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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suggest paying less rent to DP?

240 replies

violetbunny · 11/07/2012 18:52

Be kind, this is my first post in AIBU! I'm moving in with DP and can't decide what is a fair amount of rent to pay him.

Background:
DP owns a 3-bedroom house. He occupies 1 bedroom, and rents the other 2 rooms to lodgers at £500pcm each (inc. utilities). The lodgers will remain for now. All bedrooms are of equal size and the rest of the house is a shared area.

The issue:
The plan is for DP and I to share a room when I move in, and we need to agree how much rent I should pay. As DP owns the house, it's not like there is a fixed amount of rent owed on the property which we need to divide up. He has a mortgage, though this is already covered by the rent from the existing lodgers. He has suggested that I pay £400pcm, but given I think I could rent a similar sized room in the area on my own for around £450-500pcm, I think this seems a bit high. His reasoning for it being so much is that he thinks he's undercharging the lodgers. I've searched online for room rentals in the area and so far the evidence suggests the lodgers are paying about the market rate, but I could be wrong.

My suggestion is to ask DP to work out the cost of his room (based on what the lodgers pay, I'd say it's £500pcm minus utilities), and I will pay half of that. Plus I'll pay some extra on top as well to cover my share of the utilities (total utilities divided by 4 people). I'm fairly sure the total amount will be less than £400pcm, so I want to be sure that my reasoning is fair before I suggest it. So, please tell me, is this a fair approach or AIBU?

Note: Before you all tell me to "leave the bastard", I should mention DP is generally quite kind-hearted and generous, but is the first to admit he doesn't have a head for figures. He has most likely plucked a number out of the air without giving it any proper analysis, IYSWIM.

OP posts:
Original poster
violetbunny · 11/07/2012 20:14

mercibucket - I've been quite clear with him that I want to contribute in some way towards rent. For one thing, I am currently paying rent on the place I'll be moving out of and I find it a bit strange not to be paying anything.

OP posts:
WetAugust · 11/07/2012 20:19

You should have titled this thread:

AIBU to pay to shag my landlord?

freerangelady · 11/07/2012 20:19

When I moved into my fiancées mortgage free house I put the equivalent market rent (what I had been paying anyways) and we split the bills. Now we're married we're using those savings to do up the house a bit, have a Holiday and pay for joint treats.

I wouldn't pay him rent as he's gaining equity whilst you gain nothing. I would however be paying for joint hols or something in lieu of rent for a future together.

mercibucket · 11/07/2012 20:32

Lol wetaugust

That's about the size of it

Why do you want to pay rent to share a bedroom in a 3 bed house with 5 people in it when the person you are paying rent to will be making a profit out of you. And expecting a regular shag for his kindness

Makes more sense for him to move in with you and pay you rent and then rent out his other room,( possibly to an entire family of refugees)

mercibucket · 11/07/2012 20:34

Sorry - miscounted there! 4 adults in a 3 bed house. Hope there's a few bathrooms

Chandon · 11/07/2012 20:37

Sorry op, it sounds wrong.

No head for figures indeed! Riiiiiight.

Agree with what margo said.

DunkyWhorey · 11/07/2012 20:41

Amazed at how many posters obviously see a consensual relationship as the woman giving away a "commodity" for free Hmm

Why should the OP get to move in, pay nothing, but the lodgers pay the same, with no reduction in rent, yet "putting up with" another person, not to mention the shagging noises Grin which (god forbid!) might actually be initiated by the OP?

Of course the OP wants to contribute - otherwise she is a "kept woman" (the same posters would probably be saying on another thread anyway)

Its just the amount that is up for debate here - and it should be discussed, before you move in. Anything you are in profit should be put away for a "rainy day" fund should you find the relationship doesn't work, OR should you decide you want to buy/rent a place together and need your own chunk of cash.

holyfishnets · 11/07/2012 20:51

I think half the cost of one room is fair - plus an additional amount of 50 towards utilities. So 300.

However, once your relationship gets more serious and you have kids etc, there will need to be a rethink.

In your shoes and with such a measly outgoing I would save a deposit for your own house. I'd then let your that house out

Pedigree · 11/07/2012 20:53

Just because the man is already living for free in his own house.

DunkyWhorey · 11/07/2012 20:53

Also, to all those posters who say she is "paying" to shag her landlord, if she doesn't pay rent, does that mean he is "paying" her in rent and therefore she is beholden to him for sexual "favours" and thus a prostitute?

You can't have it both ways...

geegee888 · 11/07/2012 21:00

I came up with the figure of £250 before reading through your calculations. So YANBU. Plus your quarter share of bills when they become due. If I were you, I'd expect a bit of a discount for "goodwill" and maybe to pay £200 or £175. If your DP doesn't think is enough, remind him that landlords nearly always think they can charge a higher rent than they can actually have in practice. Plus his room isn't available for letting anyway, its not as if he can actually do anything with it, so any rent you pay is a bonus.

