To email the school re a man at the bus stop???

[JumpingThroughHoops]

Well I have emailed, so no AIBU about it really

Yesterday (Friday) 20 mins after primary school ended I saw a man at the bus stop outside the school. The bus stop usually has a large amount of teenaged girls waiting from the secondary opposite.

He was by himself indicating a bus had just been; there were no other adults or children around.

BUT. Earlier that morning the same man was at the primary sports day. He wasn't with a lady (for that read wife or partner), no reason why he should have been really, he might have been a single dad. BUT. He was chatting with another father, or rather he was listening as the other father waxed lyrical, pointing out his children and all their little friends, getting them to wave over.

Two months previous, I was on a train and he sat opposite me, with a French lady with two small girls (maybe 3 and 5). I assumed they were together, he knew their names. He carried their suitcase. I assumed the stilted conversation was because the lady didn't have English as a first language. I also assumed they were together because he was teasing one of the girls until she screamed in frustration. He was also asking lots of questions, but not in an obvious way, such as "when do you go home?" What are you doing tomorrow?" "is your Dad missing you?" - which of course I was oblivious to on the train because it was general chit chat.

See him at sports day and think it's that annoying wind up merchant again "oh, I didn't know there were little French girls at this school". There aren't any little French girls at the school and they were too young to be in the KS3 sports day anyway.

See him at the bus stop and think "hang on a min" gut instinct kicks in, something just isn't right here.

So I've emailed school with a full description, a set of circumstances and no accusations, because he wasn't actually doing anything suspiciously.

*disclaimer, I don't see a paedophile behind every tree, but I am a believer in gut instinct. I don't know why the red flags shot up when I saw him again. Probably because he was a bit of charmer, again not in an obvious way, he was just very good at ferreting out information from people.

Probably an entirely coincidental set of innocent circumstances and he is a listener rather than a talker.

Would you have emailed the school?

I'm really not paranoid, I can assure you.

The one thing I hate about mumsnet is the delusional and paranoid accusations thrown around here. Not just on this thread.

Arm chair psychiatrist get on my wick!

Emmieging, thanks for the explanation. Just when you posted you seemed to do so totally out of context.

I still believe some of you are fooling yourselves with the "I've never had a nasty thought, oh not me" thing. I believe that's called, lying to yourself. But anyhoo...

Well you're reading my mind wrong, so your superior ability to pick up signals is failing you on that score. i really don't go round wishing nasty things would happen to people and i don't for a minute believe everybody else on here does either

Your behaviour in this thread is paranoid.

I'm certainly NOT saying you have a paranoia disorder.

Boy are you facetious! I'm not reading your mind. I'm saying what I believe to be true about EVERYONE, not just you.

Well, if you believe the cues one learns in life is paranoia lurking you must be right. Because that is my stand point.

I give up.

Head meet desk

This thread has made me really sad. Mostly sad for the very poor view so many people seem to have of humanity.

I think it is a really sad and damaging thing when a man waiting at a bus stop in the vicinity of a primary school is deemed to be 'suspicious'. I do not think that reporting someone on that basis is a good or moral act. And I definitely don't believe that if you are innocent you have nothing to hide or fear.

A culture of constant vigilance and suspicion isn't a healthy one, and I don't think it actually serves children well.

On paranoia and abuse: my father was abused when he was a child. Not sexually, but he was struck, locked in a cupboard, and later bullied horrifically at school (beatings, death threats).

As a result (?), he sees the worst in everyone. He sometimes does pick up on suspicious motives I wouldn't, but he also reads many totally innocent situations wrongly. He also thinks that people who are just blundering about their daily business or a being a bit annoying/ inept are actually trying to threaten or harm him. He lives his whole life in an adrenaline-fuelled battle making sure that no one ever 'fucks with him' or 'gets one over on him'.

So yeah, he probably has avoided some nasty situations that another person might not. But he pays for that with a lifetime of angst, unwearying watchfulness, and constant fight or flight responses to completely innocent things.

I am not making a personal comment about any poster by saying that, but what I will say is that living with that attitude for 18 years made me determined not to repeat it, because I think the harm caused by constant suspicion of others far outweighs the benefits.

WTF Damsel? I think you need to go and lie down in a dark room

Mabe read back at Pendeens posts first before you comment FTSU?

How do I hide this crap?

Damsel no one is taunting you for your abuse. You REALLY need to calm down. Accusing people of that sort of thing is appalling.

You could push eth button called "hide this thread"

chortle @ Seeker

Yanbu OP. Well done for reporting it.

Oh, god, please let's not start again........!

Pendeen took a single comment from an earlier post by Damsel and used it out of context to goad her with. If you look back, you'll see it. Put back into context, it referred to Damsel's experience of abuse.

Posters on both side of the discussion were shocked.

It was shocking, what Pendeen did, though I do disagree with damsel's opinion on the OP.

YABU. What weird world are you living in where man = danger? It's a sad fact that quite often a lot of non-res dads get very little opportunity to go to their kids school, so when they turn up they are an "unknown". And (shock horror) they do try to talk to other parents that do have kids, in the same way that you do as a mum to other mums.

AIBU in wondering why you fear men so much?

mykidsrock

YADNBU!!!

I've been challenged at new schools when picking up children. I would expect to be challenged and my reason for being there is explained easily enough.I wear a badge now so people know why I'm there.
My husband was not challenged at a private school near us. They've recently tightened up dramatically on their procedures after a security scare, so I think they would be more careful these days.

"... Pendeen took a single comment from an earlier post by Damsel and used it out of context to goad her with. ..."

Nothing of the sort.

Simply asked if she actually believed her rather outrageous statement.