to not want to do this for my colleague?

[weasar]

Basically, a colleague of mine has arranged for her son to do work experience in our office, for an indefinite period of time.
He is in his 20s, doesn't drive this is his first 'job'
He has recently moved out and therefore wont be getting a lift in to the office with his mum, so needs to get a bus to the town where our office is. The bus doesn't stop anywhere near the office -the nearest stop would be a 40 min walk to the office.
They have discovered that the bus also stops in my village (the next village beyond the town the office is in if that makes sense!)

So she has asked me if I will give him a lift into the office everyday, and presumably drop him off there after work.

The trouble is, I really don't want to have to do this - I have to admit I'm not really keen on this guy, but mostly, it annoys me that she seems to think its my responsibility just because I live so near!

I might sound really harsh, considering it's not out of my way at all, but I just really don't like the idea of being forced into doing this when I don't want to, because there is no reason why I can't do it!
(the bus stop he will get off at is literally about 15 steps from my front door so it really is no bother for him to hop in the car with me, for a car journey less than 10 mins to work.)

My other concern is that his bus will get in at 8.45 and that is the time I usually leave for work, so if his bus is late, that means I will be late. I can't very well leave without him if the bus doesn't arrive in time, or he will be stranded there and would take him at least 2 hours to walk to the office from there!

My thoughts are that if he has chosen to move out, and taken on this job - then he (or her, as his mother) is responsible for getting himself to work, and this shouldn't fall to me just because I happen to leave near a bus stop he can get off at.

In a way, I know I am BU as there is no reason why I can't physically do this, I just don't want to. I literally have no excuses I can use!

Should I just give in and do it when I don't want to? Or does anyone have any ideas on how I can refuse to do it politely when I have no reason not to?

I don't mind doing it on the odd occasion-I would do that for any colleagues/acquaintances but I just don't want to have to do this permanently.

Sorry for the massive post!

YANBU I think your colleague is rude. Stick to politely and firmly saying no for the reasons you've described. Do not feel guilty. It is not your responsibility. If she were a friend it would be kind to say you'd give ad hoc lifts as and when it's convenient for you, mainly in the evening so you wouldn't have to coordinate with his bus arriving. She doesn't sound like a friend and it does sound like the kind of thing that would get to be an obligation.

A young man on a bike should be able to make the cover the distance you're talking about in reasonable commuting time.

What were his plans before he knew he could mooch lifts off you?

PMSL at 'you lot should read the random acts of kindness thread'. Random - made, done, happening or chosen without method or conscious decision. That is not what is being asked of the OP here.

If we were talking about a teenager too young to drive, desperate to get established in a job, then my attitude would be different. But this is a grown man in his 20s. He needs to start taking some responsibility for his own life. Why is his mum still getting involved in where he works and how he gets there, for heaven's sake? If he's not prepared to or can't afford to learn to drive, why is he incapable of sorting out his own commuting arrangements?

All those saying that we are being mean, you do know that it was his choice to move out of home and he could have stayed with his Mum who would have given him a lift every day, don't you?

I would find this a pretty big ask and feel used.

Having said that, I might well have offered to do something like this (but not every day, maybe say mornings only or something and asked for petrol money)

It is really about feeling you've been asked a favour innappropriate to the level of aquaintance.

Come back to her with what you can do
'About your son, I would be very happy to give him a lift on xxx days, but I am afraid a can't do it on the other days.'
you do not have to give a reason, just nicely offer what you are prepared to do.

Yes l agree and his own mother is certainly not coming up with the goods in the 'random acts of kindness' dept. is she? - only by proxy through OP ! She could pick him up at that bus stop and drive him back to it if she put herself out a bit.

Anyway a random act of kindness l always thought goes something like this :

Cheeky Colleague: 'Oh my poor son has to walk miles from the nearest bus stop to work and back every day, the bus only goes as far as your village'

OP: 'Ah that's a shame, tell you what, l'll give him a lift if l see him and a lift home providing l'm not detouring somewhere'

This is nothing like that - it has been all 'decided',shifts altered,the lot, by the colleague. The OP has been given no opportunity to volunteer.

