am I being shallow or is he an unchivalrous loser?

[jadebond007]

Soooooo...

I've been seeing this chap for about three months now. I really, really like him, but I'm put off by his lack of gentlemanliness.

Here's some examples:

We went to the chip shop. He made me give him a pound towards my meal. The chip man asked two chips and he replied no just one to share. The portion size was bullshit.

I'm on a healthy eating diet. He constantly buys me chocolate bars and really tries to push them on me. Like, I say no thanks, and he scoffs and says well I'm just going to leave it right next to you and we'll see what happens.

I showed him a video on youtube. He said, have you got any other awful videos to abuse me with.

He only walks halfway to meet me or pick me up from anywhere. If I have to get a taxi because it's late, he lets me pay for it. Oh, I think he once gave me half the fare.

We went out for a meal last night. I deliberately choose

Whoops! Tbc!

He sounds tight and patronising and your post makes it sound like you always expect him to pick you up and pay for everything, but maybe that's not how you meant to come across? Either way I'd finish it and move on if I were you.

...somewhere really cheap. Just a £12 all you can eat Chinese (which wasn't really what I wanted because I'm trying to eat healthily). He STILL didn't pay. In fact as we were leaving, the restaurant manager stopped him and said, you know the man should really pay for the lady. Then when we were walking back, he was like why do I have to buy things? Why don't people buy ME presents?

He's 31

What do you all think? He's lovely apart from this, but this stuff is really setting my teeth on edge.

Hit me with it!

Run for the hills!

I don't think he should have to pay for everything, I think you should pay half each.

I think an element of concern from him about how you are getting home would be a good thing - but that it's not his responsibility to get you home himself.

I think the chocolate thing sounds childish and controlling.

I think you sound ridiculous. Why are you unwilling to pay your way?

He sounds rude and bad-mannered.

he sounds about 8 years old!

loser - bin him

He's tight and bordering on EA. He doesn't respect you. Run away. Fast.

Was it a healthy eating portion of chips by the way? And I suppose you do eat the chocolate?

I don't see why you expect him to pay for you either.

Ignoring your ridiculous expectations that he should be paying for you, what on earth do you see in him? Get shot.

You should pay your way IMO.

Have we been transported back to 1950 here

Whatever the rights and wrongs (and the getting safely home thing bothers me personally more than the money), you don't share the same values and expectations from a relationship, so it won't work.

I also suspect that he would be the kind of man to accuse you of living in his dollar if you took time off work to have a baby.

If you are going home alone, yes, pay for your own taxi.

But this is bloody weird ...

'Like, I say no thanks, and he scoffs and says well I'm just going to leave it right next to you and we'll see what happens.'

I think its not 1970!

Have you offered to pay for a meal?

He MADE you give him a pound towards the chips, what? physically made you? Perhaps he was a bit skint and was a pound short, maybe it was a test to see if you would offer to pay, maybe he thinks you're a massive freeloader bit of a tight ass

If you were meeting a female friend would you expect her to walk you all the way home?

Poor buggers damned if he does, damned if he doesn't!

Yabu to expect him to pay, Yanbu to think some of his behaviours suggest he is patronising and frankly a bit rude. I'd run for the hills!

I think you are both a tad unreasonable. You appear to be living in a past era where "gentlemen" were expected to pay for everything and women were merely simpering accessories.

On the other hand, extreme meanness is unpleasant in anyone and it'd be a relationship breaker for me. The buying of chocolate when he knows you are trying to eat healthily (we'll draw a veil over the Chip Shop Incident) suggests he enjoys playing mind games too and, quite frankly, he doesn't come over as much of a catch.

I wouldn't say either of you was entirely in the wrong, but it's clear you aren't compatible. If you were to move in together you would be fighting over money all the time.
Move on.

I think that sharing the cost of things is fair enough, but he does sound tight and controlling. I would see that as a big red flag.
My first thought when reading your OP was actually that you obviously don't like yourself a huge amount, if you're willing to put up with him.

I went out with a guy that had me pay half for our Asda takeaway, etc. It wasn't the paying exactly - I'm perfectly happy to pay my way - but I think that being so exacting about it is what is unattractive.

In contrast, DP and I alternately paid for things - it feels much nicer that way, and as long as no-one takes the mick it's easier too.