To be fed up with my DD having to prop up the less able children

[endlesschatonthecarpet]

OK, I know I probably am being unreasonable and await a flaming! My daughter (in year 1) is very quick, very clever but not blessed with much patience! Because she is one of the top in the class she always seems to be paired with a talk partner who is finding the work more of a struggle. I completely understand that this can be useful sometimes, but it seems to happen every day and some days my DD comes hope very fed up and grumpy because she's had to "waste time". She gets what the task is once the teacher has done the initial set up and is keen to get going. This endless sitting on the carpet with whiteboards talking to another child who is not working at the same level is doing her head in! Now, I fully accept that the teacher has to consider the needs of all the children - not just my precious DD, but couldn't she at least sometimes just send the more able children off to get started while she does a bit more work with the others or pair up the bright children so they can really develop their ideas?

Obviously I've said to my DD that she needs to get on with whatever the teacher asks her to do and haven't given her any indication that I share her feelings about this practice but I do feel really frustrated on my daughter's behalf.
Anyone else feel the same or am I alone in my unreasonableness?

@alphabite I appreciate your experience but its not the case the method works all the time for all children and maybe OPs child is one of htem.

plus I don't work with people of mixed ability. I work with very highly educated people, largley privately educated oxbridge types who never had their learning impinged by being expected to help less able people, and are baffled by the suggestion. i certainly don't get extra points for making it through my education in mixed abilty classes. the rich and powerful simply have no concept of the idea. Its not good, but it is my experience.

while I agree with the other posters I got a RL flaming from a mum at school, My DS was paired with her daughter, while he's not naughty he was struggling with reading back in class 2 - Her DD is very bright top of the class.

My DS came home full of beans saying it was great he was learning loads as this girl was helping him, she was being kind etc.

So the next day in the playground I said to the mum, Oh thanks by the way your DD is being lovely to my DS and really helping him.

You know the answer I got... "Well that's Lovely but it's not doing my DD much good really is it, she get's dragged down by him"

I was dumbstruck, what a totally nasty piece of work. (I've yet to hold another conversation with said parent)

Not sure where I'm going with this but maybe just a reminder that your DD is helping someone on a daily basis, maybe her help will be building confidence in another child and surely for a small period of time she can learn from that as well?

In RL the mum spoke to the the school and asked if her DD could be moved onto the bright table, which happened and 2 years on she continues to be a very smart girl with friends only in the top group of the class. A very sad way to live life based only on academic ability?

I agree with alphabite

Also, the pairing might not be because your DD is brighter, the teacher might have paired her with that partner for a completely different reason.

Speak to the teacher though.

cabbage that is very very sad, what a horrible attitude that mother has!

''YANBU. The R/Y1 class I work in uses talk partners, but not that often. It's certainly not every day. I don't believe that a brighter child will be getting anywhere near as much out of the exercise as a less able peer. They might be learning something, but the academic lessons are not the time for children to be learning to mix with other groups of children. I also think that while they do learn from teaching other children, there are other ways that those lessons can be gained, and I don't think that explaining something to a child that doesn't understand is going to benefit the brighter child at all, it is more likely to be frustrating for them. There is no reason why the brighter children can't teach each other stuff at that age, and then the one doing the teaching actually gets to feel like they have taught.''

Yes. I taught for many years but I clearly have no idea. My children 'happened' to move on 3 sublevels a year through no thought of my own.
In fact I firmly believe well thought out talk partners is a massive part of good progress.

My dcs got used over the years and it hasn't been a problem for them or me.

A child's ability in Yr 1 is not a reliable guide as to their ultimate intelligence. Children develop at very different rates and some of those you feel your daughter is currently 'propping up' may well find themselves in a position to help her, in three or four years time.

alphabit I was always paired up to read with a boy who couldn't read well. Because it was such a tiny school I endured this for two long years. It shattered my confidence being picked on, and I started to assume I must be 'as dumb as him.' (remembering I'm paraphrasing my six-eight year old self) It was bloody awful. Did him no good either because I was afraid of him.

When we went to the same high school I eventually realised he was a nice guy, and as an adult I see the teasing was borne of frustration but I fail to see how that scenario was worth it. Neither of us benefited from it.

''@alphabite I appreciate your experience but its not the case the method works all the time for all children and maybe OPs child is one of htem.

plus I don't work with people of mixed ability. I work with very highly educated people, largley privately educated oxbridge types who never had their learning impinged by being expected to help less able people, and are baffled by the suggestion. i certainly don't get extra points for making it through my education in mixed abilty classes. the rich and powerful simply have no concept of the idea. Its not good, but it is my experience.''

