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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suggest paying less rent to DP?

240 replies

violetbunny · 11/07/2012 18:52

Be kind, this is my first post in AIBU! I'm moving in with DP and can't decide what is a fair amount of rent to pay him.

Background:
DP owns a 3-bedroom house. He occupies 1 bedroom, and rents the other 2 rooms to lodgers at £500pcm each (inc. utilities). The lodgers will remain for now. All bedrooms are of equal size and the rest of the house is a shared area.

The issue:
The plan is for DP and I to share a room when I move in, and we need to agree how much rent I should pay. As DP owns the house, it's not like there is a fixed amount of rent owed on the property which we need to divide up. He has a mortgage, though this is already covered by the rent from the existing lodgers. He has suggested that I pay £400pcm, but given I think I could rent a similar sized room in the area on my own for around £450-500pcm, I think this seems a bit high. His reasoning for it being so much is that he thinks he's undercharging the lodgers. I've searched online for room rentals in the area and so far the evidence suggests the lodgers are paying about the market rate, but I could be wrong.

My suggestion is to ask DP to work out the cost of his room (based on what the lodgers pay, I'd say it's £500pcm minus utilities), and I will pay half of that. Plus I'll pay some extra on top as well to cover my share of the utilities (total utilities divided by 4 people). I'm fairly sure the total amount will be less than £400pcm, so I want to be sure that my reasoning is fair before I suggest it. So, please tell me, is this a fair approach or AIBU?

Note: Before you all tell me to "leave the bastard", I should mention DP is generally quite kind-hearted and generous, but is the first to admit he doesn't have a head for figures. He has most likely plucked a number out of the air without giving it any proper analysis, IYSWIM.

OP posts:
Val007 · 13/07/2012 12:05

If you are paying him rent, is he going to pay you for sexual favours?

Sorry, but it sounds barking mad to pay rent to your boyfriend. He should be taking care of you - fulstop. Otherwise you are just wasting your time with a 'man' like this. Gosh, are real men totally extinct these days?!!!!!!!

Laquitar · 13/07/2012 13:41

I know people are letting out every room and garage and parking space in London. But this is Letting half your bed!

Can you imagine ads in Gumtree: Half bed and shared bathroom to let in london for the bargain of £400pcm!.

I would be scared to ask him for a lift or anything.
-'A lift to the tube? That will be £15 please'.

Or

  • Can you get milk on the way home?
  • Sure, thats £5 delivery charge.
WhosPickleisThatOnion · 13/07/2012 13:46

Grin agree. When you let rooms like that your house is also a business and it does muddy the waters.

Spatsky · 13/07/2012 14:07

Wow val, I can see your comments being popular on here...

Weener · 13/07/2012 14:21

Hi

This is my first ever post on here so please be nice :D

I have read this thread with interest as I rent out a spare room in my flat and know a bit about it. I just wanted to clarify - any so-called tenancy in connection with a place with a live-in landlord is not enforceable. The most you can get with a live in landlord is a licence to occupy, which gives very few rights to occupiers.

This link might be some use: england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/renting_and_leasehold/private_tenancies/excluded_occupiers

With regard to the level of 'rent', OP I know how you feel in that you don't want to live there for free, I would be the same. However, I would suggest that anything you pay over and above your share of bills should go into a savings fund or ISA or something (as indeed, other posters have suggested). Your BF already has his mortgage covered by the other lodgers and as such, I would like the idea of being made a profit out of (although obviously it's your decision not mine! Smile !)

What do the current lodgers think of you moving in, do you know? Personally, I wouldn't want to live with a couple but I guess if they don't either that's their issue and they can just move out.

Weener · 13/07/2012 14:22

oh Sad my link didn't work!

Kendodd · 13/07/2012 14:33

My BF had a lodger when I moved in. The lodgers rent money covered the mortgage, I never had to pay anything, not even bills, even though I was renting out my own flat for a profit. We never had any discussions about money really but we just ended up sort of sharing all the money we had. Lodger moved out, I stayed, still not paying any rent.

What a long time ago that was....
We have been married for 16 years next month and have three children. It all worked out well for us and we have moved house 3 times since then.But, I'm sure somebody will come along telling me how foolish we were not to have legal agreements in place saying who paid for what and how much.

lottiegb · 13/07/2012 14:49

I think you should not pay him rent but pay the amount you were paying in rent into a savings account, which you can use towards a deposit for a joint house, or to buy into his house, later. Otherwise you're enabling him to increase his equity while gaining nothing yourself.

You should pay a quarter of all household bills.

