To email the school re a man at the bus stop???

[JumpingThroughHoops]

Well I have emailed, so no AIBU about it really

Yesterday (Friday) 20 mins after primary school ended I saw a man at the bus stop outside the school. The bus stop usually has a large amount of teenaged girls waiting from the secondary opposite.

He was by himself indicating a bus had just been; there were no other adults or children around.

BUT. Earlier that morning the same man was at the primary sports day. He wasn't with a lady (for that read wife or partner), no reason why he should have been really, he might have been a single dad. BUT. He was chatting with another father, or rather he was listening as the other father waxed lyrical, pointing out his children and all their little friends, getting them to wave over.

Two months previous, I was on a train and he sat opposite me, with a French lady with two small girls (maybe 3 and 5). I assumed they were together, he knew their names. He carried their suitcase. I assumed the stilted conversation was because the lady didn't have English as a first language. I also assumed they were together because he was teasing one of the girls until she screamed in frustration. He was also asking lots of questions, but not in an obvious way, such as "when do you go home?" What are you doing tomorrow?" "is your Dad missing you?" - which of course I was oblivious to on the train because it was general chit chat.

See him at sports day and think it's that annoying wind up merchant again "oh, I didn't know there were little French girls at this school". There aren't any little French girls at the school and they were too young to be in the KS3 sports day anyway.

See him at the bus stop and think "hang on a min" gut instinct kicks in, something just isn't right here.

So I've emailed school with a full description, a set of circumstances and no accusations, because he wasn't actually doing anything suspiciously.

*disclaimer, I don't see a paedophile behind every tree, but I am a believer in gut instinct. I don't know why the red flags shot up when I saw him again. Probably because he was a bit of charmer, again not in an obvious way, he was just very good at ferreting out information from people.

Probably an entirely coincidental set of innocent circumstances and he is a listener rather than a talker.

Would you have emailed the school?

there was a repitition of a guy hanging around the lane that runs along by our local schools...it's a public throughway for ppl....this guy kept appearing in the mornings, break times and ( it's easy to look into the playground from parts of this lane) and after school....

so the subject comes up in the playground amongst some of the parents (who walk this way daily) have noticed this guy....so we take the decision to make the 2 schools aware of this...he's done nothing, not spoken to anyone,....he's just there and it's been noticed...

Police set themselves up at both ends of the lane....spot the guy...he can't escape being detained and questioned....turns out he was a registered paedophile with previous convictions...

he was just there walking up and down the lane and it was noticed....parents then reported...and thank goodness we did.....

I'm sorry but I'd go with your gut and tell someone...just sharing this info you may find that you are not alone with your thoughts and questions about this...

If I were given to neurosis and paranoia, I would have gone and grabbed a TA and asked who he was.

I can't tell you why my alarm bells started ringing. They just are. And a lot of you are right. There is no rational explanation for it.

YANBU
I'm going to tell you a little story and I promise it's all true.
A couple of years ago we moved to out new house, part of a 40 new houses small development. There are some HA houses and some expensive 5 beds. There are very different types of people living here but I never looked at anyone suspiciously until I spoke to a man, a single dad who would let his 2 year old wander around unsupervised. The poor thing got lost and was crying. I saw him and took him home but he cried even more because he didn't know me and didn't trust him. I explained that the little boy had got lost and was crying and I was trying to help but he got even more scared. There was something creepy about the man when he said "yeah he tends not to like women".
Everytime i saw him I shivered, I can't explain it. One day I heard on the radio that I could apply to know if someone close to my children had a criminal past to do with sexual offences. My children were aged 6 and 4 and they often played outside in front of his house. I made the application and next thing I know, a police woman ones to my house to tell me that the man was a dangerous individual and he was being investigated for a sexual offence involving a child.
Fast forward 5 years, he's now in jail for the next 10 years at least. I don't know exactly what he's done but I do know that it involved a girl next door to us.
Everyone was telling me I was BU to be suspicious. I just trusted my gut instinct.

What are you expecting the school to do?

Well I'm with the OP on this. I used to run a pub and the company sent us on a security seminar. The trainer chappie advised us to listen carefully to our gut instincts as we can channel behavioural indicators subconciously which then promts our response to be careful without knowing the logic that brought us to this point. So if it smells fishy, it may be a fish.

My gut instinct sometimes tell me sainsburys are going to run out of strawberries.....or that it's going to rain....

Gut instinct my arse!

If I really was concerned, I'd be more likely to contact the Community police.

So why didn't you inform both schools op?? He was hanging round 2...

What did I email the school?

Dear Mrs Office Lady

I might be putting two and two together and coming up with five, but this didn't sit well with me.

At 3.40 on Friday evening, I saw a gentleman at the bus stop by the roundabout on XXXXX Road. There was no one else, so a bus had obviously just been as there were no XXXXXX girls waiting as they usually would be.

