to not want to do this for my colleague?

[weasar]

Basically, a colleague of mine has arranged for her son to do work experience in our office, for an indefinite period of time.
He is in his 20s, doesn't drive this is his first 'job'
He has recently moved out and therefore wont be getting a lift in to the office with his mum, so needs to get a bus to the town where our office is. The bus doesn't stop anywhere near the office -the nearest stop would be a 40 min walk to the office.
They have discovered that the bus also stops in my village (the next village beyond the town the office is in if that makes sense!)

So she has asked me if I will give him a lift into the office everyday, and presumably drop him off there after work.

The trouble is, I really don't want to have to do this - I have to admit I'm not really keen on this guy, but mostly, it annoys me that she seems to think its my responsibility just because I live so near!

I might sound really harsh, considering it's not out of my way at all, but I just really don't like the idea of being forced into doing this when I don't want to, because there is no reason why I can't do it!
(the bus stop he will get off at is literally about 15 steps from my front door so it really is no bother for him to hop in the car with me, for a car journey less than 10 mins to work.)

My other concern is that his bus will get in at 8.45 and that is the time I usually leave for work, so if his bus is late, that means I will be late. I can't very well leave without him if the bus doesn't arrive in time, or he will be stranded there and would take him at least 2 hours to walk to the office from there!

My thoughts are that if he has chosen to move out, and taken on this job - then he (or her, as his mother) is responsible for getting himself to work, and this shouldn't fall to me just because I happen to leave near a bus stop he can get off at.

In a way, I know I am BU as there is no reason why I can't physically do this, I just don't want to. I literally have no excuses I can use!

Should I just give in and do it when I don't want to? Or does anyone have any ideas on how I can refuse to do it politely when I have no reason not to?

I don't mind doing it on the odd occasion-I would do that for any colleagues/acquaintances but I just don't want to have to do this permanently.

Sorry for the massive post!

The horses understood though.

I used to tell them all about it on our daily little chat.

I love animals people are hard work.

ToryLovell: the son chose to move out of home and live there, knowing that:

- he wasn't getting a wage
and
- he would have to get to work

YES - exactly! thats why it annoys me - it's not like circumstances have suddenly changed, this has been a planned situation where he and his mum clearly haven't thought it through!
Fireandashes you have summed it up completely I think!

Iamsherlcoked "Oh, I wish I could but I don't want to." - I would LOVE to say that, with a really straight face. Don't think I could bring myself to without laughing though then they'd know I was joking when really i am serious

Sundaegirl Well, luckily for me he said to me yesterday just before he left 'oh by the way I don't need a lift off you tomorrow as my mate is gonna give me a lift' So I have got out of it for today without having to feel guilty.

Oh, and as for the 'frape' comment, this afternoon he moaned at his mum for logging out of her Facebook page as he was going to Frape her too. this resulted in a bit of a slanging match between the two of them

Right, I am going to strike up a conversation with her in a bit on tea break about her actual expectations from me here and explain that I am not prepared to do it as a permanent thing.

Like I have said, I am usually all for doing anyone a favour and would go out of my way to help most people out if they were in need, but i do not have much sympathy for this guy really when he has chosen (and mum has supported in this) to move out on a non paying job to an area which doesn't have direct public transport and he does not drive and is obviously not prepared to walk/learn to drive/get a moped or bike.
If it was an unforeseeable case - eg he usually drove/bus and walked but had car troubles/was raining/bus was late etc etc I would be more than happy to help out on an ad hoc basis.
In fact, there is another guy in the office who relies on his Girlfriend to pick him up/drop him off and she is sometimes late due to the kids/other family stuff etc so he has to wait around for her occasionally. I offered to drop him home occasionally if his wife was busy & it meant he'd be waiting around - he was very grateful, and has taken me up on that once. But the difference is I offered that on my terms which is how it should be!
I think his mum has decided on his behalf that the solution is to catch a lift with me as I go that way anyway (sort of) and this has basically been decided before asking me, and therefore I feel it's being forced upon me which is what I find most annoying!

Will report back after the conversation...wish me luck she's a bit of a dragon!

