to feel sad that friend is happy to be separated from her newborn for first 3 nights

[Whoneedssleepanyway]

My friend is due to have DC2 in a few weeks and after a very bad labour resulting in some problems for her DS, she has booked into a private hospital for an elective CS.

I w her the other day and she said the hospital insist she stays in 3 nights and it is brilliant as they will take the baby to the nursery all night for her so she can sleep and will feed the baby for her as she doesn't intend to BF.

I didn't pass comment as this is up to her but I can't help feeling a bit sad that her baby won't be with its mum for the first 3 nights of its life but will be with some stranger, both my DDs slept with me (on my chest) for first 3 nights.

AIBU?

It's not your business what she decides to do with her child, lets just leave it at that shall we?

Agreed but I am entitled to have an opinion.....

YABU
Noyb

It wouldn't have suited me but who knows what your friend will do once the baby has arrived? Right now this might sound like an eminently sensible idea (I don't!) but once the baby is born and put into her arms, she might well find she can't possibly tolerate any separation. So I'd not hurry to be judgemental at this stage.

I doubt the baby will know, I didn't.

My mum was in hospital 6 days when she had me, I didn't sleep with her ever!

Hasn't done me any harm

A rested new mum is surely better than a frazzled one, especially considering she has another child?

YABU and very judgemental. Just because your DD's slept on your chest for the first 3 nights doesnt mean it is for everyone.

Seriously, its her decision, the baby wont remember and I am sure it wont harm the bonding process. She will get her baby back and feel as rested and calm as she can do - will make for a much happier mum in my opinion.

No, you don't really need to have an opinion here. You might be entitled to have one but that doesn't mean you should.

my local NHS hospital does this, its very useful, most women only use it when the baby is alseep anyway but they are too nervous to sleep themselves if there's noone physically looking at the baby!

Just because there's a nursery doesn't mean you'll use it, but its very useful after a CS

If she's your friend, you should support her in whatever she wants to do. What was right for you is not necessarily what's right for her.

YABVU.

Save your sadness for children that need it.

Stranded, when did you come back? :)

Yes, you're entitled to have an opinion. But when you stick it on MN and ask people whether it's a reasonable one be prepared to be told that it isn't.

And it isn't. It's small minded and judgemental.

YABU. But I've just read an article on the rise of 'Baby boxes' in Europe - basically a safe, warm place to leave an abandoned baby. There are 99 of them in Germany. I'm sad that there is such a call for them. I'm struggling to feel sad that a mum has arranged for the hospital nursery to look after her baby in the night during her stay there.

WTF Erik...I take it from that you never ever have an opinion on anything anyone else ever does....?

I said in my OP that I haven't even passed comment on this and wouldn't dream of but are your really saying that you never give a second thought to choices other people make that you wouldn't do yourself....

Could you be a little bit more judgmental if you tried really hard?

Just because you slept with your dc on your chest for the first 3 nights, doesn't mean everyone has to.

What would you have said to her, that you feel sad for her baby? What an awful thing to say.

I didn't have a c section but I am fairly sure it takes a while to recover. Who are you to judge a person for taking all the help available when they need it?

It is a bit sad, but once she has given birth maybe she will think differently. With my DC1, I had real trouble getting him to latch on and I didn't have good advice on BF, and he was getting formula top ups while I hand expressed colustrum. The nursery nurse took him away during the night so I could get some sleep as I also had a very bad labour followed by an EMCS so was shattered. In hindsight this didn't help at all as I missed all his feeding cues, and didn't get BF established. I ended up exclusively expressing for him. With my DC2, she slept on me from day 1, she wouldn't even tolerate the bedside cot.
But if she is planning on FF then less of an issue I guess.

Errr Bumping that is exactly what I am doing...wouldn't dream of making her feel guilty about her decisions she makes for her child.

Oh I'm always thinking me OP. But it takes a bit more than that to make me feel sad.

Yabu. The baby will spend the first 3 DAYS with its mother no doubt so no harm done there. I wasn't with my DS for the first 17 nights of his life while he was in SCBU. No harm done there either.

sleep is vital when you're a new mum. If it is her choice to not breastfeed, and she has the option of having some help, then why the hell choose to plunge herself into sleep deprivation from the off when she can recuperate from the birth a bit by having some help?

When she gets home, perhaps her husband will take the night shift sometimes too and she can sleep then as well.

There are a whole other 16+ hours in the day in which to hold, snuggle, skin to skin and croon over her baby, who I am sure she loves the bones of.

Snapping up any chance to get some good quality sleep while her baby is cared for seems like a good plan of action to me. She'll be less tired during the day, which can only be good for her and her baby.

(I bf and coslept at first and I think she's not doing anything to judge her for, or if the word judge is not a comfortable or accurate one - not doing anything to feel sad about)

Sounds like a great idea. When DS was born (ventuouse) he screamed all night for the 4 nights we were in hospital. On the third and fourth night the midwives came every time he cried (when he didn't need breastfeeding), took him away to their midwife station, swaddled him and looked after him. Bought him back when he was asleep and left him in my room then when he woke again I rang the bell and they took him again.....they could see that I was struggling and needed the rest.

Can I just point out I don't expect her to sleep with her child on her chest, yes that is what I did as my DDs wouldn't settle if they had slept in a moses basket or cot I would have done that too, I am not saying that is the only way to do it.

For me I know though I couldn't have just handed my baby over to someone else within hours of giving birth.

But thank you everyone for pointing out how judgemental I am I will work on that.

I think you are being unreasonable. I didn't see my twins for 12 hours after they were born. One of them spent three nights without me and the other one saw me for an hour every couple of days for the first two weeks of her life and we are all fine.

No, it's not what you are doing. If you was supporting your friend, you really would not then start a thread about how sad you feel for her baby

Let's hope she isn't a mnetter, I bet reading this would really make her feel supported by you..