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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To suggest paying less rent to DP?

240 replies

violetbunny · 11/07/2012 18:52

Be kind, this is my first post in AIBU! I'm moving in with DP and can't decide what is a fair amount of rent to pay him.

Background:
DP owns a 3-bedroom house. He occupies 1 bedroom, and rents the other 2 rooms to lodgers at £500pcm each (inc. utilities). The lodgers will remain for now. All bedrooms are of equal size and the rest of the house is a shared area.

The issue:
The plan is for DP and I to share a room when I move in, and we need to agree how much rent I should pay. As DP owns the house, it's not like there is a fixed amount of rent owed on the property which we need to divide up. He has a mortgage, though this is already covered by the rent from the existing lodgers. He has suggested that I pay £400pcm, but given I think I could rent a similar sized room in the area on my own for around £450-500pcm, I think this seems a bit high. His reasoning for it being so much is that he thinks he's undercharging the lodgers. I've searched online for room rentals in the area and so far the evidence suggests the lodgers are paying about the market rate, but I could be wrong.

My suggestion is to ask DP to work out the cost of his room (based on what the lodgers pay, I'd say it's £500pcm minus utilities), and I will pay half of that. Plus I'll pay some extra on top as well to cover my share of the utilities (total utilities divided by 4 people). I'm fairly sure the total amount will be less than £400pcm, so I want to be sure that my reasoning is fair before I suggest it. So, please tell me, is this a fair approach or AIBU?

Note: Before you all tell me to "leave the bastard", I should mention DP is generally quite kind-hearted and generous, but is the first to admit he doesn't have a head for figures. He has most likely plucked a number out of the air without giving it any proper analysis, IYSWIM.

OP posts:

BellaVita · 11/07/2012 19:24

How about he pays his portion of the rent like he is know and you pay for the food?

blouseenthusiast · 11/07/2012 19:25

He sounds a prize...

lisaro · 11/07/2012 19:27

For example, if we decided at some point that we want to have the place to ourselves, I think we'd be looking at a totally different agreement.

I dread to ask........

Pedigree · 11/07/2012 19:27

Ok, seeing the situation in a more business like fashion:

Double room available in 3 bedroom house shared with 3 lodgers, room available has a double bed to be shared with one of the lodgers. Sexual favours required as part of the deal. £400 pcm + share of utilities

I doubt there will be many people queueing to get this bargain.

ImperialBlether · 11/07/2012 19:29

Actually, I can't think what would be the best solution in this situation. It's different if you were getting married, but this sounds as though you're just flatmates.

I just can't see what's wrong with him saying, "Why don't you move in with me? The lodgers' rents cover the mortgage. If we each put aside a couple of hundred pounds a month that will easily cover any repairs. We could then both save up and perhaps buy another house for us to live in on our own and rent this out fully."

ImperialBlether · 11/07/2012 19:30

But on the other hand I wouldn't want someone to live with me rent free.

Viviennemary · 11/07/2012 19:32

You should be contributing something towards expenses such as community charge and other bills. But paying rent. And for a shared room. If we are being technical. I'd see alarm bells ringing if your DP has suggested this.

Dropdeadfred · 11/07/2012 19:32

Has he told his lodgers that you will be moving in? Surely his room would be valued the same as the lodgers and therefore you should pay half?

minimisschief · 11/07/2012 19:34

i guarantee many here pay half mortgage or rent with their partners. why people think this is different i havent a clue

Mintyy · 11/07/2012 19:34

I would be extremely wary about entering a ltr with someone where your stake in the property you live in is not equal.

thinkfast · 11/07/2012 19:35

I did this with my dh before we were married but the other way round - I always owned the properties

In my opinion the only fair way is for you to contribute half of your dp's expenses. So if there is a balance to pay on the mortgage after the rent , you pay half. You should also pay half of his share of the utility bills after the lodgers' contributions (if any)

Paying anything more than half of his costs is unfair - you're not moving in so he can make money off you!

Pedigree · 11/07/2012 19:37

Exactly, because is half of the rent, not 80% of it.

ImperialBlether · 11/07/2012 19:38

Fantastic for you owning the properties, thinkfast - I love the plural! I'm really jealous - you must have felt in a really strong position.

ByTheWay1 · 11/07/2012 19:38

are you moving in as a partner or as a lodger?? If as a partner I would pay towards the bills, but that's it - paying rent to a partner - noooooooo.....

when hubby (to be, at the time) moved in, he paid his share of the bills till we got a joint account and joint mortgage... old fuddy duddies I guess.... though we did live together before getting wed.

wibblywobbler · 11/07/2012 19:39

Wouldn't touch him with a bargepole. Sorry

He is profiteering out of you. Even if he just charges you half the going rate for a room. The most you should be paying is a contribution towards bills. Not paying to share his room

Bloody hell he gets sex on tap and extra income

SomethingSuitablyWitty · 11/07/2012 19:40

It's a tough one. If you were moving in together in a rented place, halving the rent would be the obvious solution, given that you earn a similar salary. This isn't the same as that though, because you will be effectively contributing towards a mortgage you are not on, despite being the partner of the person holding it. In RL I know a couple where the woman had the mortgage and was in a similar situation. Her partner moved in, but they agreed he would not contribute, though he covered a bit extra on some things - shopping etc. After a while, he bought his own place just to rent out for extra income and in the end they got married and mutualised the lot.