Sorry to come late to this but surely it is NOT a permanent t thing? Hes not going to want to work for nothing forever is he? It will only be a couple of months at the very most I would have thought.

girlpancake Yes you are right I suppose, he won't be staying forever unpaid - but there is a good chance he will be taken on permanently (and paid) so this situation could end up being permanent. But even if he doesn't get taken on, it's a case of me agreeing to it means I have to do it until they/he says otherwise which is why I don't want to do it!

" 'frape' is a facebook term that is used by young people to 'poke' or send messages to strangers on someone elses logged in FB account.

It may be a term other people (i.e the majority of MNners it seems!) like but it is teen speek.
It doesn't mean he wants to have forced sexual intercourse or such like with her."

Frape is short for the term Facebook Rape and I don't think the majority of MNers do like it, although they might be using it here because it's what he said he would do to the OP. The intention of 'Fraping' someone is usually to humiliate them with an embarrassing and status or offensive message to someone else on their friends list. It's a ridiculous and horrible thing for a 20 year old to want to do to anybody and really a vile term for anyone to use.

OP please don't feel that you have to do this even as a temporary measure. It could easily become expected of you and it will be more difficult to stop after a week or two because they will be able to argue that you have been doing it so far and why would a few more weeks matter to you now?

If he lives in the next village to his mother he can easily catch the bus, cycle or walk to her house or she can go and fetch him. He's a grown man and he has plenty of other options for getting to work, including what is a fairly short walk of 30 minutes from the bus stop.

I used to give a regular lift to a junior colleague on a Friday afternoon because we finished work at the same time. He lived in the opposite direction to me and it added about half an hour onto my journey time.

But the difference is I offered to do so. I wasn't asked, he didn't expect it to be a regular thing and I liked him so I didn't mind.

Embarrassing status, not embarrassing and status.

I can't believe all the posters saying it's no big deal and why won't you. I used to car-share before I had children. We worked in the same office and she lived just up the road from me. We'd go in my car one week then hers the next. It seemed like a good idea but we gave it up by mutual agreement after about a month.

Having to stop somewhere on the way home was a PITA. I either had someone waiting in my car or else I was waiting for her. If either of us was held up at work we both were. You don't realise how much it restricts you until you do it.

As a one-off or emergency then fine, give him a lift. But not 5 days a week there and back. It's not even as if he's a friend and you'll have plenty to talk about. I can't see why he can't bus/ walk/ cycle to his mums and go with her.

"The reason his mum can't pick him up etc etc is as follows:
Try to imagine the locations as follows, running west to east:

His house--her house-my village-town--office."

So his house is further away from the office than hers, meaning she would have to go west to come back east on herself to bring him to work.
Essentially, she can't because it's out of her way, but because it's on my way she thinks there shouldn't be a problem.

So it's not really that she can't. It's that she won't.

" Well, luckily for me he said to me yesterday just before he left 'oh by the way I don't need a lift off you tomorrow as my mate is gonna give me a lift' So I have got out of it for today without having to feel guilty."

so in his mind it would seem, you giving him a lift is a done deal? Fuck that for a game of soldiers! That comment alone would make me tell them both to eff off "No".

Could you not say you'd do it for a week or two and then he will have to make his own arrangements. And you don't want to be tied down as you will be going to the gym, jogging to work or other and then doing something after work on most days.

OP, for goodness sake Woman Up like I do in my head after the event! When he said he didn't need a lift, you needed to jump in and say, 'Good, as I'm sure you realise I can only offer to do it occasionally.'

Now get on the phone to the GP and book some really embarrassing medical appointments for 9 am and 5 pm every day for the next week and tell him about them in detail when he's in your car.

What's happened about this-have you told him you're not prepared to do this on a daily basis yet or are they still unaware how you feel about it?

Did you have the talk, OP? How did they take it?

Am i the only one who thinks a 40 min walk isn't a big deal and that he should walk his arse to work!? He's a fully grown man!

You are not the only one, no.

Phew

I used to commute into London which took about an hour and a half and then do a walk like that. The walk was fine, it was standing up on the tube for all that time that was tiring. I wouldn't want to do it now just because id get home so late to see my children but a young man doing his first job shouldn't be such a fanny about how gets to work and deal with it. His mum should cut the apron strings a bit as well!