooting round in my bits to find it and remove.

NEVER EVER again, would rather have twenty kids than go through that sheer pain and mortification again. Sorry if I've put anyone off .

[Faxthatpam]

I had a BASTARD for hideously heavy periods and contraception, GP persuaded me after I asked for a sterilisation.

I too had the weight gain, baaaaaad PMT, horrible sore breasts for two out of 4 weeks and continuous thrush. Had it out after 18 loooooong months.

All better now, except have (very lovely) accidental 4th DS and have now been sterilised! Much the best option, I was not taking any more risks!