To be fed up with my DD having to prop up the less able children

[endlesschatonthecarpet]

OK, I know I probably am being unreasonable and await a flaming! My daughter (in year 1) is very quick, very clever but not blessed with much patience! Because she is one of the top in the class she always seems to be paired with a talk partner who is finding the work more of a struggle. I completely understand that this can be useful sometimes, but it seems to happen every day and some days my DD comes hope very fed up and grumpy because she's had to "waste time". She gets what the task is once the teacher has done the initial set up and is keen to get going. This endless sitting on the carpet with whiteboards talking to another child who is not working at the same level is doing her head in! Now, I fully accept that the teacher has to consider the needs of all the children - not just my precious DD, but couldn't she at least sometimes just send the more able children off to get started while she does a bit more work with the others or pair up the bright children so they can really develop their ideas?

Obviously I've said to my DD that she needs to get on with whatever the teacher asks her to do and haven't given her any indication that I share her feelings about this practice but I do feel really frustrated on my daughter's behalf.
Anyone else feel the same or am I alone in my unreasonableness?

Oh and Sparks is so right that the perceptions of a child, whilst intentionally honest, can be very far from reality.

I don't ever remember once being annoyed when paired with a less able child, let alone seething with frustration or anything like that. At home I read almost constantly, used the library daily- there was no need for me to lose out in any way.

I hope ds isn't taken up another child time in school. He is the bottom of his class a struggles but it's not the job of his peers to bring him on

Oh and as someone trained in setting up similar schemes for children with ASD, proper practice where we are (not England) is that the school writes to the children involved in partnering and asks for parental permission. Our school always followed that protocol with ds1, and the parents were proud of their child being asked if anything- I can think of only one refusal ever.

@hawkmoon269. OK, fair enough, I'll believe you. What I mean is that I don't think the impressions that laymen (and a fortiori classmates) have of a small child's intelligence are in any sense accurate.

I know of one lady who decided that her child (aged four) absolutely must go up a year because she was so advanced because she used "the subjunctive voice" - "je veux que tu le fasses" rather than "je veux que tu le fais". Which in her view proves that her child was a genius and in my view proves that everyone in the child's universe was highly literate and said "je veux que tu le fasses" themselves.

The child did go up a year and ended up with a rather disappointing baccaulaureat. Sje'd have been much better staying with her age group.

Dc1 is well-behaved (in school!), sporty, bright and confident and has been used in this way as a pair partner and general all round good influence in a class that is boy-heavy. Last year I felt this was no problem, in fact could certainly see the benefits, as ds was a character who could take it, was also getting pushed at other times by his class teacher and it was benefiting his social skills - no idea how the other child felt about it though.

However, this academic year dc1 has coasted along, not being challenged much (death by worksheet and am going to have to do some actual teaching with him in the summer hols to firm up what he should know) but increasingly used as a class-assistant with two boys in particular.

It has to be done well in concert with other teaching done well for it to be a success, imo.

*No it's not and I am all for parents actually teaching their children things...But I don't see why she should have to 'top up' her daughter's education because she's not being stimulated at school?

What unfair logic for parents of gifted kids.*

Because that's what all parents should do!

And the OP's child has in no way been proven to be gifted. She's 5/6, not the brains of Britain!

My own dd although chatty really struggled academically in primary school and now is doing great in high school pretty good grades and some top sets , these children OP your child is 5 she isnt going to suffer because she is with this other kid, her education will be fine she needs to learn to stop being so grumpy imo

"Perhaps the teacher is hoping that this exercise will help her learn to be more patient with others?"

that's exactly what I thought! maybe the teacher thinks that time spend on social/team work activities is what she wants more than additional coursework at this stage!

My DD is experiencing the same thing, except she is 14 and beginning exams. I am worried for her because I do think her work is suffering for the constant group work, but I think you are maybe overreacting a little- she is still very young.

And another thing - yes, school life often can be unfair for the most academic children. Really unfair. And it makes me very cross for the children who don't get the education they deserve.

I had a conversation once with a group of teachers who felt that so long as pupils got their 5 A-C grades at GCSE they'd be ok. I asked about pupils who are able to get much higher grades and the general consensus was that there's not much difference between a string of B's and a string of A+'s because they're all good grades. When I pointed put that the difference between the grades was the difference between going on to read medicine or vet science (for example) I was told that I was being elitist.

I'm eternally grateful that I went to a school that wanted each individual child to do her best. If I'd been allowed to get B's at GCSE I wouldn't have stood a chance at getting to my chosen University to study my chosen subject.

And while what happens aged 5 or 6 isn't that vital in the grand scheme of things, it is still important for each child to achieve their best academically.. Also in music, art, games, making friends, bring kind etc. All are important but school is the one place that children should be able to rely on their academic needs being met - whatever their ability.

Sparks absolutely.

I have been given today a large set of vocab tasks for my youngest who refuses to talk in his SLT session.

As you say it's what all parents do; top up the schooling in whatever way necessary. most children will have an area of difficulty or talent, a skill that can;t be supported at school or a specific interest. Add that all together and you have education in it's fullest form.

Jamie, what is the purpose of talk time, then? My youngest is about to leave Primary school and I've not heard of it.

When my child was sat next to a more capable child, it was during the time when they were working on written tasks.

Sparks my point was I thought you were saying the OP should just lump it and 'top up,' didn't realise you were referring to normal education at home.

I'd just like to clarify something.

