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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To suggest paying less rent to DP?

240 replies

violetbunny · 11/07/2012 18:52

Be kind, this is my first post in AIBU! I'm moving in with DP and can't decide what is a fair amount of rent to pay him.

Background:
DP owns a 3-bedroom house. He occupies 1 bedroom, and rents the other 2 rooms to lodgers at £500pcm each (inc. utilities). The lodgers will remain for now. All bedrooms are of equal size and the rest of the house is a shared area.

The issue:
The plan is for DP and I to share a room when I move in, and we need to agree how much rent I should pay. As DP owns the house, it's not like there is a fixed amount of rent owed on the property which we need to divide up. He has a mortgage, though this is already covered by the rent from the existing lodgers. He has suggested that I pay £400pcm, but given I think I could rent a similar sized room in the area on my own for around £450-500pcm, I think this seems a bit high. His reasoning for it being so much is that he thinks he's undercharging the lodgers. I've searched online for room rentals in the area and so far the evidence suggests the lodgers are paying about the market rate, but I could be wrong.

My suggestion is to ask DP to work out the cost of his room (based on what the lodgers pay, I'd say it's £500pcm minus utilities), and I will pay half of that. Plus I'll pay some extra on top as well to cover my share of the utilities (total utilities divided by 4 people). I'm fairly sure the total amount will be less than £400pcm, so I want to be sure that my reasoning is fair before I suggest it. So, please tell me, is this a fair approach or AIBU?

Note: Before you all tell me to "leave the bastard", I should mention DP is generally quite kind-hearted and generous, but is the first to admit he doesn't have a head for figures. He has most likely plucked a number out of the air without giving it any proper analysis, IYSWIM.

OP posts:
Val007 · 14/07/2012 09:13

Ha-ha, thanks, gals, and I am saying it as it is. Normally men do put their money where their mouth is. This is the sign whether he really loves you, is serious about you and wants to take care of you. If he is not sure, prepared etc bullshit, best move on to someone who is READY and wants to take care of you, instead of wasting your time on wankers who benefit free sex and blowjobs, and profit from rent, haha, this is ridiculous!
Ah, and it will be best for us woment to really not move in with anyone unless he marries us, why give ourselves up so easily and quickly. This is why real men are extinct - because real women are. NO WOMAN SHOULD OFFER TO PAY ANYTHING TO HER ROMANTIC INTEREST! She is already paying him enough by being with him and loving him. I am sure a real man will confirm this. When my husband moved in with me (3 weeks after we started dating and when we got engaged), he started handing out his whole salary to me and his words were : 'FOR ME IT IS ENOUGH TO SEE THE SMILE ON YOUR FACE, MONEY DOES NOT MATTER' - now this one is a keeper, and because he loves me, he is not worried that one day we'll split up and have to worry about money matters, even if we do, since our income is pooled in, we just split everything 50:50 and that's it. I cannot understand why people complicate their lives. Women sell themselves really cheap these days and in the OP's case, she is not even selling herself, she is paying to someone to have her. Are you THAT undesirable, OP?...

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 14/07/2012 11:54

Val for president of some mad country were women lie around doing nothing and men pay the bills!

fedupofnamechanging · 14/07/2012 11:56

I'd live there!

klaritaf · 14/07/2012 11:57

what a cock your dp sounds.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 14/07/2012 12:33

I want to meet man that gives me his whole salary after three weeks just to see the smile upon my face!

klaritaf · 14/07/2012 12:38

yeh me too!

Laquitar · 14/07/2012 12:58

I smoked when i was young and it gave me yellow teeth. That was my mistake in life! No wonder i ended up working, the idiot!

Val007 · 14/07/2012 14:51

I don't lie around - I work and make more than him. But this proved to me that he will take care of me no matter what (I have the option to stop work, but why should I - I am working towards the welfare of our whole family (us and kids). He still gives me his whole salary, because he trusts me, because we're headed in the same direction (as a family), share the same attitude to life, the same vision, the same everything. For me it was a test - I don't need his salary, as I am doing very very well on my own, but I like the fact that my man put his money where his mouth is.

inabeautifulplace · 14/07/2012 15:59

Would you give your man your salary val ?

Val007 · 14/07/2012 16:11

In effect I do - we save his salary in a joint account and live off mine. If there is anything left from that, we put it in saving as well (right now nothing is usually left, as I pay off lots of loans from before we married)

NovackNGood · 14/07/2012 23:58

So he is having to pay off your debts from before or are you paying off your debts?

Val007 · 15/07/2012 06:02

I am paying my debts with the money I make from my job. Because I make a very decent amount of money, we manage to live on what's left from my salary after paying off the debts. His salary goes directly to savings.

inabeautifulplace · 15/07/2012 11:59

Yep, that's what lots of people do, myself included. People are different and some prefer financial independence like the op. I am surprised that there are so many on here who don't register that housing costs include the deposit already paid. Do you all have 100% mortgages? If her DP had paid utilities up front for the year are you saying he'd be mean to ask for a contribution?

Morloth · 15/07/2012 12:30

Lodgers now pay 400 quid and you pay 200. And same contract as them.

Everyone happy.

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 15/07/2012 14:39

You don't pay for a split of the deposit unless you are in for a share of equity though? That would be nuts. Op will NOT be entitled to anything.

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