to feel sad that friend is happy to be separated from her newborn for first 3 nights

[Whoneedssleepanyway]

My friend is due to have DC2 in a few weeks and after a very bad labour resulting in some problems for her DS, she has booked into a private hospital for an elective CS.

I w her the other day and she said the hospital insist she stays in 3 nights and it is brilliant as they will take the baby to the nursery all night for her so she can sleep and will feed the baby for her as she doesn't intend to BF.

I didn't pass comment as this is up to her but I can't help feeling a bit sad that her baby won't be with its mum for the first 3 nights of its life but will be with some stranger, both my DDs slept with me (on my chest) for first 3 nights.

AIBU?

oh and the staff swaddled and cuddled him in the nursery.. he would have been lying alone in his fishbowl if he'ld stayed beside me (too out of it with operation drugs to have him safely on my chest and I can't sleep on my back anyway)

DS co-slept with me in hospital - but goodness if he had had problems as a result of a difficult birth my priorities would be somewhat different.

What self indulgent luxury some people revel in.

And how long as a newborn had to get used to THE EXTERIOR of its mother, exactly?

Sorry shagmund but that seems like a ridiculous statement to me.

My only DS was 3 weeks early and I breast fed, despite that I asked the hospital to take him to the Nursery at nights and wake me up when he needed feeding. Seemed v sensible to me. I needed some sleep too.

I think YABU and I'm totally jealous of her! 3 nights post-birth with no crying baby and no waking up sound bliss. Good for her

I think it sounds like a brilliant idea.

With DD1 I didn't quite know what to do with her, I'd been awake for 36 hours, Dh had been sent home and I was in a bit of a shocked state.
I asked the midwives if they could have her and bring her back if she wanted feeding. And they did and I got some sleep and felt a bit better for it. That was 2009.

DD2 I had tucked up under my arm for the two nights I was in with her as she was born by CS and I couldn't get out of bed to get her when she cried. That was lovely too.

But hell, that first time I just needed someone else to be 'looking after' my pfb whilst I tried to pull myself together.

What do you think the baby would want?

To be near the only thing it has ever known? The only familiar thing in its universe?

Or to be surrounded by strangers voices and smells?

Seriously - are babies SO different from all other human beings that the familiar doesn't make them feel safe? Would you send your toddler to sleep three nights with a stranger if all they had ever known was you? I wouldn't. Not unless I was too ill to care for him or her myself.

Oh this took off then

YABU because what someone decides is best for them and their family is absolutely none of your business

Couldn't agree with you more, I'd have hated it. But that's us, and other people do it there way. Hope you survive everyone else's opinions though!

OP, it is women like you who turn motherhood into some bloody competition of saintliness.

I think your friend has made an excellent choice. Sensible.

Not buzz off with your sad feelings and your medals

Well I think it is a bit of a shame & would want to do everything myself for my baby if possible. Maybe this is hard after a cs though, it is a big op & if it helps her recover quicker then that is a good thing. I wouldn't say anything if I were you.

What a ridiculous OP. I nearly died when my baby was born, and afterwards the nurses tried to insist that they take the baby away for the night to let me rest as I had lost a lot of blood (had to get three units replaced a few days later). Stupidly I refused as I was determined to breastfeed and I was doped to the tits on morphine. I ended up in hospital for over a week and ended up getting severe PND as I was so physically and mentally wrecked by the whole experience. Judgy attitudes like yours can cause real harm, making people expect too much of themselves ( I really thought I was letting my baby down not doing skin to skin - although when you are hooked up to 27 machines it is pretty difficult), I wish to god I had slept some more when I was given the chance, maybe I wouldnt have been so ill, and would certainly have got better quicker. So save your sadness and judgeypants for children who need it.

But its at night the baby is asleep mum is asleep non co sleeping babies are in cots/baskets It really isnt a shame, and baby mammals seperated from mothers fail to thrive babies will thrive in a nusery over night,

Herrer - babies recognise their mothers smell and their mothers voice. They will choose their mother's milk over another woman's. They've never known silence or had to regulate their own temperature. That's why they often want to lie on your chest - for your warmth, your smell, the sound of your heart and your familiar voice.

Your body is your baby's universe until the moment of birth. Being dressed and left to lie flat in a cot in a quiet room is probably the sensory equivalent for a baby of being put in an isolation tank.

It sounds like a great idea. After no other kind of abdominal surgery would you be woken regularly rather than left to rest, or be expected to twist and lift.

When I was born it was common practice for mums and babies to stay in hospital for several days - and for the babies to sleep in the nursery.

I understand it is still commonplace in many countries.

It isn't what I would choose to do, but it's not something I have a problem with others choosing to do.

yabu
cs are horrific.

Gosh what I would have given for DS1 to be taken awy from me for a few hours in hospital so I could have gotten some sleep. After a 31 hour labour that ended in a EMCS, and having a baby that wanted fed constantly it would have been very welcoming. I can remember it still, asking the MW if she could take him for a few hours so I could sleep, just as she had the womans baby in the bed next to me. Was told "no, you're not breastfeeding" and that was that. I was exhausted, constantly crying and in a lot of pain. The woman in th bed next to me had 6 hours sleep while her baby was away, and was as fresh as a daisy the next day

So Op, YABU. On both accounts. It's her bab she can care and feed it any legal way she choses.

Oh well - as long as you can't measure the harm that means there isn't any.

A newborn and a toddler have different levels or awareness, i would think that is quite obvious.

My newborn let me know when he wasn't happy by crying, if a newborn isn't happy sleeping down the corridor from mum i am sure it will let the whole ward or MW station know.

SHag for those of us who have had babies in a nursery over night what kind of damage are you talking about to these children and some adults because of this , I am interested and not being sarcastic ,

shagmund that may well be true, but (judging from my one experience of having a baby) I don't think DS gave a crap at 2 days old who was holding him/feeding him as long as someone was doing it.

Also, the vast number of kids who started out life in intensive care but still have good relationships with their mums leads me to believe that maternal contact is not the be-all and end-all.

Yes, please tell me how much damage i have caused my son by leaving him to sleep peacefully in his isolation tank hospital cot as a newborn.

We're talking about a tiny, vulnerable baby, who is born primed to interact with its mother. If not deliberately separated from her we know that babies often want to be held for prolonged periods. We know that skin to skin helps regulate their temperature in the first days of life and result in reduced periods of crying.

But the responses on this thread aren't about the baby. Because as far as I can see the general view is that as long as baby is safe and is fed there is no concern about its emotional experience of the first few days of life.

All the responses are about me me me.

There are ways of supporting mums and helping them recover from birth without separating them from their babies for prolonged periods immediately after birth.

Shag, they don't do that in Germany. All the wee newborns are out under the lights on the big changing stations on the middle of the room. Generally nekkid, generally tucked up in the foetal position on their fronts with their wee bottoms in the air, getting a bit of a sun tan. It's roasty toasty warm, and very funny to walk in and see a whole raft of little baby botties in the care of the nursery staff, who are generally chatting etc. there's no cold clinical about it. I think they have less instances of jaundice as a result.

And I have to say, if we are orf down the cortisol route, I will wee my own pants.