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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

She had no right to call me disgusting and judge me!!!!!

245 replies

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 10:08

Just went to drop my daughter at nursery, and as i was leaving another mum said to me, 'did you get my note about putting some money together for a leaving present next Friday' i said no as i hadn't but that i wouldn't be contributing as im a student nurse and skint, she then said to me, you're serious? So i said yes, she said it's only £2 or so, so i said to her that i did not have any money at all, she walked ahead down the stairs and said 'how disgusting' So i caught up with her and told her im practically living off payday loans (yes its stupid, another thread altogether!!)

I am also on the verge of eviction and i am trying to sort everything out, (so putting in money to a leaving gift is not top of my priority and i would rather get something from myself anyway if i could get enough cash together!) she just made me fel so fucking shitty and then said 'i wont put your daughters name on the card' to which i told her thats fine, don't!, i am struggling so hard, 1 year left till i qualify and i am just about able to get by, no treats no fun, no anything.

AIBU to think that she is bang out of order to fucking make me feel like this? bearing in mind, that not long ago she did a collection for £10 from the parents to help the nursery to buy a new tv to put on the wall, i didnt contribute to that either and when my mum went to the jubilee party as i was on placement and so my mum had to be there as all the kids had to be accompanied (it was a nursery jubilee party) the mother even had the cheek to ask my mum about it etc, i never contributed to this either due to being so skint.

What makes women like this take it upon them selves to make other women feel like this, i would never do this to someone else, i was fucking raging when i got home, sobbing and raging, i hope her little dahhhhling is not going to the same school as mine or this will be a shit load of bollocks for the next few years i can foresee it already. And how do i deal with things when i see her next?!

OP posts:
MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 20:20

I am a member of unison, will see if they can help at all, i get some HB but its hardly anything and might as well not have it, im on an advanced diploma, was hoping to transfer to the degree but got an email today saying that 2 of my grades from the last 2yrs were not above a certain % so i cant transfer, so i am slightly gutted about it, but i guess i should remain positive that ive been in education for 3 years already and only 1 left till im fully qualified not bad for someone who is 34 with a crazy little 4yr old daughter :) I must be doing something right i guess..

OP posts:
nellie02 · 12/07/2012 20:52

Yanbu.

Totally unreasonably of her.

In fact, I can't believe she didn't apologise profusely and offer to help you in whatever way she could.

what a nasty cow.

LadySybildeChocolate · 12/07/2012 20:53

Unison welfare are amazing. They even have their own holiday park and will give people a holiday if they have had a particularly crappy year. You don't really need a degree to be a nurse, also the degree students get less bursary as they are eligible for a student loan. I made ends meet by ironing and sewing. I worked more than 16 hours a week on top of my course, so registered as self employed, I could claim working tax credit for this then. They don't take the bursary into account, so it's just income from the work. I was knackered after 2 years and had to leave my course due to exhaustion, but if you've only a year to go...

perceptionreality · 12/07/2012 20:55

Words fail me, truly. Her behaviour is disgusting and you are certainly not!! What a nasty person she is - how ironic that she feels a collection makes her morally superior (snort).

ohmygosh123 · 12/07/2012 21:07

Not read all the thread - but I have read on here, and know from friends, that the thing they like most are the personal cards that actually thank them for the job they've done. And that only has to be a piece of paper folded in half that DD has drawn a picture on, and that you and her have put a note in saying thanks.

At DD's UK nursery we had competitive present giving in addition to a collection - crazy women - I declined to indulge, but I gave the teacher a card saying how much we had appreciated her.

Just left another school abroad where you push the boat out if you bring the teacher something you've baked, or a card, or flowers out of the garden. (Half the kids do nothing.) Teacher thrilled because the kids are acknowledging her - kids thrilled because something they've made or picked has been received with pleasure. Now that's the way it should be.

Oh and my friend's most memorable present was a tube of smarties that a little boy had filled with only orange smarties back when they had artificial colourings. All because my friend had said that orange smarties were only for adults. What he loved was it was personal as the child had remembered something he said months before and had saved his orange smarties up for ages.

Oh and silly unsympathetic woman - save your energy for your DD - and ignore her. Your £2 is neither here not there, but the teacher will appreciate you saying thank you far more!

youarekidding · 12/07/2012 21:28

sent a PM. Another who could find some suitable clothes for your DD.

What shoe size is she - my friend has loads of 8-10's and I can hopefully get them before she throws them.

LadyJH · 12/07/2012 21:29

MsVelvet, please join your local Freecycle group for clothes and anything else you need. It is amazing what people give away. There is no need for DD to be in too small clothes. People will even bring stuff to your house if you can't get to them. We have given loads away but also taken someone's bookcase for DD room and I just picked up a summer handbag. Just Google Freecycle and your hometown and she what pops up. YANBU by the way. The woman is clearly evil.

