to feel sad that friend is happy to be separated from her newborn for first 3 nights

[Whoneedssleepanyway]

My friend is due to have DC2 in a few weeks and after a very bad labour resulting in some problems for her DS, she has booked into a private hospital for an elective CS.

I w her the other day and she said the hospital insist she stays in 3 nights and it is brilliant as they will take the baby to the nursery all night for her so she can sleep and will feed the baby for her as she doesn't intend to BF.

I didn't pass comment as this is up to her but I can't help feeling a bit sad that her baby won't be with its mum for the first 3 nights of its life but will be with some stranger, both my DDs slept with me (on my chest) for first 3 nights.

AIBU?

yabu to put it here! but i agree with you

Why do you think that anything you'd say would make your friend 'feel guilty'? She has no reason to, she's not doing anything to feel guilty about. I doubt very much you'd inspire any shame in her OP; you'd just make yourself look judgemental and unsupportive.

YABU the baby will be cared for and that's all that matters , how would you feel if she was judging you for letting your babies sleep on your chest - some would say that's very dangerous especially when you're shattered after giving birth.

It's not for you to feel sad about though. In saying you feel sad, you are being judgemental and she will probably pick up on that even if you say nothing. Besides, many other women do exactly that - it's not as though she will be depriving the baby. Just accept that she is different to you.

Why would you feel sad about where someone else's baby sleeps? I'm sure the baby will be well looked after in the nursery, and your friend will be able to get some rest while she recovers from her operation.

Maybe it's not what you would have chosen to do, but we're all different. How would you feel if someone said they were 'sad' to think of you having your sleep disrupted by a newborn? Patronising and none of their business?

This was normal for our parents generation and is normal for women who are very ill after the birth. There isn't any evidence of traumatised babies.

DS was born 12years ago. He spent the first 2 of the 3 nights we were in (NHS) hospital in the nursery so I could sleep. He hasn't exactly been traumatised by it. YABU.

Beak OUT.

YABU. My brother was seriously ill when born, mum was not allowed to hold him.

He is 33 now, and doesn't remember any of this, it hasn't affected his bond with my mum at all although he is definitely my mums favourite child now

Yanbu.

I think it's a brilliant idea. The NHS hospital I had one of my children did this, the midwifes just come to wake you up when your baby is crying (I was breast feeding). You don't disturb the other women, everybody is better rested.

Compare this to another hospital I stayed in where the new mothers are woken up every half hour by somebody else baby crying. Add the stress you have trying to breast feed a crying baby while aware that you are keeping a load of knackered women awake.

Great your baby slept on your chest, you must be mum of the year.

Yes OP ditch the judginess, it's liberating it really is! Instead of feeling sad think about this from your friend's point of view. She's had one awful birth experience and is probably very anxious about the next one, the exhaustion she will have felt as a new mum will be all bound up in the horror of a hard labour and a poorly first child. She's probably trying to eliminate some of the things that she's scared of happening again - feeling exhausted and struggling to recover being one of them. If she feels handing the baby over for the first few nights may help her, if it's making her feel less anxious now, then that can only be a good thing. And I say this as a breastfeeding, homebirthing, co-sleeping lentil weaver.

Even if i wanted to I couldnt have slept with DC1 on my chest after a traumatic labour and an EMCS, I was far too shattered and it would have been risky. But with DD, I had a calm and peaceful ELCS so wasn't tired at all, and was happy to tend to DD throughout the night and didn't feel like I needed a break.
So your friend might be going on what her exprience was from her first birth. An elective c-section is not that tiring. Although was uncomfortable to move around.

I didn't even see ds for over 24 hours and didn't spend the night with him for over a week. The baby will just have been born, everyone will be 'some stranger'.

Some of us have no choice but to 'hand our babies over just hours after giving birth'. My son was taken and put in SCBU before I could move from my spinal block after my CS.

He's 3 now. Doesn't seem to have bothered him. But I'll ask him later.

YABVU

It is common practice where I gave birth for the MWs to take the babies overnight and bring them in just for feeding if the new mum is BFing, or, on request, to do at least one feed themselves. I was BFing but was happy for DD to have a FF with MW those first couple of nights.

Many new mums need a rest after either major surgery or a long childbirth (or both). In my case DD was far better off being cared for by people who knew what they were doing those first two nights than by me - morphed up to the eyeballs and an emotional knackered wreck.

And let's face it - it is unlikely a new mum will get the opportunity to have a full night's sleep again for at least a few weeks, possibly months.

I sometimes wonder whether OPs really think things through before posting such uninformed unsupportive and judgemental comments.

This is exactly what the nhs hospital did where I was born 30-odd years ago - think it was pretty normal back then.

After dd1 was born I was exhausted and quite traumatised and would have loved to have this option (though with the baby being brought to me for bf).

this was never going to end well....

F&W making her feel guilty maybe wasn't the right phrase, simply meant I am not going to go challenging her decisions. I don't think she feels judged...I haven't said anything she is a great mum.

Guess yes, it wouldn't be my choice and just surprised me how blase she was about it but yes her decision. Guess I had better back away from this thread now before I catch fire.

Not that many years ago, babies being taken to the nursery at night was common practice.

When ds1 and ds2 were born 25 and 23 years ago it was normal practise at our local NHS hospital. You could ask to be woken if you chose but there were a team of nurses for feeding and changing through the night. I don't remember asking to be woken tbh No harm done though they are both pretty normal strapping young men regardless.

So, YABU.

I say fair fucking play to the woman

I'm 24, was born at 2 am and whipped off to the nursery (NHS hosp) an hour or so later. I went every night for the next 2 weeks until I was discharged. I've always had a wonderful relationship with my mum.

Sounds like a good idea to me. If she needs to get over the trauma of the c section then a few nights sleep will do her the world of good. I guess she's still having the baby in with her during the day? Yep, i think it's a great plan and you are being unreasonable. I very much doubt it would cause any long term emotion harm to the baby.