to just ask

[annoyedaboutcake]

I'm honestly not bothered if the replies aren't PC either I just need pure honesty.

Someone I know is in their early 30s and is planning to have a child next year using a sperm donor as the father as they are not in a relationship. The person concerned has absolutely no support from wider family whatsoever, works full time and has no savings.

Do you think that this person is selfish?

No. It's her right to have a child as long as the child is looked after. There's nothing in the op to suggest it wouldn't be.

Maybe those of us who are lucky enough to have found supportive partners who also want children should remember how lucky we are.

no.
the urge to have a baby is very strong. i hope she can find support from somewhere.

What's a normal family life?

Why are you so bothered?

oh, and there isn't a lot of sperm around at the moment - she might need to go to sweden, if she's white ...

What's wrong, don't you understand?

Okay, some women take advantage of men by enticing them into a one night stand and lying about contraception. In order to get pregnant. Some of these men would pass up on the offer if they were aware it was an attempt at procreation rather than just a bit of fun.

Clearer?

No

That depends whether the child is subjected to people criticising and going on about some fictional 'normal' family life OP. If the child isn't exposed to negative, critical people then I don't see why they would begrudge their mother anything.

Yeah, all those poor innocent men walking around having their sperms stolen by evil conniving fucking women bitches.

Do you know any of these evil women bitches or is this just something you read in the daily mail?

wow unanimous! So no one thinks she is selfish to deprive the child of a father, No.

that she might not be able to cope with raising a child without any support, Just as someone with support might not be able to cope? Look around these boards, there are plenty with DH's and wider support who can't cope. Sterilising the lot of them might be a solution. Not making stupid assumptions and not stereotyping would be an even better one.

that she should try to save some money up first, No.

that she's putting the child into childcare full time when she works, Do married and attached women never go to work and use FT childcare then? Fuck me, I never knew that.

that she should at least wait to see if she meets anyone before going ahead?

No.

HTH.

jeezyPeeps, I'm not sure you understand - I mean somebody buying sperm from the Internet and using it to get pregnant, not tricking anybody.

I just wondered how you'd react if your child grew up and said why haven't I got a dad?

I know someone who tried to, but didn't get pregnant.

Anyway, that's irrelevant, the point was that would be a selfish thing to do. A sperm bank isnt.

I hope my point is now clear.

I think she is brave. I would hope she has thought through the financial implications and will have friends support if family support is not there but I would ope that for anyone planning a baby.

jeezy. I'm sure men are more than able to supply and use their own condoms if they are at all bothered about becoming a father or catching/sharing an STD.

I do understand - bloody hell, I'm not stupid!

Thanks, Jeezy. I'd never do that! I'm not sure I'd want to - ugh, you could get an STI!

Hope

Jeezy - I don't understand then! Why did you bring that up in that case? :)

STOP MISSING THE POINT PEOPLE!

"Do you think the child might grow to resent her for having deprived him or her of a 'normal' family life?"

No, but I do think that anyone who regards loneparenthood as not "normal" and deprived could be considered a bit of a cunt though.

HTH.

NO she isnt selfish at all to want a family

Plenty of women choose to be single parents (sometimes because they concieved out of a relationship, or the relationship broke down), and work full time.
Plenty of parents put children in to full time nursery, even when dad is on the scene.
It is none of your business to judge her. Either support her decission and be there for her when it gets tough, or get out of her life.

I give up.

She's not selfish. I tried to make the point that there are selfish ways to achieve the same end result, but that going down the route she is planning is not selfish.

lovebunny "might need to go to Sweden if she's white" ??!!! FFS

you know women go out get pissed and get pregnant father has no interest in a child or is in and out of a childs life etc etc , at least this woman is planning to use a donated sperm and have a baby women work put bbaies into childcare with fathers around, I dont see your point,

OK - I'm not judging anybody, the "someone I know" is me. :) It's what I'm planning to do next year but I sometimes wonder if people hold back to be polite so played devil's advocate a little.

So no one thinks I'm a selfish bitch then? :)