LadyJH · 12/07/2012 21:33

PM your address to me. I have some stuff I can send you. Recycle, recycle, recycle Smile

McHappyPants2012 · 12/07/2012 21:38

www.direct.gov.uk/en/EducationAndLearning/UniversityAndHigherEducation/StudentFinance/Typesoffinance/DG_171615

i have no clue about grants ect, but would this help

oooohhhhyes · 12/07/2012 21:39

Bless you, YANBU and she is being incredibly appallingly horrible. You poor love. What size is your dd? I have some stuff still stashed from when my dcs were at nursery age. PM me if you would like me to package some up and post to you? I am impressed by your future career. You are clearly intelligent and caring and will be great in your profession.

Lucyellensmum99 · 12/07/2012 21:43

So lovely to see the offers of clothes here. Im would have loved to help but my DD is six now and in a size 8 Shock but i always love to pass things on and i think it means so much more if you know someone is getting it who really needs it. I don't mean that in a patronising way but just that they will be worn and appreciated. I don't have anyone to hand on to so my stuff goes to the charity shop, so they will be third (or posibly fourth) hand as i buy a lot of stuff from charity shops and jumble sales. Also I don't buy new school uniforms either.

As for the mother - i would have told her to feck off, i can't be doing with the whole collection bollocks, we never had any of this present buying crap when my DD1 was at school (shes 22), but with DD2 (6) i see parents turning up with expensive flowers ans presents. My DDs teacher this year will be getting some nice chocolates because she has been brilliant and my dd adores her but im not going to buy very much, i can't afford it.

Please please please stop with the payday loans, find other sources of financial support - make sure you are getting any benefits you are entitled to.

I think it is great you are investing in your and your DDs future with your nursing degree, keep at it and it will pay dividends in the future xx

Triggles · 12/07/2012 21:50

Yes, the payday loans are dangerous - too easy to get swamped by them.

But next time she (or anyone asking for money) approaches you, just remember "NO." It's a complete sentence. It doesn't require anything further. You are not obliged to explain yourself. If you feel generous, you could say "No, but thank you for letting me know about it." I have found, however, that a repeated "no" with no explanation and a cheery smile generally baffles them.. they stand there looking irritated (constipated? Hmm) waiting for an explanation they feel they deserve but that I don't offer. Gives me the chance to make my exit. Grin

Rhiana1979 · 12/07/2012 21:52

How lovely everyone's being and so generous. Wish I could help with clothing but my daughters only 7 months old.

Good luck with everything OP x

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 21:53

I have joined some freecycle groups only the other day have been looking for various things locally to me, fingers crossed :)

OP posts:
Lucyellensmum99 · 12/07/2012 22:03

I love that - NO is a complete sentence. We did an exercise like this at university once when we had one of thoe assertiveness courses. Its really difficult to just say no, but in a situation like that a firm, NO, thank you - would be perfect.

You could say that you want to do something more personal though, that would have shut her up

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 22:04

McHappyPants2012 thats what i can't apply for until Sept, already spoke with my uni about this, but thankyou for the help x

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 12/07/2012 22:15

If you have a lot of debt OP you could try the CCCS or similar, for a debt management plan. I have one of those going and most of my debt was payday loans: they tend to be quite reasonable about accepting debt management plans because the gouging bastards will have had a fortune off you already anyway.

MushroomSoup · 12/07/2012 22:20

Can't help with clothes as my DCs are all older. I have been where you are and I am now working and debt free.
Can you tell me what supermarket you use? I'd like to send you a 'book of stamps' or a gift card. It won't be much but it will buy you a couple of meals. And then one day, when you are where I am, you can pay me back by helping someone else!

MushroomSoup · 12/07/2012 22:21

By the way, Payplan are superb for debt management. Free and fabulous.

McHappyPants2012 · 12/07/2012 22:27

there is about to be something to help you, september is a long time away and with a 4 year old to feed and clothe i am scared for you.

i would go to the CAB there is got to be some sort of help avaliable to you

alison10011 · 12/07/2012 22:29

Pm'd you..

MsVelvet · 12/07/2012 22:35

I am selling my old cloth nappies McHappyPants2012 which im hoping will help and i sold all my gold jewellery yesterday for a small amount, but everything will help to getting debts cleared so i can concentrate on getting the rent covered. Fingers crossed then i wont be in too much of a bad situation and can get through this last year of uni without too much stress. God knows im good at dealing with stress, ive been doing it for so long now :/ xx

OP posts:
hectorthestandbyhawk · 12/07/2012 22:49

MsVelvet -I have stacks of girls navy blue pinafores, blue checked summer dresses, white polo shirts and navy blue cardigans in age 4-6. Let me know if these are the right colours and I'll attempt to find out how to pm you.

WinstonWolf · 12/07/2012 22:57

I'm only three pages in so this may already have been mentioned, but have you looked at applying to the Access to Learning Fund to cover your unexpected expenses OP?

Would be worth speaking to the finance officer at your University :)

MamaMaiasaura · 12/07/2012 22:57

It's better to remain on AdDip as you get bursary but the degree means you lose it and have to get student loan.

The woman at school is a cuntbadger

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