AIBU to say something about a self harming nursery worker at my daughters nursery

[savlonqueen]

I have noticed at the nursery my daughters attend that one of the members of staff seem to be self harming not at work im sure but has the very obvious scars on her arm some of which are just healing
I have also seen more appear over the last week and a half

Bit of background info:
She is not the key worker for any of my daughters but she is one of the more bubbly members of staff who makes an effort to talk to all the parents kind of thing and she is the one who seems to get everything done especially when my daughters dippy key worker does not seem to have a clue so i dont want it to be thought of as i dont like her in fact i have asked several times for her to be my daughters key worker but told the key worker list is set and it will be reviewed blah blah

So my AIBU is should i say something to her or the manager because surely someone should of noticed and be getting her some help or support and i dont want to do nothing because my daughter came home today and was concerned as only a 3 year old can be that she has hurt herself from a cat (its what the woman had told my daughter when she asked her) and drawn her a picture to make her feel better along with several flowers from my garden to make her feel better and this is going to be awkward when we give them to the woman tomorrow

I think aswell self harming turns into an addiction. Even when people aren't feeling like the did before, it's hard to stop.

I have not read the whole thread but YABU and adding to the kind of prejudices people with mental health issues have to suffer with on a daily basis.

Self-harm is still such a taboo but a lot of people do it and it does not mean they are unfit for work.

It really is not your business and you should not be making judgments about it. Many people have health problems you can't see.

Oh and shame on you Generation Gap for your deeply offensive and shockingly ignornant posts.

I'd like to echo what yellowraincoat said, but in a slightly politer, less confrontational manner.

There's nothing you can do to "help". Some things are best left to the professionals.

Yellow, we know it's bloody difficult, ok? The OP doesn't and she's trying to understand. No need to be so confrontational.

YABU. You don't know anything about her or her life or if she is getting help already or not. If she is competent at her job that's all you should worry about. Apart from that it's none of your business.

GenerationGap I have reported your posts to mumsnet. Prejudice against anyone suffering mental health problems should not be tolerated on MN. I find your 'opinions' vile

kelly MNHQ will not delete the posts they will send you an email claiming they feel people like thisposter should be educated.

However my sweary post will get deleted.

This is what frustrates me, mnhq should install a no delelte policy and allow all posts to stand, sometimes it is better to show people like generation for what they are, I kind of agree with that, however in that case then no deletions should be made on any psots, I dont think it should be then down to mnhq what is offencive and what is not.

I think it is really good that so many people who do self harm have been prepared to contribute to this thread.

I don't see any issue at all with somebody who self harms working with children. If somebody is self harming, it doesn't mean they're not getting any support with it. Some support with this is based around people self harming safely, not about getting them to give it up, which can leave them without coping mechanisms which has negative consequences.

Thankyou for sharing that fluffydressinggown

I haven't read all, as it is a touchy subject for me. But, I have self harmed in the past, and had cat scratches. Both can look very similar. And it was the self harming marks I used to so desperately try to cover.

Even if she is desperate for someone to find them, given how good she is with the kids, I would assume she would definitely hide the marks from them at the very least. She wouldn't want them thinking she is hurt, as I never did with my younger sister and other children.

If you and children are noticing, her boss no doubt has. I would stay out of it.

It sounds like the OP doesn't know much about self harming, but why should she if she's had no experience of it before. She sounds like she's very caring and is trying to understand and is trying to think of ways to be helpful and supportive, but in a slightly clumsy way.

But surely her approach is better than blatant, ignorant condemnation, or the pointing and whispering that people do?

The OP certainly doesn't deserve to be attacked and described as a 'twat' like Yellow did.

God, I'd hate it and it would certainly put me off the nursery! You are all so public spirited! Does that make me a bad person?

I've read the rest of the posts now. I really would hate it to be honest, but I can understand it a bit more. It would worry me that her mental health issues clearly weren't being addressed, and probably worry me that her job was too stressful for her. Also, I'd hate my children to find out about self-harming. It's not something they need to know about when they are nursery age.

OP I can see your concerns and that you care but I would leave it alone tbh.

As long as she is being professional, she should be respected and left to do what is probably/maybe one of the only positive things in her life, her job.

Some of the misconceptions ignorance bigotry opinions on this thread are and very

Ravilous - lots of people who self harm are having support - the self harm can be the last thing to go! I think your concern is valid though and I think the care worker should be covering her arms and wrists at work to avoid the issue.

Yellowraincoat, I have a PD and depression and I am an adult, you certainly do not speak for me when you are so rude, I have had strangers come up to me and give me a hug or express concern for me and it was lovely to know that someone cared. Sometimes their actions were misplaced but they were well meant and no, it won't make it ok, but it won't make it worse!

OP you sound really nice and caring. I do agree there is no need to approach her about this as she is probably getting the help she wants anyway or is in the process of it (if she actually wants help - she might be quite comfortable with it as a coping mechanism) Her managers must be aware anyway and TBH if you spoke to her as well as potentially embarrassing her you could put her in an awkward position professionally as you are a client.

FWIW I make no effort to hide my scars, even when I had my interview for my job I wore a short sleeve shirt. I've not had any comments from staff or customers (and my job does sometimes include working with parents/children). I have SHed once since starting my job a year ago and I did decide not to do it on my arms because of work but that decision wouldn't be right for everyone.

Hmm, tricky one.

I don't know but actually, I think SHE is being unreasonable for putting you in this position.

I used to self harm and have loads of scars on my upper arms and legs. I would never ever let myself be in a position where the children I teach could see them though, it would be unprofessional.

She should be weearing sleeves long enough to hide them or expect to be pulled up on it imo.

I am still considering doing a PGCE one day and being a primary teacher... If I do this am I going to feel the wrath of parents if I don't cover up?

Well probably some will find it very challenging. But you have to expect that surely? It's one thing to use self-harm as a coping mechanism, its another to expect all around you to be supportive of that choice.

choice ? You think self harmers ''choose'' to do so ?

This is silly - it's like saying people ''choose'' to be depressed or to suffer from any kind of mental health issue.

^^

why not, I did? I found I could cope with other stuff much better if I self harmed. I didn't have to, I chose to.

and fuzzpig, yes, I would strongly recommend you to cover up. Many 8+ year olds are self harming themselves and it would be inappropriate and a dangerous influence for you not to cover up.

Fair enough manic although I'm not sure it's everyone case.

No, agreed, it depends on the reasons why and other existing MH conditions

Absolutely agree on that manic.