to want to punch a dolphin?

[SillyBeardyDaddyman]

Right in his smug face.

Bastards the lot of em. Especially flipper. What a dick.

Anyone else want to join me? Or do you have your own brand of animal hatred? Want to kick a meercat? I'm not gonna stop you...

:o There is an actual video of a man punching a dolphin on YouTube.

That was meant to be a

I panicked when I read the thread title. Thought dh had hacked my mumsnet!!
As he left for work this morning he said he wanted to punch a dolphin too

FFS are you all 12 year-old boys with animal torture compulsions? What is wrong with you?!

The fly never worked out how to get out, he is now dead on the windowsill.

I was going to kill him anyway so least he went humanly

There was a woman on the tube last night wearing a dress covered in swans. I was concerned she was going to get accosted by a mad swan hating Mumsnetter. Then I started to wonder how the panda-punchers would react to people who wear those beanie hats intended to make the wearer look like they are wearing a panda scalp on their heads. I got so caught up I didn't have time to finish the Evening Standard sudoku.

lol my eldest DD (11) tells me she is NEVER swimming in the sea because dolphins poop in there! Another reason??

There was foxes shagging outside my window last night, kept the baby up as they went on for ages I was pissed of but amazes at their stamina

I would falcon punch both of them without a second thought.

I WOULD KICK A CAT RIGHT UP IT HAIRY ARROGANT ARSE!!!!! CUNTPUFFINS THAT THEY ARE -- AND YES- I DO MEAN TO SHOUT!!!!!!

I'm so happy I'm not the only one hating pandas!
Pandas, dolphins and ancient egyptians (not animals but still, so smug weren't they?)

Umm, coco my darling, I'm gonna need to hear more about you 'accidently' kicking a yorkie please, if you don't mind very much :)

swans are bastards.
We had a funny moment at a park several years ago when a swan started running and hissing at dh. Instead of running off, dh squared up and told the swan to FUCK OFF very loudly. We got some funny stares, can't imagine why. The swan waddled off. I swear if it hadn't, dh would've punched it.

Well it wasnt so much a kick as a scoop with my foot

I had my dog down the park when she was a pup. Shes not the bravest or most sociable of dogs. She had a ball and the yorkie kept taking it and running away. The owner didnt do anything to stop it so next time I put out my foot to gently push it away. But somehow my foot ended up underneath it and I brought my leg up and the little bastard shot straight up like a rocket.

I dont know who looked the most surprised me or it (actually probably it did).

Things I learnt that day.

1. My dog is a wimp.
2. Yorkies weight the same as a helium balloon.
3. Its not only cats that land on their feet, yorkies do too.

I too loathe dolphins. "oo, they look like they're smiling"

No, they're not. That is their default expression to disguise their true evil. Sinister. Smiling as they eat their babies..

Do they eat their babies? They definitely need punching then! I'd punch anyone who ate their baby.

catus, lowfat and cocole - you are all jointly liable for making me snort tea through my nose!

I'm going to throw pigeons into the ring. I was outside a pub once and there was a pigeon on a windowsill. I saw a man poking his lit cigarette towards it so I knocked his hand out of the way and shouted at him to leave the poor thing alone. The pigeon then flew up, landed on my head and did a poo. Ungrateful bastard.

And wombats.

Cute with tiny sharp teeth, bet they smell.

Dd had been stalking pigeons recently. I think she wants to kick them... I'm in two minds about whether or not to let her. I mean its cruel on one hand, but on the other hand they shit everywhere and if she can catch them she deserves the reward...

Noooo!!! Species specific assaults must remain the stuff of fantasy!

I rescued a chicken once.
It had fallen out of the chicken lorry taking it to chicken death and onto my plate. Only now it was running around like a headless chicken (geddit?) in the middle of the road.
I was 18 and on my way to college.
I chased it for a bit before I managed to catch it.
Then I took it on the bus with me. I asked the driver how much for a chicken but he said he'd never had a chicken on the bus before so he didn't know.
I just shrugged and sat down with the chicken.
After a while a little old lady sat down next to me. The chicken began making clucking noises and I was fairly sure she hadn't seen it so I was a bit concerned in case she turned suddenly, saw it and had a panic attack.
It didn't help that the chicken kept trying to peck her coat.
Anyway, college wouldn't let me in with the chicken so I explained that I would then have to miss my English class whilst I took it to the RSPCA.

And that is my chicken story.

Sorry there were no punches in there.

I have punched a dog before though. It had me cornered and was jumping up trying to bite me. My back was against the wall and the door of the kennels (I did a stint as a kennel maid for Thatchers YTS rip-off scheme) was behind the dog. I was just about fending it off, all 7 stone of me. I then decided to give it a huge punch on the nose and shove it backwards with all my might, which I did.

I got out and the bloody dog came up to the bars wagging its tail as though nothing had happened.

That is my dog story.

Anyone want to hear my parrot story?

Does it involve a Norwegian Blue?

No, a cockatoo and a Maximillian (scaly face)

Unless you're John Cleese (in which case I think I may know how the story ends...) yes - do tell!

We did that sketch at the garden centre when the assistant tried to tell us that the plant we bought 2 months previously, which eventually just turned black, was not dead but was in fact, hibernating.

Anyway.

You have to understand that all these stories are true.
I was a jobs prostitute, going from job to job in my teens and my early twenties.

One job was in an aviary. The owner had a cockatoo that was allowed to just roam around.
One day it landed on my shoulder. I had a mole on my neck about the size of a raisin and this is obviously what the cockatoo thought it was.
It bit it off.
I grabbed the cockatoo and threw it down (no mean feat) with blood pouring down my neck.
I had done First Aid so I stopped the bleeding, stuck a plaster on it and told the owner in no uncertain terms that the cockatoo would be soup if it came near me again.
A while later I spotted a Maximillian parrot they were going to sell to a breeder. I liked it so I asked if I could have it. I worked weekends for free and he felt he owed me one so he gave it to me after 2 months.

I called him Max.

I had him for four years. He used to attack cats and any stray men I brought back to my flat with me. The only one who withstood the attacks is my now dh.
I had Max for 14 years then some bastards broke into our house one day and stole him.

I would like to punch them.

I have a bee story.

One got stuck in my knickers when I was 9. That is an abiding and painful memory.

I probably have more stories but it?s the school run.