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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

am I being shallow or is he an unchivalrous loser?

182 replies

jadebond007 · 05/07/2012 19:25

Soooooo...

I've been seeing this chap for about three months now. I really, really like him, but I'm put off by his lack of gentlemanliness.

Here's some examples:

We went to the chip shop. He made me give him a pound towards my meal. The chip man asked two chips and he replied no just one to share. The portion size was bullshit.

I'm on a healthy eating diet. He constantly buys me chocolate bars and really tries to push them on me. Like, I say no thanks, and he scoffs and says well I'm just going to leave it right next to you and we'll see what happens.

I showed him a video on youtube. He said, have you got any other awful videos to abuse me with.

He only walks halfway to meet me or pick me up from anywhere. If I have to get a taxi because it's late, he lets me pay for it. Oh, I think he once gave me half the fare.

We went out for a meal last night. I deliberately choose

OP posts:
lovebunny · 05/07/2012 19:50

sack him. if he's this obnoxious now, what will he be like when he thinks he has power over you?

kim147 · 05/07/2012 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Laquitar · 05/07/2012 19:52

The Restaurant manager stopped him and told him that???

solidgoldbrass · 05/07/2012 19:54

If you don't like him, bin him and move on. It's only been three months and there are plenty of other men out there.

Though it would be a good idea to lose the mindset of men paying for everything. The sort of blokes who agree that it's the man's job to pay also tend to believe that having paid for your food, drink and entertainment, they are entitled to have sex on you.

ivykaty44 · 05/07/2012 19:56

He is try to set you up to fail - with the chocolate temptation. That is a nasty trait and that is awful.

Who cares who pays for what or how you get home.

But to have someone trying to set you up to fail is a big no no

Original poster
jadebond007 · 05/07/2012 19:57

Hmm so there's both sides going on. I don't expect him to pay for everything... But something would be nice. I have paid for meals for him on occasion and I'd like it if he returned the favour.

To be honest, I'd like it if he more than returned the favour and paid like 70/30 of everything, but that's just me.

He will only eat unhealthy food. Nothing even slightly crazy. He won't even eat garlic bread because garlic is a vegetable. I shit you not.

OP posts:
Original poster
jadebond007 · 05/07/2012 20:01

I really like him. Like, loads. Maybe falling in love? But these things are like alarm bells.

The chocolate thing was really mean. It's a recurrent thing too.

Another thing he did: I asked him if he liked my nail varnish, because it was a bit of an unusual colour and I wasn't sure about it. It was just chit chat. He shrugged and went yeah whatever... I saw some really nice nail varnish on this girl the other day.

...I have to stop seeing him don't I?

OP posts:
CaliforniaLeaving · 05/07/2012 20:02

He sounds like a total idiot, dump him.

littlemslazybones · 05/07/2012 20:02

YANBU

Although I do think it's important to pay you own way. I think it's part and parcel of an equal relationship that you mirror each others gestures within your own means. So, he treats you for a night out and then you do the same.

I couldn't be doing with going halves on a bag of bloody chips.

I think anyone who is so fixated with money that they NEED to know that everything will be even-stevens at the end of a night is cheap and a PITA.

Run OP. Run.

lottiegb · 05/07/2012 20:03

So the only thing he pays for ungrudgingly is chocolate that you don't want? I assume you don't eat it. Does he then take it away?

Have you ever offered to pay for a meal, saying 'your turn next time', or invited him put to do anything you think is lovely and paid for that. That would on vey a sense of your preferences.

lottiegb · 05/07/2012 20:04

Out and convey, damn ipad

susiedaisy · 05/07/2012 20:07

Um yes op you need to get shot of him he sounds like he will undermine patronise and stifle you in the long run!

MakeHayAndSneeze · 05/07/2012 20:07

If you have such big misgivings this early, it's not a good sign. Leaving aside the who-pays stuff, the chocolate thing is an alarm bell for me, doesn't seem very respectful at best. Personally, I'd cut my losses and leave, but it's your call as to whether the rest makes up for the bad bits (they are not going to go away though, but have you tried telling him how the chocolate comments make you feel? His reaction may help your decision).

dreamingbohemian · 05/07/2012 20:08

Er, yes. I think you should call it quits. As others said, regardless of who is right, you're clearly not compatible.

I never expected men to pay for everything when I was dating, but I would think it a bit unfortunate if someone never offered to treat me.

I think his other behaviour is more of a red flag. It sounds like there's a bit of a mean edge to his teasing, that's never good.

BasilBabyEater · 05/07/2012 20:08

Nobber.

Bin him.

Next

mayorquimby · 05/07/2012 20:09

Get shot quickly.

Do the poor bloke a favour

kim147 · 05/07/2012 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IslaValargeone · 05/07/2012 20:13

Are you both 12?

mayorquimby · 05/07/2012 20:13

with money that they NEED to know that everything will be even-stevens at the end of a night is cheap and a PITA."

In fairness it seems the op is the one fixated with money. He hasn't been scrimping off her or buying her things then asking for cash back off her. He's paid his way and not paid for her getting a taxi, in fact he did once pay for a taxi he wasn't getting in, just the op was.

", he was like why do I have to buy things? Why don't people buy ME presents?"

Can only imagine how annoying that must be

wheresthepopcorn · 05/07/2012 20:14

DUMP HIM! He sounds hideous - sorry :( Sure he has some good points and that's why you're seeing him but a guy with such money issues already should get a red card.

Original poster
jadebond007 · 05/07/2012 20:15

He's more than happy to pay for chocolate for me. We don't go on dates, we only meet at his house. If we pop to the shop, he's like, do you want a double decker, kit kat? Go on, don't be weird. I'll buy you one anyway.

Yes, I've tried saying ok you get the next one. He doesn't.

I remembered another one. We went halves on some food from the shop. I didn't have exact change so he ended up paying slightly more. He went on for about five minutes about being 'done over'. I did confront him over that but he swore blind that it was just a joke.

His teasing is mean and he's very hard to confront. He gets really easily offended and goes on about it so much, it's not worth mentioning.

OP posts:
sunshinenanny · 05/07/2012 20:16

He sounds creepy to me especially the chocolate thing and he's patronising.
Get rid fast!

NarkedRaspberry · 05/07/2012 20:16

Is this tongue in cheek or do we have an attack of the hairy footed? This is the second thread I've seen in the past 15 minutes that's made me Hmm

Ormiriathomimus · 05/07/2012 20:17
  1. Why are you eating chips on a healthy eating diet?
  2. Why don't you expect to pay your share?

However if these things bother you that much I should just forget it. I don't suppose he's going to change.

LoveHandles88 · 05/07/2012 20:18

Grin at Euphemia