I certainly do NOT think little kids futures are set in stone and I am SO sorry if my posts came across that way! (My DP has such severe dyslexia he couldn't spell his own name until he was fourteen)

As for futures set in stone? I was marked with the gifted child brush. By Year 10 I was the same as everybody else. I did average on my exams. I just think ALL children deserved to be challenged. :)

I didn't mean come across as arrogant about dc1 (who got sent to bed early tonight!); in yr 1 he didn't even know that was what the teacher was doing, but this year he certainly does. Rather than talking about what he's been doing (worksheet) he gives me a detailed description of S's work instead!

At this age, classes tend to bob along at a similar level. Some children pick up stuff more easily, others less so. Streaming should (and does) happen later. Most decent schools should give extra tuition to children who are doing really well in a particular area and equally extra support to children who are struggling.

Honestly I despair of parents who fight to get their child into an 'academic' school at such a young age.

Many other European countries don't even start formal education until the age of 6 or 7. And I don't see the UK leading the world in terms of achievement.

There was a really interesting series of programmes interviewing child 'geniuses' last year on Radio 4. Many of them had crashed and burned at university level because they had zero social skills and had been nurtured by a system that valued their academic ability over their emotional intelligence. And once set free from the confines of heavily teacher-led education, they absolutely floundered.

Sorry, rather off topic. This is a bit of a pet topic :o

LeQueen, I suspect that is complicated because the 11 plus is age standardised. Some teachers tend to write off the younger pupils in a class, while age should not make a difference in the 11 plus.

At our school, talk time is used as an alternative to a "one child talks, whole class listens", scenario.

So, for example, they might be asked something like "what do you remember were the main features of a book review" (or something they did a day or two ago) and get 1 minute to discuss it.

This would be instead of the alternative of posing that question and only one child with their hand up getting to say something.

The whole group would then be brought back together to see what had been said.

@LeQueen. Which might be because passing the 11+ is also heavily influenced by the parent's social status, no? I'm not in the UK but the last time I was back my friends were complaining bitterly about the amount of specific tutoring required to get through.

I don't know if other teachers would agree with this? But, my friend has taught in a primary school for 16 years now, and she says she can very confidently predict by the end of Yr 1, which children will pass the 11+

I wouldn't know if that's accurate or not. But passing 11+ is neither the end of a child's education and certainly isn't the end adult who has to work with other people.

Going to school isn't, and shouldn't be just about being an academic machine.

It's about a more rounded education that includes social skills. Certainly at 5/6 years old anyway!

This could have been my own Dd all through School & nursery - actually initially at times it was, but instead of feeling frustrated for her & secretly agreeing with her grumpiness at being paired up with & therefore helping less able DCs, I encouraged her to engage with them & actually help them.

Which IMHO is exactly what you should be doing for your own DD too - you say she's not patient - then she needs to learn how to be - the exchange set up by the teacher enables BOTH DCs to learn something valuable - for your DD, that would be patience AND kindness

Lets face it, she may be clever & able now, but who is to say how she will be when the others catch up - early years are difficult because ability varies so much, but you will find that many of the less able DCs are just less mature & WILL catch up - this could well leave your own DD flagging behind - what then when SHE needs this extra peer help -- will you feel equally frustrated for her that she's not getting it ???

My own DD is now still way ahead & I'm always very proud to see her school reports & the comments on how clever & hard working she is - but what really makes my heart full to bursting, is the comments on how kind & helpful she is to others - it hasn't held her back at all - just made her a much more rounded & lovely human being :)

Do yourself & your DD a favour - instead of complaining - see it as an opportunity to teach her how to be a more caring, more rounded less selfish human being

if she's still as able in years to come, the School will have G&T strategies in place to help keep her engaged anyway

YANBU at all.

I cannot emphasize enough how demoralising it is to feel that you are supposed to be profiting from something and that instead you're having to pick up the pieces for everyone else as well rather than getting ahead. Maybe that sounds very selfish, but then education is a selfish thing, in the broadest sense. And when it carries on for 12 years it isn't just annoyance anymore, it becomes a mindset which doesn't bode well for late. It is very frustrating to make big efforts to have to fit in especially when the other child usually doesn't try and work super hard to make it a joint effort- the first kid just dumbs down. Sometimes it was nice because people were happy to have me for a partner, but often that was so they could coast or win against the other team (gosh, doesn't that sound awful, so arrogant!). Otherwise "brainy" just became an insult. I coasted and they coasted. Lose-lose situation.
You find other ways to learn how to get on with kids- in the playground, although that's frustrating too- not when you're supposed to be shooting ahead and learning. It's when your memory's like a sponge and every little new thing you latch onto! Why be weighted down.

But the OP's DD isn't being work that's too easy for her. She is complaining because she has talking partners she doesn't like. It's talking partners - designed to check a child's verbal reasoning, explanations of certain topics, understanding of topics. It;s also designed to teach children to listen and communicate with others. It's part of carpet time which most Infant aged children will do daily for most subjects.

Differentiated work is set at tables and IME the teacher tends to work with a different group each week for each subject. Most Infant classes have 5 groups. Top, bottom, middle ability and then the higher middles and the lower middles. 80% of children reach national expectations in SATS - these are generally your middle 3 groups. Say they are group 1-5, the teacher will work with group 1 Monday for Literacy and group 2 Monday for maths. This will change daily. 'top' groups get as much input as 'lower ability' groups.

If the OP's DD cannot abide to talk to someone she perceives as less bright for 2-3 minutes a day then she clearly isn't as above her peers as it stated.

Education is NOT just about numeracy, literature & science etc - its about learning life skills too - you do your DCs no favours at all - but if you want to be parenting selfish brats - carry on - on your own head be it