to feel sad that friend is happy to be separated from her newborn for first 3 nights

[Whoneedssleepanyway]

My friend is due to have DC2 in a few weeks and after a very bad labour resulting in some problems for her DS, she has booked into a private hospital for an elective CS.

I w her the other day and she said the hospital insist she stays in 3 nights and it is brilliant as they will take the baby to the nursery all night for her so she can sleep and will feed the baby for her as she doesn't intend to BF.

I didn't pass comment as this is up to her but I can't help feeling a bit sad that her baby won't be with its mum for the first 3 nights of its life but will be with some stranger, both my DDs slept with me (on my chest) for first 3 nights.

AIBU?

Def can be a mental hug. Social workers tend to be a touchy freely lot, but we do respect boundaries.

Betsey and LeQueen, totally agree, I have 3 children and have only experienced that whole instant rush of love thing once. Do I love that child more than the others, no. Even with the "instant love" child I didn't feel the need to be in constant bodily contact with him, Dp would take over when I was knackered, so I could get a decent sleep, I have never done co-sleeping intentionally, I adore nothing more than a few hours to myself.

I used to work on a post-natal ward and on night shifts we would take some babies into the staff room, those with Mothers who were exhausted, or very fussy babies. It was brilliant, I got to feed and settle scrummy babies (and sit down for awhile haha), Mothers got a bit of rest win, win.

I don't agree with the oft trotted out line "children's needs always come first" either, as long as everyone is happy, surely it is a balancing of needs, you don't cease to be a person, once a parent. Surely people have children to share life with them, rather than a project to create some kind of super-human at great expense to yourself.

I didn't hold my son for at least 12 hours after I had him!

I was accidently overdosed after the Labour on morphine so I didn't know who my son was or anything til it had worn off!

Because of complications we were stuck in hospital for a few days and he didn't sleep on my chest then either.

Not having the baby with you sleeping on your chest doesn't mean the child has missed out!

I'm just grateful to have my son weather I remember his first 12 hours or not!

Oh and no I didn't breast feed due to been on tablets for complications! My sons fine and we love each other believe it or not.

Well SP..he is only two...still plenty of time for him to embark upon a life of wickedness and crime! How dare you be ill and need of recuperation time? According to some of the illuminati here, you should have held him skin to skin regardless of your own selfish needs...lazy moo!

I should have held him and thrown up all over him whilst wondering where the fuck I was and who this baby belonged too. Selfish me

I forgive you..but < drops voice to a whisper> do not expect same level of luuuurve from all on here..

I know I am straggling WAY behind in this (in different time zone) but just checked in to see how it ended.. Was expecting buns all over the place but these last couple of pages have also brought tears to my eyes.
I won't tell my story as the moment has passed, but your posts could have been written by me. Thanks for making me cry and smile at the same time! Good to know there are so many of us with similar experiences if bonding and motherhood.

I also had a very very similar first birth experience to you LeQueen

That's what I meant earlier about having to learn my instincts

Thanks LeQueen. I think there might have been a thread somewhere else about why people persist with MN and it's moments like these.

He's nearly six now but, as you can tell, those feelings of confusion, inadequacy and 'monsterness' are still very raw. I absolutely agree about never taking a moment for granted with him. I've learnt that loving every moment with him now is what counts and not to be drawn back to times I'll never be able to change.

And to add to your point, Jamie when DS2 came along it was better. I'd accepted myself and gave myself a break.

The thought of having PND is terrifying when you're pregnant, especially if you have suffered poor mental health in the past. It's unimaginable if you've had good mental health previously. I think it could have been better somehow if my ante natal education had broached the possibility of feeling like this after birth.

Thanks again all.

Baby will be fine in the nursery, nothing for you to be sad about OP. Your friend needs to rest after having a CS.

I just wanted to come on and say to all those feeling guilty, or simply of the rational mind that leaving a baby for a few hours is NOT going to damage them irrevocably, there only seems to be the op plus one poster on here who disagrees. So either we are all a bunch of selfish child abusers, or in fact we are making a sensible point. Having a baby is HARD, and we should be supporting each other, not condemning and judging and laying on guilt. THAT is what makes me sad.

Big hugs to all those who struggled (as I did) in the beginning and accepted help, I hope and I am sure it is the case, that your lovely dcs have now grown up to be little angels!

Just for the record i dont recall saying this was going to cause irrevocable damage Madame...but it wasnt for me and that view for me hasnt changed.

Lots of very moving stories here am glad all with happy outcomes, at the end of the day it is clear we all love our children very much.

But not as much as Peter Andre

Speak for yourself worry

No, Whoneedssleepanyway, it is a proven scientific fact. Like gravity.

It is impossible to love your children as much as Peter Andre.

KP didn't get to as much as look at her kids in the first 3 days because PA had fused them to his chest.

I know this, because I read it in Closer (or maybe Heat... Or NEW... or Hello... Or OK) and everyone knows that is a Bible of truth

op if it's proven we all love our babies why are you so harsh on your pal
she is probably tired,scared,wanting respite. yet you chose to see her choice as maternal failing

Oh Shit... The OP is Peter Andre.

It all makes sense now.

LeQueens post has really hit the nail on the head. Thank you for posting it. I really wish that before I had had DS, someone had told me that whatever I felt after giving birth was OK. I was expecting to feel overwhelmed with how much I love him, and mostly I was just confused and terrified and so so so bone tired. I was kind of in awe of the fact that I had grown him, from scratch, but it wasn't the kind of heart wrenching love that they talk about for a good few weeks. And even then, it was love tinged with a tiny bit of 'oh god, what the hell have I done?! This is the biggest mistake of my life, I have ruined everything'. I also wish that someone had told me that it's OK to not really like babies that much. I've found that the bigger he gets (6 months now), the more I love him and the more I enjoy spending time with him. He's fun now, bit of a handful at times, but I enjoy his company now in a way that I just didn't when he was tiny and new.

Not really getting the PA love. I mean, he seems nice enough as a person, but he's just so ... so shiny.

Shit worry i am busted

Time for a name change

YANBU - you only stated that you felt sad, absolutely nothing wrong with that. I find it sad that she's decided not to breastfeed but as she's decided this, it doesn't make an awful lot of difference that her baby will be in another room.

hmmmIDoubtIt - do you know if your local hospital has achieved UNICEF Baby Friendly status? Not with those kind of practices I doubt, sounds very old-fashioned.

Look, OBVIOUSLY we've now established that the OP is NBU because the OP is, infact, PETER ANDRE.

The only man alive who loves his children so much he managed to breastfeed them. Even though he's a man.

OF COURSE, us mere mortals appear weak (not to mention cold and selfish) compared to such a force of pure LOVE.

peter andre bf his children actually made me a bit sick , because i think if he could he would