AIBU to be livid

[Yummymummyyobe1]

Today I went to baby clinic to have DS1 weighed as usual and over heard a conversation between the HV's and the woman who lives next door but one. The woman from next door was complaining about the number of delivery people that had been to our house this week (toy deliveries) and how is unfair how some children have everything given to them on a plate blah blah blah blah. The HV was agreeing and mentioned she knew which family she was talking about before stopping dead in her tracks, when she saw me standing there.

I was livid as this seems so unprofessional to gossip about another family and their goings on (she has been to the house and passed comment on the toys etc our DS1 has) and also livid with the person next door but one for being a nosiy parker just because she doesn't have doesn't mean she has a right to bitch. AIBU to be livid and would you report this?

Mumsnet strikes again...

Maryz I have. After experience with this woman before I stand by what I've said that got deleted.

Leaving this now, all the well wishers can carry on without me darkening it :)

Thank you all so much I am going to try and relax a little bit more. I'm trying really hard and might go an see the Dr this week but I'm a little conflicted as it will mean that I am not this perfect in control person I usually am in the office and in other areas of my life. I'm also really worried if this comes out that SS will become involved and then they might take our DS1 away.

They are not going to take your son away cos you have PND

GPs do not refer people to social services because they have PND. Nor do HVs. Even if there were concerns about your care of your DS remember it would need to be pretty serious before anyone called social services - and even if social services did visit you your DS would have to be seriously at risk before they opened a file on you - and remember that even if they did open a file on you, they can't and don't want to take children away from parents without extremely good reason, lots of evidence and the agreement of the court.

What I'm trying to say is that your fear of having your DS taken away from you and not being a 'perfect' parent are not rational fears. As such they may be a symptom of PMT and if you suspect you have it you must seek help for all your sakes. You will be doing your DS a favour if you seek treatment, honestly.

Thank you lady's I am going to try and get an appointment tomorrow as I can't continue down this road, I'm exhausted to say the least.

Yummy hope your appointment goes well. You must be exhausted your putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be perfect, and I'll bet your family already see you that way anyway. Good luck.

I meant PND of course not PMT!

Thanks V8WhosPickleisThatOnion I hope it gets easier.

I knew what you meant ErikNorseman

Believe me social services are so stretched they can barely help all the very, very vulnerable families where the children really are at risk.

You love your DS, want the absolute best for him and probably the ONLY person who doubts your ability is you. NOBODY in any service is going to think your DS shouldn't be with you.

Thank you EBDTeacher

Very Quick update. The Dr thinks I have anxiety and has suggested a course of therpy and a reassurance that SS will no become involved. She also mentioned that I need stop worrying about my weight (asked for diet pills) and the whole perfection idea. She looked at DS1 and thought he looked happy and healthy and that is all medical professionals want.

Yummy - next time someone says about all the toy deliveries say to them "how do you know the "toys" are for my child? Cant a woman have a little alone time with her adult toys?" nosy feckers.

Emmielu I will remember that although that might cause other gossip.

Yummy - haha can you imagine what gossip could come out of that one.

"Shes the one with all the sex toys! Why would you use sex toys? Cant she get a man?"

"No love, I'm just a wild thing!"

Emmielu LOL that made me smile no end and the thought that she might mention it to the HV.

Yummymummy If you've been told to stop worrying about your weight, you shouldn't be joining the size 16 to 10 club when you're a a size 10 wanting to be 6/8...

Not having a go, just want you to keep well.

yummy glad the visit went well and she has suggested a course of therapy, hope this is good for you, to second what Kato said maybe you should discuss this in therapy too, as to be honest I would worry about a friend who said they wanted to be 6/8 only 7 weeks after having a baby.

Thanks KatoPotato and WhosePickleisThatOnion I just want to be the size/weight I was before I became pregnant. Currently have a sleeping baby for the first time today so off to do a little housework and make a pot of coffeee.

You will be but give yourself plenty of time. I went back to my normal size practically overnight at about 9 months (people kept telling me this would happen but I wasn't quite sure).

Enjoy your coffee mine is in bed too so I`ll join you I think.

Thanks WhosPickleisThatOnion it is just so disheartening when I look at photos BC and get all angry that I didn't stop myself putting on too much weight (I gained 2st most of which was DS1)

I have a massive pot on the go on at the moment. Enjoy your coffee and the peace before our DC wake up.

You cant help that though! Dont be cross with yourself. I had a pot and it had all but vanished at 9 months, Ive spoiled it now by getting pg again though.

Thanks WhosPickleisThatOnion Pg pot is allowed though as there is a little person renovating.

yummy I'm glad you've sought help

The first thread we spoke on was one about life after baby and it seemed to be a expectation of perfection. There was a lot of talk about looking great afterwards too. It takes 9 months to gain your pregnant figure and it should take 9 months to lose it (at least) and it's rare to get your body back.

Your DS and DH don't want you to be perfect, they will want you to be happy. Happiness and perfection are FAR from the same things.

Take the therapy offered, take a deep breath and just enjoy being with DS. Let the house get messy. Send some of the toys back.

Just BE. You don't need to fill your house with stuff or keep a spotless home or be a size 6 straight away to be a good mum or wife. You just need to love your DS and DH and it's pretty clear to us that you do. Lots

I'm very sorry for my comment above, yummy. I shouldn't have said it.

I hope you start to feel better soon.

I've just caught up with this thread OP.

I am sorry you got a hard time in the beginning, sometimes it takes some wise mumsnetters to realise things you are not what they appear.

I had PND with dd, the reality of being a mum overwhelmed me.

I also had counseling and it helped immensely.

I'm very far from a perfect mum, I dont think I've done everything right with my DCs. For the most part they are lovely but parenting teenage children brings its own set of unique challenges!

I don't always have a home cooked meal on the table, my house is not ever always spotless and I outsource my ironing and oven cleaning because I have now accepted I'm not superwoman, and I don't have to be.
I'm also not a size 8 anymore but I guess it doesn't matter do much to me, if it did I suppose I'd find more time to go to the gym :)

I suppose what I'm trying to say is accept the help that is out there, and don't be ashamed of not being whatever you consider to be the perfect mum.
There's no such thing is there?

We all make mistakes, we all fall down sometimes.
As long as you are doing the best job you personally can do, it's ok.

And if you need a little help along the way? Well that's ok too.