AIBU to say something about a self harming nursery worker at my daughters nursery

[savlonqueen]

I have noticed at the nursery my daughters attend that one of the members of staff seem to be self harming not at work im sure but has the very obvious scars on her arm some of which are just healing
I have also seen more appear over the last week and a half

Bit of background info:
She is not the key worker for any of my daughters but she is one of the more bubbly members of staff who makes an effort to talk to all the parents kind of thing and she is the one who seems to get everything done especially when my daughters dippy key worker does not seem to have a clue so i dont want it to be thought of as i dont like her in fact i have asked several times for her to be my daughters key worker but told the key worker list is set and it will be reviewed blah blah

So my AIBU is should i say something to her or the manager because surely someone should of noticed and be getting her some help or support and i dont want to do nothing because my daughter came home today and was concerned as only a 3 year old can be that she has hurt herself from a cat (its what the woman had told my daughter when she asked her) and drawn her a picture to make her feel better along with several flowers from my garden to make her feel better and this is going to be awkward when we give them to the woman tomorrow

AltruisticEnigma there's a difference between showing concern for a friend or family member or someone you have a close relationship with. In that situation it would be appropriate to say something. This is a woman she barely knows that works at her childs nursery and even through she is only showing concern approaching the woman is completely inappropriate and overstepping every boundry.

Kelly Although it's more obvious you will show concern to someone you know well and who is related to you, it's not unheard of to show care to someone you barely know. If I see someone upset when I pass them in town I don't think 'oh well, nevermind' - I might not do anything, but I will care that that person is crying/hurt etc. It's just some peoples nature to worry when they see someone suffering. Well it is to me, anyway.

AltruisticEnigma have you ever self harmed? I have and I would be absolutely mortified, ashamed and humiliated if I ever had to explain my scars to a virtual stranger whether they were showing concern or otherwise. If someone is crying or upset that is a completely different situation as it's a much more public display of emotion. It's not like this woman is sitting there with a razor blade cutting herself in public is it. Self harm is not something this woman will want to discuss with a mother of a child at her nursery believe me. There is a line of privacy that everyone is entitled to and if the OP approaches this woman about this she will cross that line by a mile. It is not appropriate.

I understand that i should not say anything to her in case it makes it worse for her or it embarrass her or causes her distress

It doesnt mean i dont care in fact i cant help but think about her more and more because she has been bandaged up a lot more at work recently

Its good that you care and a much better attitude than judging which many people would do. Show your care by being nice and complimenting her on how she does her job. Any boosts to her self esteem would help her more than disgussing the topic with her directly. You sound like a nice person x

Kelly Yes I have and although yes I'd feel uncomfortable, after thinking about it I'd realise how greatful and pleasantly surprised I was that someone who didn't know me cared enough that I wasn't hurting. It's all very well when someone you know loves you looks out for you but when a stranger cares, that's one of the most beautiful things. I'm not niave, I know most people don't work that way.

But it's just a different opinion. I guess every self harmer is different, just like every domestic abuse victim or every cancer patient is different - they all want to handle things differently.

I am just glad people care. I'd rather someone cared too much, than not enough - in any case.

some years back i had a self harm problem,the same thing as this lady.I've used the cat excuse a few times when asked by children.my point is i would have never then,during my bad time,ever have hurt anybody else,especially little ones.I don't do it anymore and would have been mortified if anyone had said anything to me about it but everybody's different and the fact that you can see the marks so often and she's not hiding it,then she may well want someone to approach her to offer help.It's a tricky one but i'd have no worries about the children.I'd keep an eye on it and if she keeps "accidentally"showing recent scars then talk to her employer about getting some support for her.I dread my own daughter asking me what's wrong with my arms,even though the scars are less visible and don't like showing them.Got some time yet before I come to that bridge.Hoping she starts to feel better underneath it all.