To email the school re a man at the bus stop???

[JumpingThroughHoops]

Well I have emailed, so no AIBU about it really

Yesterday (Friday) 20 mins after primary school ended I saw a man at the bus stop outside the school. The bus stop usually has a large amount of teenaged girls waiting from the secondary opposite.

He was by himself indicating a bus had just been; there were no other adults or children around.

BUT. Earlier that morning the same man was at the primary sports day. He wasn't with a lady (for that read wife or partner), no reason why he should have been really, he might have been a single dad. BUT. He was chatting with another father, or rather he was listening as the other father waxed lyrical, pointing out his children and all their little friends, getting them to wave over.

Two months previous, I was on a train and he sat opposite me, with a French lady with two small girls (maybe 3 and 5). I assumed they were together, he knew their names. He carried their suitcase. I assumed the stilted conversation was because the lady didn't have English as a first language. I also assumed they were together because he was teasing one of the girls until she screamed in frustration. He was also asking lots of questions, but not in an obvious way, such as "when do you go home?" What are you doing tomorrow?" "is your Dad missing you?" - which of course I was oblivious to on the train because it was general chit chat.

See him at sports day and think it's that annoying wind up merchant again "oh, I didn't know there were little French girls at this school". There aren't any little French girls at the school and they were too young to be in the KS3 sports day anyway.

See him at the bus stop and think "hang on a min" gut instinct kicks in, something just isn't right here.

So I've emailed school with a full description, a set of circumstances and no accusations, because he wasn't actually doing anything suspiciously.

*disclaimer, I don't see a paedophile behind every tree, but I am a believer in gut instinct. I don't know why the red flags shot up when I saw him again. Probably because he was a bit of charmer, again not in an obvious way, he was just very good at ferreting out information from people.

Probably an entirely coincidental set of innocent circumstances and he is a listener rather than a talker.

Would you have emailed the school?

But he's NOT a FLASHER.

My DP doesn't talk much. He's rubbish at small talk in fact. I should probably phone SS.

he hasn't talked enough for you to earwig any of his personal details, you emailed the school?!

Actually, I've stood next to him for an hour yesterday morning and learned nothing about him, and I sat opposite him for 40 mins on a train where I know everything about the French people holiday - but nothing about him again.

I never said or thought he was a paedophile, or implied it - he might groom vunerable women and move in on them.

" he knew they're names, he carried their suitcase" how do you know he isn't a family friend, or they were visiting his wife or thousands of other explanations such as he's a friendly guy.

You dont know he didn't have children/ relatives at the sports day.

Poor guy he's dared to take the train, bus and go to a sports day.

People have gone mad.

How did you word the email?

This is very odd!

Let's review the evidence;

He was waiting for a bus/standing at a bus stop near a school.
He was at a sports day at that school earlier in the day and was talking to another parent.
You saw him on a train with a woman and 2 children who do not go to that school.

Almost certainly a paedophile from the evidence!

The chances that he had been at the sports day watching his child and was then waiting outside the school for his child to come out? Very small.

I think you did the right thing.

I really hope that he's a new TA at the Primary school, and gets a fucking great laugh out of this.

Frankly op you do sound unhinged and I can only begin to imagine what the school will think when they read your email but it will involve eye rolling

Groom?? What do you in all honesty expect the school to do?

On these threads in the past, several people have commented that their own son might come across as a threat to the idle observer because of SNs. I believe that could also be an explanation for his lack of reciprocal conversation

"BUT. He was chatting with another father, or rather he was listening as the other father waxed lyrical, pointing out his children and all their little friends, getting them to wave over."

Ah yes, you were obviously suggesting that he might be "grooming vulnerable women" and not being after the kids.

Lemarchands Oh no, we're obviously just silly. Men would never work with kids, or be interested in kids, unless they want to rape them. FFS. I worry about the shit DH is going to have to deal with in his new career :(

I can't believe people think the OP did the right thing!

Can you explain this bit:

"See him at sports day and think it's that annoying wind up merchant again "oh, I didn't know there were little French girls at this school". There aren't any little French girls at the school and they were too young to be in the KS3 sports day anyway. "

Given that when he was on the train he asked them if they were missing Daddy? I don't understand where you're coming from with that.

If your concern is that he might groom vulnerable women and hone in on them can you explain why you emailed the school? I don't understand that either.

I'm finding it hard to follow this thread, I'm sorry OP. I don't mean to be offensive as I know gut instinct is important. But I think there's an issue with getting across what was alarming about him on a talkboard, IYSWIM?

home in on them.

I can't rationalise it. The alarm bells just started ringing wildly. I can't tell you why, I can't put my finger on it.

Oh and you are right - if someone else had written this OP I would have ripped them to shreds for paranoia!

Oh please tell me you haven't [shocked]

What on earth do you expect the school to do anyway

I don't think even the op knows.... Hope the head calls you in on Monday and gives you a good talking to!

I worry for my sons! And yes, have heard the SN worries from parents before too.

tell me something, what would you have done if this had been a woman?

I think the whole "gut instinct" argument is an excuse for people to justify doing the most ridiculous things and then claiming they were just following their gut instinct.

yabu.

I'm sometimes quite a suspicious wary person. But a man stands at a bus stop and attends school sports day. And you e-mailed the school. Can't think what this poor man has done wrong.

So why did you post if even you think you're being paranoid.

Also what on earth did you say to the school?

What did you say to the school?