If you move in as a lodger you'd have contractual rights which could outlast your relationship, which would be very weird. The alternative, moving in as girlfriend and contributing, is that you end up owning a tiny bit of his house, which could also be very weird if you split up.

lottiegb · 13/07/2012 14:57

I realise I have personal experience here too! When I moved into DP's house I contributed to bills but not mortgage, even though I own my house outright and, for a while, was renting it out. May sound mean but our finances were separate and his house was his house. It would have been very odd to have been paying for a tiny bit of his house. Part of the point of moving in as girlfriend was to find out if the relationship would work longer term. We couldn't reasonably have assumed it was going to, so pooled the mortgage.

He wanted me there as girlfriend not lodger.

The point when we merged house ownership, so costs, was when we decided to buy a house together.

GooseRocks · 13/07/2012 14:57

Eh?

His mortgage payments are met by the lodgers.
I don't see why you should pay him any rent at all.

Pay your share of household expenses. At present he isn't paying towards mortgage so don't see why you should.

AtLeastThatsWhatYouSaid · 13/07/2012 15:08

I don't mean to sound mean OP but I agree with what some of the other posters have said.

You shouldn't pay a penny in rent if its covered by the tennants. Utilities yes, rent no.

I would be wondering if he wanted me to move in for my company or my money. Moving in with a partner isn't about making a profit, you share finances/responsibilities.

I think you are being a bit naive if I'm honest.

MissFaversam · 13/07/2012 15:10

He wanted to charge you WHAT?

He wanted to make a profit out of you then did he?

I'd go rent that other room if I were you OP.

Val007 · 13/07/2012 15:24

Spatsky, are you a real man? Please give us your take on this Wink

Jux · 13/07/2012 15:27

What if one of the lodgers wanted move their partner in with them? Would their room rent go up?

When I was renting, it would have been unthinkable for my rent to change, no matter how many people I chose to have move in with me. Utilities would go up, but each person would pay a share.

I'm not actually suggesting you pay nothing. I just don't think you should pay more than half the 'rent' your dh would be paying if he were renting the room, or that he is charging the others. Equal shares of utilities though. How much is the mortgage?

Unless you're going to get some sort of rights in the house?

blibbleflop · 13/07/2012 16:02

Fundamentally I think the DP in question is trying to protect himself in the event things go pear shaped.

A situation similar to this happened to a friend of mine, he owned a house with mortage, then met his ex-DP, she moved in with him and paid no rent. Several years later when she ran off with another man he had to sell the house to pay off her "interest" in it as she had been paying towards general living costs.

If he had been sensible enough to charge her a fair rent then he'd have not had this issue as there would have been no interest in the house.

When people get together in an unbalanced (financially) relationship then they have to accept that one person is going to do what they need to do to protect what they have when they go into to it. I own my own property and when my DP moves in with me I'll be asking her to pay a couple of hundred quid a month rent to protect myself if things go sour. If/when we have kids or get married this all changes, but I don't think it's unreasonable to protect oneself up until that point.

In the OPs case I'd say £250 a month is fair.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 13/07/2012 17:09

I don't really, as she will have no rights over his property. Especially through living there as a lodger. I was of the understanding a co habitee gets nothing unless there is a specific agreement or the house was put into joint names? I've looked into it for my own situation..

I

lottiegb · 13/07/2012 18:25

I think the existence of lodgers is a red herring, it has no bearing on your status as girlfriend moving in - just because there are lodgers doesn't make you one.

Point is, he has bought a house he can afford to pay for, in his case by renting out rooms. My bf had bought a house he could afford to pay for, with his wages.

As girlfriend moving in, you are testing your relationship to see of it works out. Then, after a while you can decide to make it more definite and revise your arrangements.

There is a time factor here. If you were expecting to live rent free for years in his house that would be one thing. If that was combined with expecting him to cook and clean for you, we might think you were taking advantage. If it was in exchange for looking after him, you should get married. If though, the point is to see how things go for a while, then decide to buy together / buy into his house, moving in to someone else's house for a year or two is fine and normal.

NovackNGood · 13/07/2012 18:28

It's not normal to live for free unless you are a freeloader though.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 13/07/2012 18:36

She's not she would be paying half of what it costs her partner to live there, but not allowing him to make a profit from her presence.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 13/07/2012 18:37

I imagine if it goes well you will want the house to yourselves and the lodgers will go. That's the point you will probably need to pay more.

ethelb · 13/07/2012 19:57

I think val is the only honest one on here tbh

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 13/07/2012 20:29

Val for president

Laquitar · 13/07/2012 22:14

Are any others here who started family late?

I'm sitting here, reading this thinking : 'hmm if i have had bought a 3 bed house at 21 and put in lodgers to pay the mortgage, then put in lovers who pay rent aswell...hmm i would be a rich lady now'.

£1400pcm rent income while he lives in his property is not bad, is it?

But blibbleflop has a good point there.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 13/07/2012 22:26

Seriously you get eff all unless you have a legal agreement even if you pay half. I've looked into it recently.

50shadesofslapntickle · 13/07/2012 23:10

I second val for president
A good opinion and hear hear for the call for 'real' men!