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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just ask

158 replies

annoyedaboutcake · 07/07/2012 13:41

I'm honestly not bothered if the replies aren't PC either Grin I just need pure honesty.

Someone I know is in their early 30s and is planning to have a child next year using a sperm donor as the father as they are not in a relationship. The person concerned has absolutely no support from wider family whatsoever, works full time and has no savings.

Do you think that this person is selfish?

OP posts:
NarkedRaspberry · 07/07/2012 13:43

No.

NickNacks · 07/07/2012 13:45

No

BigHairyFlowers · 07/07/2012 13:45

No.

JeezyPeeps · 07/07/2012 13:46

No.

KatherineKavanagh · 07/07/2012 13:46

No

NickNacks · 07/07/2012 13:47

Actually can I change my answer to yes but no more than any other parent having a child as I think wanting a baby is a very selfish thing but good selfish rather than bad selfish if that makes sense.

Original poster
annoyedaboutcake · 07/07/2012 13:47

wow unanimous! So no one thinks she is selfish to deprive the child of a father, that she might not be able to cope with raising a child without any support, that she should try to save some money up first, that she's putting the child into childcare full time when she works, that she should at least wait to see if she meets anyone before going ahead? Hmm

OP posts:
browneyesblue · 07/07/2012 13:47

No

Catsdontcare · 07/07/2012 13:48

My first reaction is yes but nothing is black and white so probably shouldn't judge

wannabedomesticgoddess · 07/07/2012 13:48

People in far worse situations have kids.

So no.

JeezyPeeps · 07/07/2012 13:49

I'm a single parent by choice. I left my kids father. I work. So by your definition I'm selfish too.

I still say no.

Acumenoop · 07/07/2012 13:49

No

She's human. It's one of our most basic biological drives.

Limelight · 07/07/2012 13:50

No

Yama · 07/07/2012 13:50

No. Absolutely not. And not deserving of your judgement.

Original poster
annoyedaboutcake · 07/07/2012 13:51

cats, can I ask you why your first instinct was to say yes? :)

OP posts:
ornellaia · 07/07/2012 13:52

No more than anyone else having a kid.

JeezyPeeps · 07/07/2012 13:52

I would say that if she was trying to trap a man into a one night stand to get pregnant, then my answer would be yes. But people donate to sperm banks willingly and knowingly.

Good luck to her. Parenthood is not easy but it's so worth it.

AliceHurled · 07/07/2012 13:53

No.

scentednappyhag · 07/07/2012 13:53

No.

RackandRuin · 07/07/2012 13:53

I don't think they are being selfish. I do think they should go into it with their eyes wide open though and realise that it will be tough. Although I know a couple of women that have done it and not regretted it for a minute.

Westcountrylovescheese · 07/07/2012 13:54

No

maddening · 07/07/2012 13:55

compared to any other parent no, she is not selfish.

what you have described does not sound anything other than normal (leaving the manner of conception out of it) - there are far more selfish parents - drug and alcohol addicts for example, and far more unsuitable / neglectful parents than your friend.

She obviously wants a child very much as she is not taking the easy route - I am sure she will ensure the child grows up in a loving,caring and supportive home.

RackandRuin · 07/07/2012 13:57

The thing is that you can never really save enough to fund a child and she could 80 still looking for that perfect guy.

BigHairyFlowers · 07/07/2012 13:57

'..trap a man into a one night stand to get pregnant' ? Hmm

Original poster
annoyedaboutcake · 07/07/2012 13:58

Do you think the child might grow to resent her for having deprived him or her of a 'normal' family life?

OP posts:
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