If he still lived at home he would be being berated for that too.

A woman who brough me home from work for 2 years, having to drive past her own house to do so. I was 21 at the time

I went 15 minutes out if my way to pick up and drop off a girl from work for 3 years. She was in her 20s at the time.

Why? Because it didnt cost me anything and I was going there anyway. What has age got to do with it?

If I wasnt going straight home I let them know and they sorted something else out.

Mine was to Torys post btw. Slow typist me.

So we have here a man in his 20s, who has made no discernible effort to find a job for himself, or to learn to drive to make himself more employable, who is still making no effort no find a job for himself but is letting his mum organise his employment and transport for him, and some people on here feel the OP should rearrange her commitments within the busy life she has created with her own efforts to allow him to continue coasting through life with minimal effort expecting everyone else to organise him and make life as easy as possible for him? WTAF??

If the OP said "I'm sorry, I can't be arsed" (which obviously she wouldn't as she seems far too nice and polite) then that, IMO, would be karma in action. You get out what you put in - and he has put in sweet FA.

He needs to man up and take responsibilty for his own work and travel arrangements. If you are on holiday or sick then he is going to have to get there on his own steam anyway. I work with 18 year olds who catch buses and have to walk a fair distance to and from work - never hear them moan about it.

Is tricky one, and not nice to be put in this situation.

Have you considered doing the lifts on your terms. Like steppemum says doing it on certain days but not others. Also specifying a time - you leave at xxx time every morning and need him to be there by that time. Ie if bus running late he will have to stay on it for entire journey. You want to leave at xxx time in evening - if he's not there, no lift. You can call all the shots.

Though YANBU if you say outright that you dont want to, as it seems like a big ask.

Yes exactly Fire I agree his mum is enabling him to have this attitude too. Also l wouldnt particularly relish some male colleague who had made the creepy 'frape' comment standing in my hallway or sat in my kitchen of a morning either. Rest assured that would be the next expectation of OP - if his bus arrives early or he gets an earlier bus she is hardly going to tell him to stand by her car or on her doorstep in the pouring rain is she !

Oh and Ibby your post has made me think of another problem with this 'arrangement'.
If young man gets off at OPs house - if l am understanding correctly - he is leaving himself further to walk if OP has gone or has rang in sick or whatever. So he would need to know every day in advance of reaching that bus stop whether he is getting a lift or if not he will have to stay on the bus.
So OP is going to feel even more obliged to wait for that late bus or have to contact him very early if she is sick/problem at home whatever otherwise he will be getting off the bus unecessarily far away from work.

Talk about a mountain out of a mole hill.
How the hell did I manage giving some one a lift from Nelson to Warrington for years.
OR the bloke that picked my sister up from our housing estate to the Shell refinary near Ince every work day for just over 6 years. Just had an agreement that if either couldn't make it they would text and let each other know.

Good job my sister didn't post about her lift on MN. She would have been described as pathetic, useless, a user, lazy etc!!

All these assuptions that are made about a chap who is doing work expierence!
The poor bugger isn't even getting paid to go there and you lot are thinking of ways for the OP to come up with excuses to make it that little bit harder for him. Why not give a lift and on the days she can't say I can't give you a lift back tonight. Or ' I'm doing something on Thursday so won't be able to drop you off then.

Honestly, when you read the thread it's like a load of miserable witches that are cackling together.

In the first post the OP has presumed the lad wants a lift home as well. That hasn't been asked for!
I understand her concern about the bus being late but again all that has to be said is that she can't run the risk of being late so will have to go if there is no sight of the bus.

The biggst laugh of the thread was the one imagining what the boss would think. I pissed my self at that!! Hilarious!

iknnowwho this "lad" said he wanted to frape the OP.

I'd be telling the boss and getting him turfed out of his job.

It became another drip feed post then because the OP doesn't mention the Frape thing until 4 posts in.

