AIBU to be livid

[Yummymummyyobe1]

Today I went to baby clinic to have DS1 weighed as usual and over heard a conversation between the HV's and the woman who lives next door but one. The woman from next door was complaining about the number of delivery people that had been to our house this week (toy deliveries) and how is unfair how some children have everything given to them on a plate blah blah blah blah. The HV was agreeing and mentioned she knew which family she was talking about before stopping dead in her tracks, when she saw me standing there.

I was livid as this seems so unprofessional to gossip about another family and their goings on (she has been to the house and passed comment on the toys etc our DS1 has) and also livid with the person next door but one for being a nosiy parker just because she doesn't have doesn't mean she has a right to bitch. AIBU to be livid and would you report this?

does not mention Capitalism

I soory, I only scanned your post.

Sorry that you have anxiety.

op i just read your last post and wanted to give you something to think about.

its going to be harder to keep your house tidy if you keep on filling it with un needed crap, children will find over stimulation a hinderance and love doesnt cost shit loads. stop buying so much stuff you dont need it neither does your ds or dp then use some of the money you save to go to feed the ducks in the sunshine anywhere you like.

ChaosTrulyReigns all this kisses make my mouth (Left thumb) hurt. I guess I just need to suck it up as being anxious isn't good for anybody after all what do I really have to be anxious about?

Socknickingpixie I always love family time and walking along the prom with DS1 in the pram.

I'm not sure anxiety is rational Ymyb1. You need to cope however best you can, but reign in the spending, hey? He really doesn't need it.

Thanks ChaosTrulyReigns I just worry that people will think I'm a bad mother if they come to our hime and our DS doesn't have certian things and then I get really worried about SS getting involved. The HV has always been more than happy with DS progress and had a good look around our home and DS nursery on her first visit and was very pleased.

Well op, I am glad you're realising you may have a problem.

PND is more common than you think, I suggest you speak to your GP about your anxiety and get some help with it.

You're a new mother with a new baby, stop trying to make it perfect and enjoy him. All he needs is you.

5inthebedPPA thank you I have always been a bit of a perfectionist and I just want to be a perfect mum. I love DS to bits and get really scared that he is going without.

yummy - you are not going to be a perfect mum. There's no such thing.

Why are you such a perfectionist do you think? Why do you set such high standards?

Maryz it does make sense about what really matters in life and that "things" aren't everything. having DS1 has made me realise how inflexiable I am and that scares me so much. I suspose what I need to do is address things in a better way..

yellowraincoat I always wanted to please people and if I was perfect then I people wouldn't disappoint people.

Maryz I always feel like I'm failing at something and it then makes me want to be more perfect if that makes sense.

Sounds like you got low self-esteem, OP.

I'm a perfectionist too, but I go the other way - don't try at all, that way, when it's not perfect, I won't be disappointed.

Finding my way a little more with therapy now but it is a horrible feeling.

Maryz has excellent and very honest advice.

Listen to her, she's a wise one.

Doesn't sound like HV was gossiping to me, just humouring her.

Also doesn't sound like your DS has things handed to him on a plate, whilst he might have all the stuff companys can sell, he's not going to learn imaginative play, how to move and crawl, is he. Poor kid.

Op consider sponsoring a child on behalf of your ds. This will give a brilliant feeling knowing that you're helping a less fortunate child who's never going to have the same opportunities as your ds. Your ds in the future will be able to read the updates and letters. A gift for both your ds and an unfortunate child.
When I was younger we didn't get pocket money instead we sponsored a boy in Africa. My earliest recollection of his photo and one of his letters on his special board is from when I was 4 or 5. I used to show all of my friends who came to play.

I've come back to this thread to apologise, I hadn't realised that you seem to be ill.

Just stop buying loads of crap for your DS, it really doesn't matter, take it from someone who now can't move because of all the stuff that she bought! My DS is now 9 months and his favourite toys are the wipe packets ahd trying to steal the TV remotes to chew on.

Another thing, take a second to think about your neighbours, you have no idea what is really going on in their life, perhaps that neighbour was alo feeling hopeless and a failure and thought she could turn to you and you treated her like a bit of dirt. In the end, we all come in to this world the same way and go out the same, we are equal.

OP thank you for clarifying all of this. I've come back to apologise & to offer some support.

Becoming a parent for the first time can be hugely overwhelming. Suddenly there's this tiny person who you brought into the world, that you love fiercely but relies on you for everything & sometimes that takes a while to get used to. Try to relax. Some of the best parents I know are the ones that just go with the flow a little bit.

When DS1 was tiny he didn't sleep & I spent so much time stressing about routines thinking it would magically help him sleep more than an hour at a time. Suffice to say it didn't & in hindsight I feel I missed out on his newborn days with it all. With DS2 I was far less strict & I actually really enjoyed his "baby" baby stage. Your DS doesn't want stuff. He wants you. No one is going to think you are a bad mum or call SS for not having enough toys etc.

Good icky OP!

Aw, at first I was laughing but now I think it's quite sad. It also reminds me of when my first child was tiny and I was so horribly anxious... one of my coping mechanisms was to buy every baby product available. My rationale was that although I didn't know how to look after her, I would at least have everything she supposedly needed. It was like a compulsion.

I'm sorry for you feeling so anxious and overwhelmed.

Truly, your baby wants you and not a lot more. Food, nappies, sleep, snuggles and some play time. Infact, quiet play time free of stimulus is very healthy.

You may find it helpful to read up on Magda Gerber, she was a wonderful leader of baby care. www.magdagerber.org

All the best OP (and yes, your HV should not be gossiping)

Oh you're the nappy woman? Says it all

Hi there,

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