to just ask

[annoyedaboutcake]

I'm honestly not bothered if the replies aren't PC either I just need pure honesty.

Someone I know is in their early 30s and is planning to have a child next year using a sperm donor as the father as they are not in a relationship. The person concerned has absolutely no support from wider family whatsoever, works full time and has no savings.

Do you think that this person is selfish?

Yes

I don't think you are being selfish (at least, no more selfish than any other woman who wants a baby). You are not depriving the child of a father - you are giving life to a child who would, frankly, not exist otherwise.

You have considered things, made your plans, and checked you can afford to have a child. That's far more than most people do.

Of course, an alternative is to desperately hunt for a male partner who wants children (can be a tall order) and convince him to start a family with you, all the time being aware that the clock is ticking. I think you said that you are 32? The IVF clinic I went to was very clear that fertility drops off a cliff from 35/36. I am now pregnant after two MCs and was trying for just over 2 years. The time all adds up. Yes, you may meet someone in the future. And if they are worth having they will love your existing child as much as you will.

It's interesting, as I think a lot of people feel it's selfish but perhaps don't like to say so. I wouldn't advertise what I was doing - I imagine most people would conclude I was a single mother like (sadly) many others.

I did think about adoption but it really isn't for me.

its not selfish.

Go for it - wishing you much luck

No not selfish, but risky -- foolish, maybe. It's a Lot to deliberately take on without support.

Science lover-I think adopting a child and conceiving a child are two different processes. You could say that anyone, fertile, infertile, with a partner or not would be doing a less selfish thing by adopting. Thing is, it's not usually the first idea people have when considering starting a family. People without partners or who need sperm or egg donation don't have any more obligation than the rest of the populous to be unselfish. Good luck op. We have three gorgeous children conceived through sperm donation.

Thanks, molehill :)

Don'teat - risky, I can accept, I think foolish is a rather unkind word though.

It is indeed a lot to take on without support, but then I have managed to do everything else without support. It's something I'm used to :)