To suggest paying less rent to DP?

[violetbunny]

Be kind, this is my first post in AIBU! I'm moving in with DP and can't decide what is a fair amount of rent to pay him.

Background:
DP owns a 3-bedroom house. He occupies 1 bedroom, and rents the other 2 rooms to lodgers at £500pcm each (inc. utilities). The lodgers will remain for now. All bedrooms are of equal size and the rest of the house is a shared area.

The issue:
The plan is for DP and I to share a room when I move in, and we need to agree how much rent I should pay. As DP owns the house, it's not like there is a fixed amount of rent owed on the property which we need to divide up. He has a mortgage, though this is already covered by the rent from the existing lodgers. He has suggested that I pay £400pcm, but given I think I could rent a similar sized room in the area on my own for around £450-500pcm, I think this seems a bit high. His reasoning for it being so much is that he thinks he's undercharging the lodgers. I've searched online for room rentals in the area and so far the evidence suggests the lodgers are paying about the market rate, but I could be wrong.

My suggestion is to ask DP to work out the cost of his room (based on what the lodgers pay, I'd say it's £500pcm minus utilities), and I will pay half of that. Plus I'll pay some extra on top as well to cover my share of the utilities (total utilities divided by 4 people). I'm fairly sure the total amount will be less than £400pcm, so I want to be sure that my reasoning is fair before I suggest it. So, please tell me, is this a fair approach or AIBU?

Note: Before you all tell me to "leave the bastard", I should mention DP is generally quite kind-hearted and generous, but is the first to admit he doesn't have a head for figures. He has most likely plucked a number out of the air without giving it any proper analysis, IYSWIM.

Ethelb you cannot have a tenancy agreement in relation to the renting of a room in a shared house which you share with the LL.

There seems to be a lot of questioning here about why I would even pay rent in the first place. To be clear, this was MY suggestion and i would not feel comfortable doing otherwise. I'm not sure why there is so much criticism of this decision - surely as a free, independent and educated woman it's my choice?

For a number of reasons it is also not practical for me to buy a house right now.

VioletI think it's because in most reationships which have rached the point of cohabitation...the couple pools their money...so in my case...my DP t he time (now my DH) moved into my flat...which I owned....I never asked him for rent and he never offered. We planned our outgoings together...pooled our money.

We kept our own savings too....but when we had DC then we saved jointly.

When you pay hm rent..it seems cold somehow.

How odd that you want to pay rent to stay in his room. Why not just contribute to the bills/food etc? What an odd relationship

YANBU

People are questioning it because it isn't the norm. Usually when you move in together you pay a contribution towards the house yes, but it is not normal for one half of the couple to be essentially making money from their love interest! I'm quite surprised you find that to be normal and would be horrified if I met anyone who would accept money on the terms you suggest. Usually, money paid goes towards the cost of the house so either the rent (paid to a landlord), the mortgage (dodgy grounds there from his pov), or wear and tear/maintenance. But if it is just 'profit' then he is just making money out of you.
Would you use him to earn extra money in the same situation? If not, why not? So if, say, you lived in a house you owned and had no morgage on so no need to pay anything out every month apart from ongoing maintenance, what do you think people would say about you if you asked your boyfriend to move in and pay you 400 quid a month for the privilege? Or 300? Or 200? Or just to pay bills? What would you think was the nice thing to ask a boyfriend to do and what would be the slightly money-obsessed thing to do. Whatever you think it would be, just do that! Problem solved

You will be moving in with your landlord not your partner. The mortgage is in his name, his lodgers pay his mortgage. If you move in and pay him rent then you are just another lodger paying his mortgage. So if anything happens you've helped this man clear off his mortgage and have nothing to show for it.

If you are not currently in the situation to buy property then you def' wont be in the position if you are paying rent. I understand that you want to pay your own way, it's important for women to do this... but becoming your partners lodger you are by no means becoming his equal.

Unless your name is going on the mortgage I wouldn't bother.

@sarah yes you fucking can. I have had two!

All these people asking why op doesn't go and buy her own house are in la la land.

Get real. You all just don't agree with renting. "as spending money on rent means you won't have enough money to buy a house" wtf

It's a new relationship she can't expect him to hand over the deeds and both of them moving would be unessesary unwanted and expensive.

This is a weirdly entitled thread.

Ops behaviour is the norm in my exp.

i pay 420 a month for my 3 bedroom house

i dont tink you should be paying rent tbh

"You all just don't agree with renting."

Eh? Renting is just a fact for many, many people.
We don't agree with what the OP is suggesting because it is not remotely logical, or indeed ethical.

I think it's dreadful that he asked you to pay the rent at all.

You're his DP, not a lodger that he shags.

reveal sorry I should have said CAN gain rights not just 'have' rights.

