AIBU to say something about a self harming nursery worker at my daughters nursery

[savlonqueen]

I have noticed at the nursery my daughters attend that one of the members of staff seem to be self harming not at work im sure but has the very obvious scars on her arm some of which are just healing
I have also seen more appear over the last week and a half

Bit of background info:
She is not the key worker for any of my daughters but she is one of the more bubbly members of staff who makes an effort to talk to all the parents kind of thing and she is the one who seems to get everything done especially when my daughters dippy key worker does not seem to have a clue so i dont want it to be thought of as i dont like her in fact i have asked several times for her to be my daughters key worker but told the key worker list is set and it will be reviewed blah blah

So my AIBU is should i say something to her or the manager because surely someone should of noticed and be getting her some help or support and i dont want to do nothing because my daughter came home today and was concerned as only a 3 year old can be that she has hurt herself from a cat (its what the woman had told my daughter when she asked her) and drawn her a picture to make her feel better along with several flowers from my garden to make her feel better and this is going to be awkward when we give them to the woman tomorrow

Oh so I was an abuser? Excuse me! I worked as a carer for 2 years and I can honestly say I may have been the only self 'abuser' there but I was also the only one who cared for them properly!

This will explode if you don't wind your neck in.

Self-harming is quite clearly not affecting this particular woman's capacity for doing her work well - the OP has gone to great pains to say what a brilliant nursery worker she is.

If she is self-harming she is also a liar (blaming it on the cat) another reason for her not to be trusted.

If she is self-harming she is also a liar (blaming it on the cat) another reason for her not to be trusted

Oh yeah cos it's best to be truthful with a 3yr old child and tell them she cuts herself?

OP, it fills me with joy that your post isn't what I expected when I clicked on it, i.e. outrage that a self-harmer is allowed near your children. (something like GenerationGap's post to be exact) It's lovely that you care about her and want to do something.

HOWEVER, as a former self-harmer I can tell you that I would have taken an acquaintance talking to my boss about me as being grassed up for doing something wrong, even if it wasn't meant that way. I would also be mortified if my habits had been discussed with someone I wouldn't talk to about it under my own steam (that is, anyone outside a particular group of friends where several of us did it - there was no pride in it, no sense of being encouraged to cut, but also no shame and no likelihood of anyone being shocked if I turned up to the pub in a vest top a couple of days after a heavy session) - even if the person in question had noticed, I would have preferred them to believe the marks came from a cat, broken glass in a cupboard door or similar. You don't know what her relationship with her manager is like, so it's best not to take that route.

GenerationGap what horrible, ignorant posts.
OP is there someone in RL you could get advice from?

GenerationGap, so she was supposed to tell a child that she'd too something sharp and intentionally cut herself?

Don't talk wet.

I'd better give my children up for adoptiion then. Seeing as I self-harm and tell lies

Well it's either acceptable (so out in the open) or its not! You can't have it both ways. She should be signed off work until she gets treatment and stops the abuse.

You have a very strange way of parenting if you would be happy for your child to be told the truth Generation

You may be happy for your 3yr old to come home and tell you the ins and outs of how her teacher cuts herself and why, but I certainly wouldn't.

That really would be a cause for complaint.

GenerationGap in what way exactly does self harm interfere with ones ability to care for children?

Working with children is totally different to having your own. You can't drink, take drugs or swear in front of children you work with but as a parent you can choose to do these things

who's asking to have it both ways? She probably ought to be signed off if it is affecting her work, I agree, but the OP has clearly stated she is excellent at her job and providing a positive and stable environment for the OP's DD in the middle of quite a mixed up time for the nursery

Oh my god generation gap! Words fail me.

This is the type of ignorance I was talking about!

She doesn't self harm in front of the children either AFAIK???

Maybe working and boosting her self esteem is part of her treatment.

Do you think she should hide away in a darkened room?

GG, I have no shame for doing something that only hurt myself. I gave it up because I knew it was a crap idea long-term, but for a few years it was the most effective way of dealing with the stresses I was facing. I got blindsided a couple of years ago into discussing the subject with a friend's pre-teen daughter, who casually raised that one of her school friends had started cutting. Should I have been honest and risked giving her the impression that cutting would be a fun thing to try because the older girl she looks up to has done it? No, I didn't allude to me self-harming, although I didn't deny it either. I just told her it would be a really bad idea to start, that stopping is harder than just not doing it in the first place and that she certainly shouldn't do anything daft like cut to copy a friend. Then I alerted her mother (who knows me pretty well and had at least some idea that I'd self-harmed, maybe she doesn't know the full extent as I was nearly over it by the time I met her) that she'd asked about it, just so she could be forewarned if things did escalate.

Or should people who care for children not drink or take drugs or swear (on their own time) either??

usualsuspect work was and is often a huge part of my personal treatment

and the sad thing is that what I just posted and probably this post aswell will get deleted far quicker than than that hatefull noncence you are spewing out.

No I would not want her to be caring for my child in a professional capacity at all! But if self harm is too shameful to discuss with a child why should someone be able to do it, lie about it and still be a role model, carer and promoter of self-esteem for the child?