I think that the sum your partner has pulled out of his head is worryingly high TBH. I'd have expected him to be embarassed about you paying anything if he is effectively rent-free himselve (mortgage covered by lodgers) and would have expected him to name a nominal sum or suggest some alternative scheme of saving up for something together. You know best whether this is really just him not thinking it though, or whether it show up a slightly nasty stingy or greedy streak. I'd say talk it through with him in more detail about it all and how he sees the fact that you will essentially be contributing to paying off his house.

ImperialBlether · 11/07/2012 19:42

Or say to him that you want to buy somewhere and will he come and live in it and pay half the mortgage?

wanderingalbatross · 11/07/2012 19:43

I was in a very similar situation with my (now) DH when we first moved in together. I insisted the lodgers went before i moved in, and then paid him market rate for a room. Once we were married though, we began to pool all our money.

In your situation, with lodgers still there, I'd offer half of the room rate plus 1/4 bills. But, I'd also make sure I had enough coming in that I wouldn't end up completely dependent on him.

I'm not sure why there are so many calls of 'leave the bastard' It'd be a bit odd not to contribute anything, and why the need to pool finances so early on when moving in?

LadyInDisguise · 11/07/2012 19:47

I am extremely uneasy about the use of the word 'rent'. If there was no lodgers there, what would you do?
I would be very uneasy for you to pay half of the mortgage for an obvious reason. You are not married. If you were to separate, you would have paid part of his mortgage and never see anything back.
You could also have your own house and pay towards that one too.
In this case, the lodgers are already paying the mortgage so in effect he is making money on your back, ie on the back of the person he loves and wants to live with

Paying half of the utility bill that you are using sounds normal. But then how are you going to know how much is the part of the lodgers and how much is 'your part' ie 'yours and his'?

This is really not what I would have in mind when moving in with someone.....

Original poster

violetbunny · 11/07/2012 19:49

wanderingalbatross - I'm glad to hear from someone who has been in a similar situation. Your suggestion is exactly what I'm proposing.

OP posts:

LadyInDisguise · 11/07/2012 19:49

wandering because it's not 'pooling finances' it's the OP's DP making money out of her as if she was a lodger when she is his partner.

NapaCab · 11/07/2012 19:50

Sounds to me like your DP is indeed a bit of a tightwad but you're choosing to ignore it because presumably he has other positive personality traits. Having two lodgers to pay his mortgage when he could - by the sounds of it - afford it himself is weird.

If you move in with him, you'll be living like a student in a flat-share, sharing bathrooms and the kitchen - you would never have peace as a couple. It would be better to ditch the lodgers and just pay the mortgage yourselves, half-and-half. It wouldn't be much more expensive for you compared to what he's asking for already (if mortgage is about £800-1000 per month as it seems from what the lodgers are paying inc. utilities) and your DP could grow up and have a normal adult life rather than living like a minor civil servant from the Edwardian era...

NapaCab · 11/07/2012 19:50

And obviously get some legal protection or claim to the property if you're going to be contributing to the mortgage

senua · 11/07/2012 19:51

I guarantee many here pay half mortgage or rent with their partners. why people think this is different i havent a clue

Because mortgage that we were both paying towards was for a house that had both names on the title deed. In this case OP gets the cost and her 'D'P reaps the benefit.

eslteacher · 11/07/2012 19:52

I'd be a bit annoyed at being charged the same as any other lodger, to be honest.

However, I appreciate that given that this house is clearly a money-making venture for your DP and not just a normal home, it does make the situation a bit more hazy.

From my point of view: I moved in to my DP's house after we'd been together for a while. He is someone who is not particularly generous with his money - even though he has quite a bit more money than me, was have always split restaurants/holidays/shopping/trips out 50/50 right from the start of our relationship because that is what he is comfortable with, and its fine for me too. But when I moved in to his house, there was no suggestion that I pay him rent. I would have been if he had suggested that. I pay for exactly half of all the bills and utilities and council tax, plus a very small contribution on top of that towards maintenance/decoration/repairs etc.

Anyway, I do feel that your DP is being...well not unreasonable exactly, but not very thoughtful or kind-spirited in asking you to pay the going rate. Maybe there are extenuating circumstances like the house is his only source of income, or you don't necessarily want moving in together to be seen as any sort of commitment beyond a practical arrangement or whatever, in which case it would be different. But otherwise...I'd want to pay something less than the going rate, really. I don't think that's unreasonable.

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