For these to be the conditions on which DS (age 6) is allowed to play at someone's house?

[becstarsky]

Just laid down the law to DS about this then wondered if AIBU because this is something that has come up over and over again.... I actually think I might have even posted about it on MN before but can't remember. It's been such a saga.

DS is friends with a kid in his class and they've been friends for two years. Nice-ish kid, nothing much against him. Kid keeps inviting DS to play at his house after school. I've told DS that the child's mother or father has to ask either me or DH if it's okay - and that they have to be known to me. ie. the first conversation we have can't be 'Can your DS come over to mine?'. They have to say 'Oh hello, you're becstarskykids Mum, aren't you? How are you?' and we have to chat and THEN they say 'Wouldn't it be nice for them to play together?' and then we exchange numbers. So that I know them a little bit, just have a bit of a feel for what they're like. And, also the playdate has to be reciprocated - they come over to ours (with kids Mum in tow), or maybe play in the park near ours.

But the family are very strict Muslim and for this reason apparently this kids mum and dad won't speak to me (because I am western female) and kid isn't allowed at our house. I'm 99% sure this is the reason - I know that they speak English. So the invites keep on coming but only via DS from his friend (they are both 6). The kid is very upset that DS hasn't come to play at his house, he has approached me about it at school gates and doesn't understand when I keep telling him that his mum has to speak to me before DS can go to his house and that at age 6, DS can't go to play in a house with people who I don't know.

So firstly AIBU and more importantly - how can I manage this kid's disappointment and DSs disappointment about it? They would love to play together outside of school hours. I alternate between feeling sad for the kid, feeling liberal angst at feeling sad for the kid, feeling exasperated with the kid collaring me every time I'm at the school gates, feeling exasperated with the kid's parents not understanding that it's not reasonable to expect me to send my child into a house where I"m not welcome? And it's been going on for ages.

Thoughts? Flames? AIBU?

Samosa diplomacy that's genius.

katkouta there many people following islam that do not know Arabic. How do you think they follow and know the Quran if not for a translation?

Fact of the matter is whether it can be literally translated or not, the same 'right and wrongs' are taught to Muslim people.

WW but you are misrepresenting very specific aspects of the rights and wrongs

Does it matter if the friendship is started by the boys themselves?

Maybe the parents don't feel the need to strike up a friendship / chat / coffee date with you (nothing to do with religion / beliefs, maybe they just don't want to) but are happy for the boys to play.

IMO you're reading way too much into this.

I wonder if anyone would see anything wrong with a Christian mum blanking a Muslim mum for no other reason than religion, yet she was happy to have the Muslim child around as long as she didn't have to interact with said child's mother?

How easy would that be to swallow?

Oh, I almost forgot. How would anyone feel if a Christian mum adorned her windows with anti Muslim literature? Would the children be mixing then?

Beejeesuz I'm not the one misinterpreting.

How can I misinterpret if I'm stating the very words of someone on the Sharia Council? Surely they know about it more than us...

Good point damsel.

People would be up in arms and screaming racism (even though it's not a race but people often confuse this) if a catholic shunned a Muslim woman. But go softly whn it's the other way round.

misrepresenting not, misinterpreting

Sorry read that wrong.

My point still stands that, how can I misrepresent some of the things I've spoken about here. Including the 'divorce her if she doesn't give you sex, despite her bein abused'

WW you state that all Muslims believe the same right and wrongs, because it is dictated by the religion; and so all Muslims believe that a woman has no right to refuse sex within marriage, because you read it on the Sharia Council website

None of which is relevant, as to whether OP should persist in persuing to engage the dc friends mum, who persistently ignores her

Because ALOT of Muslims in the UK do not support Sharia Law. And most certainly would not support that statement

As for such [of the unbelievers] as do not fight against you on account of [your] faith, and neither drive you forth from your homelands, God does not forbid you to show them kindness and to behave towards them with full equity: for, verily, God loves those who act equitably. (Quran 60:8)

God only forbids you to turn in friendship towards such as fight against you because of [your] faith, and drive you forth from your homelands, or aid [others] in driving you forth: and as for those [from among you] who turn towards them in friendship; it is they, they who are truly wrongdoers! (Quran 60:9)

From the above verses, we learn that we are only discouraged from befriending those who fight Muslims because of their religion. Now let's go back to the verse immediately after 5:51, to see if it sheds some further light on the issue.
O you who believe! take not for friends and protectors those who take your religion for a mockery or sport,- whether among those who received the Scripture before you, or among those who reject Faith; but remain conscious of God, if you are (truly) believers. (Quran 5:57)

you cant take a verse out of context,

if you look at the commentary of the verses posted by other posters, 5.51 This Ayah discourages and forbids taking the enemies of Islam and its people, such as the People of the Book and the polytheists, as friends. These disbelievers mock the most important acts that any person could ever perform, the honorable, pure acts of Islam which include all types of good for this life and the Hereafter. They mock such acts and make them the subject of jest and play, because this is what these acts represent in their misguided minds and cold hearts.

similarly if you look at the explanations of all the verses you can see some are referenceing specific people, such as 3,28 comes after verses talking about Jewish tribes in the past killing prophets, and means dont be friends with these kinds of people.

white woman, in Islam one of the rights of both spouses is intimacy, if a man doesnt keep his wife chaste by being intimate with her then she can also divorce him.

if the man/woman is happy to be in a sexless marriage they can also stay together.

what is so weird?

damsel if a Christian mother had been persecuted in her own country and had literature in her window against the persecutors, what ever their religion, I wouldnt have an issue with that. "Muslim" leaders in many countries are corrupt and evil, just beacause I am a muslim, doesnt mean I will support atrocities commited by Muslims and get offended if people speak up about it.

I actually have many Muslim friends who do concentrate their efforts going on protests etc to highlight the atrocities commited by Muslim leaders.

and one more thing, the muslims on this thread are all saying it is out of order she blanks you so how is it racist? and how are these "if it was the other way round" comments relevant?

It is always relevant to reverse a situation when discussing it, as is being discussed here. I'm almost certain there would be a bigger out burst against the mother if she was white christian and behaved like that than simply accepting that's the way that she is.

bejeesuz no it is not just from reading it on the sodding website. But even if it was, that is how a Muslim (and one who is respected at that) has interpreted the Quran and how it rules that aspect of a Muslims life. And that's what others are doing. That's not from me. That's from a Muslim and a operating Muslim court. A lot of Muslims follow Sharia, as they should according to their religion!

nailak that's completely different. You are trying to put it into a context that seems reasonable. The fact is the woman had been abused and didn't want sex. The advice (based on what it says in the quran) was to give her a chance to get over it and divorce her if she doesn't.

Because prejudice from a white Christian has a completely different origin and impact than against in a white Christian country and different again to prejudice to and from BME in a white Christian country

'ecause prejudice from a white Christian has a completely different origin and impact than against in a white Christian country and different again to prejudice to and from BME in a white Christian country'

What toss. It still affects the individual regardless of that

You are taking an extreme view and presenting it as middle of the road (for a group you don't even belong to, and know little about!)

DamselInTornDress People would not be so undertanding i'm sure.

WhiteWidow your right, people would be screeching racism for sure, good point

but we see all the time threads about people being blanked at the school gates, no one even thinks to ask the ethnicity or religion of those involved. so why is it such a big deal in this case.

and white widow, did you post a link to what you are talking about?

as from what you are saying it seems a woman has been abused and cant face sex, so her husband has been advised to give her time to recover and get help etc, and if after time she still cant face sex, and he doesnt want to be in a sexless marriage, that they should divorce, i still dont get what is so bad?

what would you advise in this situation?