That in it's self isn't strange BUT he was at sports day, talking to a (male) parent. The conversation was very one way with the parent pointing out his child and the conversation wasn't going to and forth; it was the parent doing all the talking (I can go with parental pride and wanting to talk to a willing audience) and the gentleman listening and asking further questions about other children in the vicinity.

Again that isn't a set of strange circumstances except I saw the same man again on a train a few weeks back. He was with a French woman with two young girls (maybe 3 and 5). At the time I put the conversation they were having down to English not being the ladys first language. Retrospectively, I think maybe he had just met her, he was asking lots of questions and teasing the girls to the point he made one cry. He was asking where they were going tomorrow, what time, when they were going back to France, was Daddy missing them etc. They got off at different stops (she at XXXX) and he made comment about having to get a bus to XXXXX, so they weren't acting as a couple.

I really wouldn't have paid any attention and assumed he was another parent/uncle etc on sports day if he hadn't been at the bus stop, by himself. As I say, a bus had clearly been and gone, there were no other pedestrians.

I just find it very odd that you have the same man outside a school, where he has just attended sports day, unaccompanied by children or another friend/relative with children.

I would point out I'm not the sort to see a paedophile behind every tree, but my alarm bells just started ringing. I really cannot rationalise it either.

I suppose a description would be helpful!

description follows<

Probably totally innocent and he wasn't actually doing anything suspicious. However I thought I should mention it in case there have been other reports in the area.

You have put forward a strong counter argument Anyonefor tennis, but I still remain on the side of the OP.

Oh, god, don't suggest that she contacts the community police. They'll pop round and have a word with him, the op will mention something to someone in the local shop, somebody else will see him talking to the police, the school secretary will tell her neighbour, and before anyone can blink the poor sod will be labelled the neighbourhood pedophile.

I can't tell you the damage that people's "feelings" can do!

The train thing means nothing. He could have been a colleague, a friend, an uncle...

The bus stop means nothing. I'm often at a bus stop used by school children.

You should have approached him at the sports day, said "Glad it's not raining. Which child are you here to see?". Let him know he'd pinged your paedo radar, or found out he had a valid reason to be there.

Emailing the school seems a pointless thing to do. Contact the police if you're convinced he was up to no good.

I don't understand why you think it was strange he didn't have a child with him. Surely he could have been a non resident parent attending sports day to watch his child participate and then going home alone? Surely?

Or not a parent, a teaching assistant or anyone else.

OP i think yanbu, gut instinct is there for a reason and its better for the school to be aware just incase they do get any more mentions from anyone else or just incase he does come hanging round again. If he doesnt have dc in the school I dont understand what he was doing in the sports day??

Well a true gut instinct would be to inform ALL schools in vicinity as well as local police...,, as you say it was just in case there had been other reports

seeker - no, I'm not suggesting she does, but if I did, then that's what I'd do.

You sound pretty self-aware and sensible to me. Personally I'm grateful for the fact that people are concerned enough to try and highlight potential issues. The OP isn't setting up a lynch mob, she's alerting the school just in case any other mentions are made. In a community I would prefer this kind of awareness than lots of people saying "Don't be so paranoid, it's probably nothing."

And that not being the case.

Yanbu and u don't sound unhinged IMO, I would have done the same thing! Gut instinct can be a powerful thing and his behaviour does sound odd, besides if he is an innocent man who likes to hang around school sports days coz that's obviously what all normal people without kids do he'll never know about the email and no harm done! Stop worrying, u did the right thing.

Schools will cascade the information anyway - unless of course, as pointed put he is the new TA! (in which case he was useless at his job, there were kids all over the place )

Considering the slight changes you have already made in your OP to the version you emailed the school it is very easy to see where nasty rumours come from.

Perhaps he just missed the bus and was standing there having watched it disappear thinking crap I have to wait now. It happens all the time. Quite sad that a man can stand alone waiting for a bus and be thought of as a creepy git with nothing else known about him.

Do you not think that if you were on a train and a strange man started to make your child cry you would sit there and let him or let him carry your bags, or not move away and sit elsewhere away from the nasty man? You certainly wouldn't sit there and carry on a conversation and then let him carry your bags would you?

Did you see the start of the conversation with another man! Did you see the end of the conversation?

There is a lot of assuming and thinking in your opinion.

I am amazed. One of the teachers would have realised he had no connection with the school and asked him. The whole thing about the train and bus stop - not at all relevant.

And also, gut instinct. So tell me, does it TELL you what it is it's picking up on?? You seem to think his motives were to groom primary aged girls ( tho you did say 'single mothers' earlier)This here 'instinct' of yours tells you this? It doesn't tell you anything else?

Don't tell her to contact the police.