It might not work for EVERY child. Nothing is fool proof. However a daughter throwing a strop about it doesn't mean it isn't working. It might be that the fault is with the daugher not the lower ability child. As for your argument about working in a highly educated world, how many people can say the same? That certainly isn't the norm and I am saying that as a 'highly' educated person myself who came from mixed ability classes at school and indeed in higher education.

Overmydeadbody yep - she's a nasty one that's for sure, karma came and bit her on the arse very soon after though. The whole playground rallied around and I'm afraid to say I couldn't give a toss.

I did think it was sad but I do get where OP is coming from just maybe looking from the other side sometimes helps.

I'm not saying you have no idea alphabite, I'm just offering a different point of view. No teaching technique is so perfect that it will work well for every child.

Doesn't the fact that OPs dd is complaining about this tell you anything?

I had a private education and was absolutely placed with kids who were struggling. I was also placed with the constantly tearful girl who wet herself (not fun). She needed protection from bullies and I was strong enough to do it. It hones your own understanding to explain to another and it's the kind thing to do. Private education offers a range of benefits, so it's a bit simplistic to say they got ahead because they didn't have to mix with someone less intelligent. Also, bear in mind that perhaps they didn't know because they were the ones being paired with someone brighter!

''alphabit I was always paired up to read with a boy who couldn't read well.''
so was I. Many of them in fact.
I enjoyed helping, perhaps that was why I eventually became a teacher.

''Doesn't the fact that OPs dd is complaining about this tell you anything?'' Yes it tells me she is throwing a strop and needs to learn to mix with others. At least that is how it read. I could be wrong. I don't know the girl.

I basically taught another child. I definately taught her to read. The teachers cba with the kids who were ahead so just sat us with lesser able kids. Sometimes telling us directly to teach them in other rooms etc.
It wasn't fair.

I'm signing off this thread for now. Everyone is entitled to their opinions but I find it sad that some parents seem to find their dear children so precious that god forbid they would mix with children who find learning difficult.

I hope the OP sorts out the issue to her satisfaction.

Maybe. Personally, I don't believe that work time is when she should be learning that. Y1 classes should offer plenty of opportunities to mix with everyone, so she can be taught that particular lesson in other ways. Her needs deserve to be met as much as anyone else's.

My child was your child, but I have to say never complained about it; until the other child started to get resentful.
The other child appeared to get quite pissed off and several times ripped up work done by my dc and then started to get verbally and physically aggressive.
I'm not suggesting for one minute that this would happen, but if you are not happy, I think you should see the teacher.
I have never heard the term 'ghost child' before but it appears my dc has fulfilled that role too.

Actually I'm going into a field to help abuse victims in third world countries so not particularly appreciating the inference thanks.

I was being bullied by that kid. Teachers all knew about it, but someone had to be paired with him. Evidentially I drew the short end of the straw.

I think it can be a great idea but if it is actually impeding on either/or's learning, it becomes unfair.

I agree Outraged Plenty of time to socialize.

I love to read. I was getting through the second Harry Potter book and was forced to put it down to read very simple picture books with this boy who teased me mercilessly. Not fair at all.

Hmm. This is already happening to my DD and a few of the DCs in her nursery class who have hearing/speech impediments, so I have been thinking about this a bit recently.

I tend to agree with the previous poster who said it is good experience for later in life. I'm also quick to catch on and can think of numerous occasions when I've been frustrated with colleagues who aren't intelligent in that way. I think this kind of pairing is teaching her some patience and social skills, and it has obviously been done for a reason. I'm quite proud of her having been chosen for this.

Lurking, it clearly was a case of bullying which should have been dealt with. Both kids should flourish.

Discuss your concerns with the teacher and see of you can reach a compromise.

you are not unreasonable. they did it to me in the early sixties, they did it to my daughter in the mid eighties. bright child as teaching assistant. its supposed to be good for them to help. it isn't right and it isn't fair - but if you complain you'll be made to feel that you and your child are evil people who won't help others.

i am a teacher too, and i'm not annoyed by the op. i'm annoyed by the system that says my bright child has to coach the ones whose parents haven't supported their learning, or who are not blessed with the speed and agility of mind that my child is. that might not be their fault, but its not my child's fault either.

there is absolutely no need for your daughter to mix with less-bright children to avoid 'trouble in life', as someone suggests. think - how many of your former classmates do you hang around with?

find a private school that appreciates talent.

I don't remember any of this from primary school. My best friend wasn't the brightest in academic terms but she was great at art/music/sport which I wasn't. We were sat beside each other in reception and that's how we became friends.

Later on in school we were placed boy, girl, boy, girl because the girls 'want to talk to each other too much' and the boys 'would fight'...

OP - speak to the teacher and see what's going on. Explain to your daughter that she's helping and try asking her casually about what her talk partner is like. Does she tell you exactly what they do? Is it a task thing or more of a discussion?