Via cohabitation agreement they are legally binding and/ or Commen intention

that's why it's important to know where your at I shouldn't have rushed my post and paid more attention

Get real. You all just don't agree with renting. "as spending money on rent means you won't have enough money to buy a house" wtf

The majority of the posters are being realistic.

The OP's situation isn't normal or familiar with most. Most couples pay rent on a house owned by somebody else or pay a joint mortgage.

Forget about the other lodgers the OP's partner is taking rent off of the OP to pay his mortgage. Would you advise any woman you know to contribute to the mortgage of her partner without having any claim on the property? It is not financially sensible.

In fact the OP could contribute to the mortgage for a few years, all goes tits up and she is left with nowhere to live and no claim on the property.

OPs partner has probably paid £x0000 as a deposit on the house, plus plenty on maintaining it and paying down the mortgage. I would say he's being generous if she moved in and didn't pay anything.

OP clearly feels comfortable paying something, I don't think that makes him tight if he were to accept. Still feel the separate isa account to be the best suggestion though.

I have had numerous friends in this situation as it was the simplest thing to do. Turn this situation on it's head and have a thread about a woman who lived with a man who didn't pay her rent (as I have seen in mn in the past) and the response would be entirely different.

I don't think anyone gas offered a realistic fair option for both parties tbh.

This sounds like a fairly casual cohabitation. The idea that the op should be trying to get a cut of this property or living rent free is really really odd. If they got married she would be entitled to half the property she had already paid into and if they break up in three months she won't have lost anymore than she would gave dine renting a different room locally and he would keep the house he has worked for.

I'm sure OP's partner has invested a lot of money into the property, obviously he could stand to lose big time if she had any claim on it.

Women are wise until they fall in love - You gotta protect your best interests... don't pay his mortgage and leave yourself short.

OP wouldn't be leaving herself short, she'd be paying similar to if she was living anywhere else.

Another option would be to split the saving she's making between them, then they're both better off by the same amount.

Maybe she would be paying similar if she was living elsewhere... but she wouldn't be romantically linked to her landlord.

The OP isn't moving in as lodger, she is moving in with her partner. If you forget about the other lodgers, would you advise any woman you know to move into a mans property and contribute to his mortgage when a few years time she can be kicked out with nowhere to go and no claim on the mortgage she contributed to?

This is all going off the point. I don't think she should get a share in his property-that hadn't even crossed my mind.

The point is, that HE is not paying housing costs to live there, so why should SHE?
I said upthread that if my BF moved in with me and I had no mortgage to pay, of course I wouldn't expect him to pay me, just share council tax etc.

This reminds me of my sister's relationship with her ex, who she was with for 19 years. They had separate flats, but when they discussed moving in together he thought it would be a good idea to charge her a market rent for sharing his living space, and he would use that money to pay his mortgage off. I pointed out to dear sis that if things went tits up she'd have made a massive contribution to his mortgage but would leave empty handed. Asked why she'd want to do something like this to herself. She refused to speak to me for six months after I said it. Then the relationship went tits up and she moved in to a rented flat with her new partner, sold her own place, and allowed her new dp to rip through the equity within two years (gambling/drugs/unemployment - refusing to sign on as he was a qualified barrister and considered it beneath him, despite not being able to work because he kept being banned from legal practice for being dodgy.... ).

At 49 she's now single and living back at home with my mum. She really picks them poor lass.

OP - I'm a bit repelled by your greedy boyfriend.

Would you really call him a 'partner'? He's wanting to make money out of you. Not nice.

You should be paying your fair share of the living costs of being with him. No more. That means bills, contribution to upkeep of the house, wear and tear etc.

"The idea that the op should be trying to get a cut of this property or living rent free is really really odd."

He has no housing costs as he has no mortgage or rent to pay.

His costs are only those of maintaining the property, and the OP should contribute a fair sum to this, plus her share of the bills.

I'm a bit confused by this. If I moved in with someone I would happily contribute towards his costs, however of the lodgers are covering his mortgage he is paying nothing to live there and therefore making profit by you moving in?

If the lodgers went then that's different.

I would pay a contribution to bills, that will make it cheaper for the lodgers, but I would not pay rent if it's purely profit for him. I'd save it up in case I needed a new place in the future!

This all sounds horribly complicated TBH.

If you were an all-in couple with everything thrown in the pot and shared equally, dealing with the lodgers would be much simpler. But as a new relationship, trying to make sure this is fair to everyone involved just sounds like the fastest way to get a headache.

As he's already in profit from the mortgage, and you are his GF, I agree you shouldn't have to pay for the roof over your head. But you should definitely contribute to bills and shopping. But how on earth is that going to work in a house with lodgers? Are you going to split everything 4 ways, or pick up half the tab of whatever's left once the lodgers costs are paid? Are you going to have to label your food in the cupboards?

Personally, I'd stay living separately until the lodgers leave, you can afford a good financial adviser and a solicitor, or until you're both ready to live together in a joint partnership kind of way.