FWIW I would pay rent if I were you, get a tenancy agreement drawn up or pay it by standing order, to protect yourself... You could argue that you are missing out on buying your own property and paying the mortgage off for the years you spend with him, which will be benefitting him financially.

Pedigree · 11/07/2012 21:01

If we depart from the idea that a relationship should be equalitarian then:

He pays nothing towards the mortgage (covered by the tenants) --> Then she doesn't pay anything towards it either.

He pays 1/3 of the bills ---> then she moves in and he pays 1/4 of the bills and she pays 1/4 of the bills. (in consideration to the lodgers)

Other than that is him having his cake, eating it and on top of it being paid for it.

FrillyMilly · 11/07/2012 21:04

Since his mortgage is covered by the lodgers I think it would be fair for you to split his utilities and any other household costs such as sky and food. If the property had no mortgage and no lodgers you wouldn't pay dp to live with him

When I moved in with no DH he had a mortgage already. I didn't pay towards that but paid toward all the other household costs. When he added me to the mortgage we made all our finances joint.

nkf · 11/07/2012 21:06

Oooh, I'm not so sure about the rent. I think I'd live somewhere else but keep seeing him. Do you want to live with lodgers?

TheHappyHissy · 11/07/2012 21:11

Why on EARTH would you want to move INTO a place with 3 people? Living together is hard enough, let alone sharing just a room, with the rest of theflat being communal space.

You would be FAR better off renting a place BY YOURSELF and that way you are guaranteed alone time/couple time to yourselves.

Don't do this, this guy IS being sharp with you, he is profiteering from you.

Floggingmolly · 11/07/2012 21:12

If he thinks he's undercharging the lodgers, why doesn't he suggest they pay more rather than try to recoup some of the under payment from you? Hmm
There seems something very very cold and clinical about arrangements like these.
If the rent is already covered, he shouldn't need to charge you £400 for your side of the bed.

ShellyBoobs · 11/07/2012 21:28

I'm no expert on shared houses having never lived in one, but isn't everyone getting too hung up on the cost of renting the room itself?

Surely the £500 per month covers use of the whole house not just a bedroom?

If more than one person is sharing a room then surely between them they would pay more than a single person sharing a room.

Maybe £500 per month works out at £300 for use of a bedroom and £200 for the other shared parts of the house, therefore if 2 people share a room they should pay £300 plus £200 x 2 per month? Those other lodgers could then pay a little less to account for sharing the house with more people.

I'm thinking too much about this, aren't I. Grin

foreverondiet · 11/07/2012 21:40

I don't think you should pay him anything at all, because its not as if he can rent the other half of his bedroom to anyone else.

TheSpokenNerd · 11/07/2012 21:42

If the OP had said "How much shall I contrbute to the pot when I move in with DP?" that would have sounded MUCH better.

OP...talking about rent when you're in a relatinship with a man who owns his own house is tacky really...he's not paying rent...his mortgage is covered...you both ought to be disussing how you can save together for the future...youre living with the guy which suggests a desire to make a fuure with him.

Can you not offer a set amunt each to go towards bills and savings?

inabeautifulplace · 11/07/2012 21:46

The suggestion of paying half room rent of £250 seems quite fair to me, as the OP has said they run separate finances at this point. Worth remembering that maintenance of the house is DPs responsibility. The suggestion of reassessing this when blending your finances together is also sensible. It's never simple in this situation where there is disparity in the circumstances.

I can't see that the OP can go from no shared finances to having a stake in the property instantly; this would be a step towards that. Those suggesting that he has no housing costs as his mortgage is covered could be forgetting the sizeable deposit invested and the amount he's already paid off the mortgage. It does depend on the situation though, my wife has never contributed directly to housing costs.

NowThenWreck · 11/07/2012 21:47

If I had a house, rented out two rooms, and had no mortgage costs, and my bf moved in with me, I would not charge him rent!
If one or both of the lodger move out, then you look at the mortgage, and pay half each.
Half of nothing is nothing. So, you should pay nothing in rent.
How bizarre that he would even think of this!

NowThenWreck · 11/07/2012 21:50

Oh, and RUN!

Socknickingpixie · 11/07/2012 21:54

if you will agree to do your own dishes and not leave your pants on the bathroom floor you can have a whole room to yourself at mine for £200 a month Grin

Minimammoth · 11/07/2012 21:54

I am not sure about this at all. Where do you keep your personal things? The lodgers have their own space to retire to, you wouldn'nt.

neuroticmumof3 · 11/07/2012 21:59

You should only pay your share of the utilities etc, not actual rent. His mortgage is covered so he is not incurring any expense for you to contribute toward. Why don't you and he rent somewhere together? He could then rent out his current room which would cover/contribute towards the joint rent. At least that way you'd be equals and have your own space.

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