To email the school re a man at the bus stop???

[JumpingThroughHoops]

Well I have emailed, so no AIBU about it really

Yesterday (Friday) 20 mins after primary school ended I saw a man at the bus stop outside the school. The bus stop usually has a large amount of teenaged girls waiting from the secondary opposite.

He was by himself indicating a bus had just been; there were no other adults or children around.

BUT. Earlier that morning the same man was at the primary sports day. He wasn't with a lady (for that read wife or partner), no reason why he should have been really, he might have been a single dad. BUT. He was chatting with another father, or rather he was listening as the other father waxed lyrical, pointing out his children and all their little friends, getting them to wave over.

Two months previous, I was on a train and he sat opposite me, with a French lady with two small girls (maybe 3 and 5). I assumed they were together, he knew their names. He carried their suitcase. I assumed the stilted conversation was because the lady didn't have English as a first language. I also assumed they were together because he was teasing one of the girls until she screamed in frustration. He was also asking lots of questions, but not in an obvious way, such as "when do you go home?" What are you doing tomorrow?" "is your Dad missing you?" - which of course I was oblivious to on the train because it was general chit chat.

See him at sports day and think it's that annoying wind up merchant again "oh, I didn't know there were little French girls at this school". There aren't any little French girls at the school and they were too young to be in the KS3 sports day anyway.

See him at the bus stop and think "hang on a min" gut instinct kicks in, something just isn't right here.

So I've emailed school with a full description, a set of circumstances and no accusations, because he wasn't actually doing anything suspiciously.

*disclaimer, I don't see a paedophile behind every tree, but I am a believer in gut instinct. I don't know why the red flags shot up when I saw him again. Probably because he was a bit of charmer, again not in an obvious way, he was just very good at ferreting out information from people.

Probably an entirely coincidental set of innocent circumstances and he is a listener rather than a talker.

Would you have emailed the school?

Oh dear lord no I would NOT!!

How odd? I suppose if you think he's turned up to a school event and isn't a parent, that could be classed as very strange behaviour.

Most of this post confused me as there was so many different parts to it it. I think if you have a gut instinct about something like this there is no harm in taking some action.

Gut instinct? What's it telling you exactly?

Which school did you email?

YANBU, it is odd to go to a sports day if he isn't a parent.

It was pure gut instinct.

If the train thing had never happened - I'd have thought nothing of it.

Which school did you email?

The primary. His previous interest had been in the French lady with daughters, then he is at a primary sports day.

I can't even tell you why the flags went up.

Nope.

I dont understand this at all.

So you have seen a man 3 times and for reasons which seem to amount to he hasn't talked enough for you to earwig any of his personal details, you emailed the school?!

Absolutely unbelievable. " no accusations because he wasn't do anything suspicious" too bloody right!

you don't know he isn't a parent though - or an uncle or cousin - you are putting 2+2 together and getting 7 I think - but it's moot as you have done it now!

So you saw a man (who may have been a father to one of the kids there) who you've also seen talking to other people with kids, and you thought he was a paedophile? It didn't occur to you that he was probably a father and therefore liked to talk about children due to them being an important part of his life? Would you have assumed the worst if you'd seen a woman doing the same things?

Oh, hang on, my reply is unclear. by 'nope' I mean 'no I wouldn't have'

YABU.

Maybe he was a father? Divorced? I feel sorry for men... I really do

YABU.

No, all valid points, but grooming can take an awfully long time to come to fruition.

I think it was the fact there was no reciprocal conversation from him .... no there's my son/daughter/niece/nephew/I've come with my GF (or BF even) ... it was all "where is your son? oh who is that with him?" sort of conversation.

I sound quite unhinged don't I?

God I hope you never run into my husband! He's about to start work at a school, and has done work with local playgroups, so sometimes he (shock horror) talks to the children if he sees them about! He also talks to other parents we know! Should I warn him not to in case some busybody assumes the worst?

YANBU because if he is someone who is a danger to children you have flagged it up and if he is innocent then no harm done.

We have had a couple of texts about a flasher near the school my children are at. You can't be too careful sometimes.

Yes. Seriously, you do.

"I think it was the fact there was no reciprocal conversation from him .... no there's my son/daughter/niece/nephew/I've come with my GF (or BF even)"

I've always been taught that it is far politer to ask about other people and their family/interests than bring up info about yourself without being asked. Did anyone ask him about whether he had kids (while you were being nosy)?

I think there are lots of ways to explain this away, but I also have had the experience of watching a man, on only one occasion, behave suspiciously, and fell very strongly he was up to something - in his case he spent a lot of time walking around a playground, talking to various women, looking like he was setting up a situation where he looked like a father. He then went over to some children who were away from the group, and I believe he would have flashed them if he had not seen me.

The quality of conversation is no indicator.... You were eavesdropping! Did your mother never tell you to listen in on others? This is what happens.....

I think you did the right thing. It does seem odd and even if he is innocent, you still did the right thing.