to want to punch a dolphin?

[SillyBeardyDaddyman]

Right in his smug face.

Bastards the lot of em. Especially flipper. What a dick.

Anyone else want to join me? Or do you have your own brand of animal hatred? Want to kick a meercat? I'm not gonna stop you...

I got attacked by a ram at a farm play place when I was little. I was in the small indoor enclosure feeding it when it decided to try and eat my shoes instead. I tried to step away and got butted in the stomach and corralled into the corner where it alternated butting and biting me.

Sheep are on the list. Punch at will.

rhubarb awesome stories! Sorry about max :(

Rhubarb that was an emotional rollercoaster! You should publish a book!

Sorry to hear about Max too :(

I have a rat story.

I bought a rat from a pet shop.
I kept it in a large shoe box in my bedroom so that my mum wouldn't know.
It escaped.
My sister found it a few weeks later.
I don't think she wanted to find it.
Not if the scream was anything to go by.

I got shat on by a pigeon once.
Then I won a fridge.

I like goats. They're evil and I like that about them.
I hate cuteness and sweetness. Pretentious attributes they are.

In the gremlins move I preferred the gremlins to Gizmo, he was just a fucking pain in the arse.

Are fairies animals? I hate bloody fairies. That bloody Tinkerbell, what a slut!
The Nac Mac Feegles I like.

Oh I did have my very own dog once. It was a Pomerian puppy whose mum had died. My brother gave it to me.
My mum sat on it and killed it.
She's evil and not in a good way.

I have bitten once in my life by a dog.

I was about 13 and was playing with my great grandmas dog. She bit me. Funny thing is she was only a black miniature poodle that was also deaf and blind!

Why did I say I had Max for four years? I meant 14 as I said later.

I know what I mean, you just have to mind-read.

My Nanna had a pet squirrel!

I got dragged off a swing backwards when I was 10.
I looked up and into the face of a German Shepherd.
It was grinning but not in a nice 'hello' sort of way.
I tried to get up onto my feet but this action apparently infuriated it.
It mauled me, biting my shoulder and thigh.
People walked past and just looked at me getting bitten by a dog that was bigger than me.
Something distracted it and I legged it all the way back home.
I got into trouble for ripping my dress.
Then I had a tetanus injection in my arse, which hurt.
The police came and the owner said it was my fault for being in the park.
Nothing was done.
This was in the 80s mind.

I reckon you've had enough of my animal stories now.

I'd like a pet squirrel.
Not a fucking grey one though, they suck.
A red one.
I'd teach it to twat all the grey ones.

You'd have to give it steroids and make it work out so it stood a chance against the grey squirrels.

rhubarb you have more stories? Fucking hell! Maybe you should stay away from animals, just for your own safety and sanity...

Pigeons, definitely. People round here feed the disgusting fuckers. Why?

Also, horses. I know some people get all precious about the French eating them, and I don't understand why. They are just like cows in my book, except you can ride on them, they can kick you, and they sometimes get scared of odd things like plastic bags.

Grey squirrels are enormous twats. One tried to mug me for my lunch once. I was sat on a bench one time eating lunch, chatting with a friend. I turned to look at my arm as I felt something there and what do I see but a hugely fat fucking squirrel sat on my jacket sleeve reaching for my sandwich!

I jerked my arm upwards and tossed that wanker into a bush. No one gets my sandwich but me.

Lots of animals seem to try and mug you silly. Are you weak and feeble looking?

Ok one more.

We saw an injured bird. It had been hit by a car. It wasn't going to survive and was suffering badly so we decided to put it out of its misery.
We got back into our car and tried to reverse over it.
It was still flapping about.
So we put the car into 1st and tried again.
I look out. It's still flapping.
So now I get out of the car and guide dh over the bird, killing it instantly.
At that moment I look up to see neighbour standing across the road watching us in horror.
No amount of explaining would convince him that we were not murdering bird haters.

I kill accidently kill dd's hamster too.

Hmm, perhaps I had best stay away from animals.
I try to be kind to them but usually they just turn and one of us always ends up getting hurt.

I've never been mugged by a person and when I've been threatened and I've stood up to the challenge the protagonist has walked away, but animals seem to think they have a chance! For some reason they view me as a soft target!

Are you sure you're not a serial killer rhubarb? Most of them start with small rodents and birds...

Very true SBD.
You never know....

Blimey Rhubs.......

I thought the DDs pet dawarf hamster had died. Not wanting to touch it I wrapped it in tin foil and left it in the kitchen. In the morning there was pieces of tin foil on the counter but we never saw the hamster again.

I saw a pigeon raping another pigeon in Trafalga Square. I decided to rescue it and ended up in the fountain.

At Florida Disney pissup at night thing I was bitten in the arse by a goat. I still bear the scar.

At same piss up I was groped by Chip. Or maybe it was Dale.

It is true; Scientific Fact.

This thread is so wrong

But so bloody funny :-D

Rescue rangers in grope shocker!

Are you a furry coco?

I never thought about it in that way ..... It wasnt unenjoyable (is that a word). But I was very, very drunk. I was there with pissy man too .

Ch-ch-ch-chip n dale! Gropey rangers!

He was off duty. He wasnt wearing a hat.