That should have been the first reason why she felt uncomfortable about the lift.

I personally think you should do it, if you have an empty car what is the big deal.

If it is really awkward then you can make some excuse to stop, but who knows you might even enjoy his company. He might be a laugh and you'll be meeting someone new and different.

Who know he might buy a car himself within a few weeks and it might be a short lived experience.

I personally think you can't say no in these circumstances, and often it is good for people's personal development to put themselves out. Helping others brings certain rewards.

I'ld give him the lift.

What's frape - Toddles off to reread.

YADNBU.

You don't like him. That in itself is a good enough reason to say no.

All those saying OP and the rest of us YANBUs are mean - would you do this for someone you didn't like? - Especially if their mum worked in the same place?

A bus ride and a 40min walk is not a big deal FFS!

(Many of us have done that and more).

Do a 'that doesn't work for me' or just plain 'no'.
Its not a random act of kindness if it is foisted on you unwillingly! And it does not make you an evil cow for not wanting to help out.

'frape' is a facebook term that is used by young people to 'poke' or send messages to strangers on someone elses logged in FB account.

It may be a term other people (i.e the majority of MNners it seems!) like but it is teen speek.
It doesn't mean he wants to have forced sexual intercourse or such like with her.

Yes ok l accept that iknowwho and l know even an old dinasour like me it wasnt meant as a threat to rape her.

But l dont know - it is still a jokey reference to it and l would still find it creepy l'm afraid and feel uncomfortable in that word and doing something to me being put in the same sentence iyswim.

"The biggst laugh of the thread was the one imagining what the boss would think. I pissed my self at that!! Hilarious!"
I presume you are meaning me, iknowwho? So glad to have been of service.

I believe I was responding to the OP's post, immediately preceding mine, where she said "IIRC she said the arrangement was that if he does really well with sales/impresses boss with general attitude/performance etc. that he will probably be taken on permanently."
To which I think my response of "Just how impressed will the boss be by a 20-something who can't make his own way in to work?" is fair comment.

Still, it must be nice to be easily amused.

OP, how was this morning?

I feel your pain. I had this the other way around once.

I walked about 30 mins to and from work and I loved it. Even in the rain.

A colleague who drove to work lived really near me just couldn't understand this. She would forever be offering me lifts or stopping when she saw me walking. And she always seemed offended when I said I wanted to walk. It was awful.

She must have thought I was so ungrateful to keep refusing but that walk was my time and I didn't want to listen to her moan about everyone else in the office for 10 mins at the start and end of every day.

A 40 minute walk really isn't much. I do 25 mins (when it is not raining) each way now rather than sit on a smelly crowded bus. At university, I used to walk 2 miles (apprix 40 mins) each way every day so I could save the bus fare and spend it on cheap booze .

I can't believe people on this thread are even discussing whether it is "doable" for an able-bodied young man to walk for 40 minutes. Is this really what we have come to?

Quote Lizzie Bennet from P&P at his mum: "Walking is very beneficial exercise".

Yes Nodepositl have had similiar when l had a stressful job l used to love the 30 mins walk home (never walked to work because of time pressure etc). But l had no commitments to getting home at a certain time so would use the walk to relax and wind down. Semi rural area - could even stop for a little fuss over some horses that would come to the fence when they saw me approaching nothing to do with the apple in my pocket left over from lunch. It was lovely, plus kept me fit, weight down etc etc.
Well one chap spotted me unfortunately one day and offered me a lift and l refused and he then made it his mission to get me to accept - just wouldnt accept that l wanted to do it and it wasnt for financial reasons or whatever.
He got increasingly perplexed at my refusals and got quite huffy about it in the end and defensive accusing me to anyone who would listen of thinking he was a pervert and that's why l wouldnt accept a lift.
I even got told by one colleague that I was 'up' myself and what a nice man my would be chauffer was.

I can see the ironic funny side now though - as in l started to walk home to relieve the stresses of the workplace and it caused me a whole heap more.