To suggest paying less rent to DP?

[violetbunny]

Be kind, this is my first post in AIBU! I'm moving in with DP and can't decide what is a fair amount of rent to pay him.

Background:
DP owns a 3-bedroom house. He occupies 1 bedroom, and rents the other 2 rooms to lodgers at £500pcm each (inc. utilities). The lodgers will remain for now. All bedrooms are of equal size and the rest of the house is a shared area.

The issue:
The plan is for DP and I to share a room when I move in, and we need to agree how much rent I should pay. As DP owns the house, it's not like there is a fixed amount of rent owed on the property which we need to divide up. He has a mortgage, though this is already covered by the rent from the existing lodgers. He has suggested that I pay £400pcm, but given I think I could rent a similar sized room in the area on my own for around £450-500pcm, I think this seems a bit high. His reasoning for it being so much is that he thinks he's undercharging the lodgers. I've searched online for room rentals in the area and so far the evidence suggests the lodgers are paying about the market rate, but I could be wrong.

My suggestion is to ask DP to work out the cost of his room (based on what the lodgers pay, I'd say it's £500pcm minus utilities), and I will pay half of that. Plus I'll pay some extra on top as well to cover my share of the utilities (total utilities divided by 4 people). I'm fairly sure the total amount will be less than £400pcm, so I want to be sure that my reasoning is fair before I suggest it. So, please tell me, is this a fair approach or AIBU?

Note: Before you all tell me to "leave the bastard", I should mention DP is generally quite kind-hearted and generous, but is the first to admit he doesn't have a head for figures. He has most likely plucked a number out of the air without giving it any proper analysis, IYSWIM.

violet what is going to happen if you get separated?
What if it is in 6 months time?
What if it is in 10 years time and for most of time there has been lodgers in?

Would you think you have contributed to the mortgage by paying a rent or would you just give up, consider that you have in effect paid a rent to your partner for 10 years?

It's supposes to be the start of your life together, not the start of a business arrangement (as in the case where you are renting a room somewhere)

I do understand the OP that she wants to do things fairly as well though, and I would feel the same I think. If she pays nothing, it's like he's giving her the £400 a month. So how to work it out? I think in a way it is fairest if the OP can also invest the rent equivalent in a property or something, so that she also has something to bring to the partnership if it lasts. It's hard though, it really is.

Yes a contribution of some sort is fine. If it was the other way round people would be saying the man was taking her for a ride by moving in and living rent free.

However, his mortgage is already covered by the lodgers. Also logic would tell you £250 is a fair sum as she would be sharing a room with him and so should pay half of what the lodgers pay for a room to themselves. Or perhaps a nominal amount of say £200 and some money towards the bills. £400 is disproportionately high.

Violet please, honestly, listen to the voices of (I assume) much older and more experienced women on this thread. Do not be blinded by love and excitement. Do not put yourself in a precarious situation where you have paid a lot of money into housing by have no equal claim on it to your dp. I know it sounds unromantic and a bit of a downer, but please please do listen.

Agree with NapaCab - for that much you could be splitting mortgage between you and living as a couple. And saying your DP has no head for figures sounds a bit implausible when he's living mortgage free :)

Have you been together long OP?

I would never say that the man was taking the OP for a ride if it was the other way around tbh!
A cocklodger is someone who doesn't participate in any cost/maintenance/running of the house, which is obviously not the case of the OP.

As senua says, it is different: halving a rent is not the same as contributing towards your partner's mortgage with no entitlement to the property. Does DP actually see that I wonder?

That's what I mean lady. If a man moved in and expected to pay no rent at all then he would be taking her for a ride. Therefore it is right that she should pay something. But £400 is too much.

Honestly, if there was a womany saying she wanted to move a bloke in rent free to the situation the OP describes everyone would be screaming "cocklodger"

That said what he has proposed is too high.

Also, if anyone is to be "discounted", surely it should be the lodgers? They are now sharing with yet another person. Why not charge her something but reduce their rent by that amount so that there is no profiteering but the existing lodgers are kept happy?

And why is she apparently providing sexual "favours" - is he not doing the same, or is it only men who are "allowed" to enjoy sex?

