am I being shallow or is he an unchivalrous loser?

[jadebond007]

Soooooo...

I've been seeing this chap for about three months now. I really, really like him, but I'm put off by his lack of gentlemanliness.

Here's some examples:

We went to the chip shop. He made me give him a pound towards my meal. The chip man asked two chips and he replied no just one to share. The portion size was bullshit.

I'm on a healthy eating diet. He constantly buys me chocolate bars and really tries to push them on me. Like, I say no thanks, and he scoffs and says well I'm just going to leave it right next to you and we'll see what happens.

I showed him a video on youtube. He said, have you got any other awful videos to abuse me with.

He only walks halfway to meet me or pick me up from anywhere. If I have to get a taxi because it's late, he lets me pay for it. Oh, I think he once gave me half the fare.

We went out for a meal last night. I deliberately choose

Ok, tressy. I'm sorry for biting.

I get what you mean, lisaro. It's just nice for a man to offer to pay. That doesn't mean you're selling your company

I can't link to the youtube video because I'm at work but basically it was just a music video I'd seen that I thought was interesting. Personally, I would be polite and not say someone was abusing me by showing me something that wasn't to my taste

Ditch him-I would be horrified if a man took me to a £12 buffet and asked for half the cash-I dont give a shit if this makes me old fashioned. I prefer a man who acts like a gentleman.

Why is it "nice" for a man to offer to pay?

I make my own money. I don't need someone to pay for me all the time.

Sorry, but you are selling your company, however much you'd rather you weren't.

Good manners are extremely important. If he's not well mannered now what will he be like down the road a while.

Get rid now is my advice

And you really like him? Blimey, I'd get my bumps felt if i were you OP.

I always find mean with money, mean with emotion.

Well at 31 he is unlikely to change his ways.

The chocalte things seems controlling to me and I certainly wouldn't leave you to make your own way home.

The vid thing could have been an attempt at humour, but to me says "you have poor taste".

Things will stay the same, you will become miserable ans resentful.

3 months is not a huge amounrt of time to have invested, but you would probably be happier moving on.

There is no generosity in him at all. It's really nice to treat each other (cook each other nice meals etc) but he sounds a real tight wad and mean spirited. I must say that generosity should go both ways and in a loving relationship he should be supporting you in losing weight if thats what you want.

Next time pick up the chocolate and pop it through your neighbors door! Tell neibour that it was a little treat for her kid as you can't have it.

Also try being generous yourself and if after a couple of times he isn't generous either, then give him the push but explain why.

Well he messaged me back. He said that I'm being really mean to him. I said I'm really sorry, but I can't be with someone who is mean to me and other people. I really don't think he gets it.

He sounds like a bit of a twat. Just stop answering his texts now.

Honestly jade you have done the right thing. You deserve respect. He isn't equipped to give you any. EVER.

Here's what he said to when I put I'm sorry that it's like this, I wish it was different:

"As I've said before if wishes were fishes we'd all live in the ocean. And don't bullshit me, it never had a chance the way you scrutinised me, like a shark that smelled blood. Well this is a very aquatic text. I'm sad its done, but i'm glad you cant make me feel as second class as you just did anymore"

Ouch.

I think you're well rid to be honest! He sounds pretty vicious I agree don't answer his texts - any reply will just encourage more like that! - and steer clear of him.

Congratulations though- you have probably just bodyswerved several years of misery.

Ergh. Definitely dodged a bullet on that one!

Delete his number and move on, jade - this is a man who'd never had a bloody prawn until this year, fgs - you're not about to start trusting his judgement on whether or not you're a good person, are you? cos that would be DAFT! :)

Jade that text confirms what you suspected - this man is a loon.

As the others have said you have dodged a bullet. Delete his number and put him out of your mind.

I think you've done the right thing and saved yourself years of grief. I broke up with a critical, tight-fisted arse once (wonder why?!) and couldn't bring myself to tell him all the reasons (and there were many) that I didn't want to be with him anymore.

I do regret that a little bit - I just went with the cowardly it's not you it's me line. At least you have provided some useful feedback. Whether he takes the trouble to actually look at himself and see if he merits it is his problem, not yours.

Now delete his number/email/address from your brain and have a bloody big celebratory drink! In that order!

It's not very nice, I have to admit. It stings. I guess I started this thread hoping it was me who could change.

But he's just plain mean, isn't he?

yup, bullet dodged.

i think how people treat shop staff, waiters etc. says the world about them tbh.

and i can't stand meanness.

Oh wait on 2nd thought, kotinka has a point.

Keep the number but change the name to 'Tight-fisted Arse' so you're constantly reminded of why you broke up!