Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

am I being shallow or is he an unchivalrous loser?

182 replies

jadebond007 · 05/07/2012 19:25

Soooooo...

I've been seeing this chap for about three months now. I really, really like him, but I'm put off by his lack of gentlemanliness.

Here's some examples:

We went to the chip shop. He made me give him a pound towards my meal. The chip man asked two chips and he replied no just one to share. The portion size was bullshit.

I'm on a healthy eating diet. He constantly buys me chocolate bars and really tries to push them on me. Like, I say no thanks, and he scoffs and says well I'm just going to leave it right next to you and we'll see what happens.

I showed him a video on youtube. He said, have you got any other awful videos to abuse me with.

He only walks halfway to meet me or pick me up from anywhere. If I have to get a taxi because it's late, he lets me pay for it. Oh, I think he once gave me half the fare.

We went out for a meal last night. I deliberately choose

OP posts:
kim147 · 05/07/2012 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
jadebond007 · 05/07/2012 20:58

He also smokes 20 a day. I smoke a little, maybe two or three a day. But that's 6 or 7 pounds a day. It makes me feel awful when he insists I come to his house, when he lives really far away and then waves me off in a taxi I'm paying for while he chuffs his last cigarette.

I try and ask him on dates so we've been a few times but he's really awkward unless he gets to do what he wants to do. I asked him if he wanted to go for a drink the other day and he said no. To my face, just like no. Not that would be nice but how about this instead or oh I'm sorry I'm not in the mood. Just, no.

OP posts:
TheSpokenNerd · 05/07/2012 21:00

Did the manager REALLY say that? Hmm I'd be more annoyed at that tbh.

carernotasaint · 05/07/2012 21:03

jade he got worse over time. They do im afraid. Its always more subtle at the very start to see what they can get away with.

ReportMeNow · 05/07/2012 21:03

How about "I don't think we should go out anymore. You're far too modern and bang-up-to-date with dating etiquette whilst I'm just an old fashioned girl who wants to be wined and dined, with a few crudites. Thank you for all the great times, no specific examples, but thanks nevertheless. Hope you find someone who appreciates you for your marvellous, marvellous qualities. Have a Double-Decker on me."

IslaValargeone · 05/07/2012 21:05

Why doesn't he come to your house?
All this' he insists, 'he makes me', is bringing out my twitch to be honest.

DoMeDon · 05/07/2012 21:05

It's up to him how he spends his money - he can spend every penny on fags if he likes. What are these good points? They aren't coming over in your posts.

Anyhoo bin him - he sounds foul.

kim147 · 05/07/2012 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThisIsAUsername · 05/07/2012 21:12

Life is just too short for this shit. Dump him, tell him the reasons why - he's a big boy and he can handle it. And then move on. Unless you want to spend more of your precious years like this.

sparkybabe · 05/07/2012 21:16

I used to know a married couple who split everything 50/50, even on holiday. It was excruciating to listen to them arguing over how much one had paid for an ice cream for the other... and expecting the money back for it.

cureall · 05/07/2012 21:17

IslaV I can see you twitching! :o

OP get rid. Just stop calling him. Go out and find yourself a nice chap who likes the same things you do. You are wasting your time and money on this loser.

I would also like to know what you 'love' about him. He sounds a flippin' nightmare.

emsyj · 05/07/2012 21:25

If this is genuine, I am struggling to see what the OP is getting out of this 'relationship'.

Confused
Original poster
jadebond007 · 05/07/2012 21:27

He's really funny, clever, he compliments me (guess that's free!), hmm it's hard to describe. I can talk to him for hours and hours, it all flows really naturally. We like the same films and music. I feel really comfortable around him - mostly. He just makes me feel warm and happy.

It's just the practicalities, anything that isn't lying around in bed, just jars really horribly.

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 05/07/2012 21:28

OP, why do you think you are 'falling in love' with this man? You haven't posted anything that suggests he's in any way lovable. Are you totally desperate not to be single?

solidgoldbrass · 05/07/2012 21:29

xposts. Sorry. But still - he might like the same films and music, but he also likes teasing and belittling you and telling you what to do. Doesn't sound worth the aggravation.
It might also be a good idea to spend some time without dating or sex, to retune your knob radar.

Original poster
jadebond007 · 05/07/2012 21:42

I think you might be right on that one solidgoldbrass. I was already thinking that things weren't right, but it is a shame. I was kinda hoping it was me expecting too much.

Back to the drawing board!

OP posts:
CogPsych · 05/07/2012 21:57

He's probably been reading some 'pickup artist' material and thinks he's going to have the ladies queuing up if he treats them horribly. Lots of women will probably fall for it too.

Run away!

ashesgirl · 05/07/2012 22:44

Carer, he told you to take immodium to save on toilet roll?! Oh my god. I've never heard anything that bad in my life. Do believe you btw. Just the lengths people go to!

lololizzy · 05/07/2012 23:04

he sounds a bit petty.
BUT..I've always paid 50-50. In all my relationships. It's not the 1950s.
I would never expect a man to pay for me.
The restaurant owner was outrageous!

saintmerryweather · 05/07/2012 23:06

if all he said was 'no', maybe hes a mumsnetter and knows that no is a complete sentence? anyway, why should it be a 70/30 split?

carernotasaint · 05/07/2012 23:11

thanks ashesgirl. i did learn a lot going through that experience. Because of it i can spot the early signs of financial abuse a mile off.

SoleSource · 05/07/2012 23:13

Ditch the whinging bitch.

kotinka · 05/07/2012 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Krumbum · 05/07/2012 23:19

You can't expect him to pay. But he does sound like he's rude about and tries to decide things for you which is wrong.

yellowraincoat · 05/07/2012 23:21

The chocolate thing is bullshit. That's a dumping offence right there.

The money thing, well, I just expect to go halfers, but it sounds like you're paying for more stuff than him. Also dumping offence.

The practicalities are important. Stinginess is a horrible trait and it'll just piss you off even more and more and if you end up living together he'll constantly be looking for ways to get you to foot the bill. F that.