SomethingSuitablyWitty - I am fairly sure that this is him honestly having no clue really. He said as much when he made the suggestion, but also wanted to know what I thought was fair and was very open to discussing it. So now I will go back to him with my suggestion (now that I know for sure that IANBU!) and see what he thinks. So far with everything else moving related he has been quite concerned with making sure that I will be happy there, so I am sure he will be open to hearing me out.

OP YABU purely because your DP clearly has a very good head for figures indeed.

Mortgage covered by lodgers and you then subsidising his living costs - and all the while getting you thinking he's just not very good with numbers.

Genius.

Does he definitely have no outgoing at all himself for housing? Half of whatever he's paying towards the mortgage (if anything) plus a quarter of the utilities say, would at least be fair, as suggested by others above.

he is undercharging the lodgers so he wants to make sure he gets his money right with you, his partner, or to make up for the fact he is undercharging his lodgers. Charming.
moving in with somebody is a challenge, without contending with the lodgers too. Will they always be there, how can you relax living with two strangers, how will they feel? What if you need to have huge barny (it will happen!)
get a place together. His house is his business, ie., to make him money, don't get involved.
If you do move in, look at what the rent is for couples sharing locally, usually a bit more than a singe person, then half it.

Just to add I used to hate it when as a lodger, I would have a "landlady" (as it usually was" announce that she was moving her bloke in (usually rent free) and my rent stayed exactly the same yet I had to share the bathroom with him and have him lerring down my dressing gown at 6am

When I met my dh he was renting a room in a house. If I had moved in with him then I would have been happy to pay half the rent for the room.

However, this is different to your situation as your dp is not paying rent. He is paying a mortgage that is already being covered by his lodgers' rent. So it is wrong of him to ask you for this money as it is just extra money and profit for him! Would be better for you to come to an agreement and pay for food, bills etc.

Pedigree

Paying towards the rent/mortage would be fine if there was a shortfall from the rents charged but there isn't. OP's contribution should be her share of the bills only.

Who wouldn't want to move into a love nest with the lodgers pants soaking in the sink?

Really? I don't think you should be paying anything. His mortgage is covered as you said so he would basically be making a profit from having you in his bed...lucky man!

But I know I would feel I had to pay something so agree that 250 seems logical plus bills shared.

X-posted violet, though what I said above is still relevant. He sounds like a nice guy and you know him best. You'll see how he reacts. Talking about money is a bit hard in more recent couples - sometimes you forget that when you've long since set up a joint bank account and bought the contents of your house together. I think you should gently raise the issue of you contributing to his investment while not being able to make your own (despite earning at a similar level) and see what he suggests. Good luck. It's uncomfortable, but better to have it out then have any feeling of resentment.

If a someone owned a house outright and their partner moved in, would they charge rent? I don't think so.

In this case the lodgers are covering the morgage so the DP has no morgage to pay.
By charging his partner rent he is making a profit out of her.

I wouldn't be happy to pay any rent. However if a lodger left I would be happy to contribute.

Oh and if you do pay rent, definitely get a contract. You wouldn't move into a house share (which is, effectively, what this is) without one!

Oh dear me

Op - why are you happy for your dp to make a profit out of you? He had a few choices here: charge nothing or nominal amount (plus share of bills), charge half room rate or charge almost full room rate

I would not say his choice is one of 'financial cluelessness' but 'tight-arsedness'. This does not bode well for the future

Oh dear me

Op - why are you happy for your dp to make a profit out of you? He had a few choices here: charge nothing or nominal amount (plus share of bills), charge half room rate or charge almost full room rate

I would not say his choice is one of 'financial cluelessness' but 'tight-arsedness'. This does not bode well for the future

NapaCab ? I agree it would be better to ditch the lodgers, and that would be the preference longer-term. But at least for the short term they will stay, based on the agreements he has with them already.

he's got a head for figures alright.

I am that he wants you to pay MORE because he thinks he doesn't charge his tenants enough. I'd stay where you are for now.

Can't you buy your own place op? And then he could put another lodger in his current house and move in with you paying rent to you while having no stake in your property.

Would he like to be in that position, I wonder?