AIBU to want my ILs to use my name?

[sc2987]

I want to bring my daughter up calling me by my name, rather than Mummy (please note I am not asking if IABU about this, I am happy with this choice).

I have been very careful to find out and use the names my ex and his family wish to be known by (the two great-grandmothers are Nanny X and Great Granny, grandmother is Nanny, grandfather is Grandpa, father is Daddy).

They all know I want to be known as but insist on calling me Mummy. As I rarely have the opportunity to refer to myself by name, presumably she is going to pick Mummy up in preference.

It would be fine if they were using it as a descriptive label, in the same way as e.g. sister (your sister has a toy for you), but in any case where they would use the sister's name, I would prefer my name to be used.

I haven't been pushy about this, I stated it before she was born, and a couple of times since when relevant (i.e. they were talking about when she might learn to say the word).

I think if my ex would go along with it, they would too, but he is abusive and not likely to agree to anything unless there's something in it for him.

Bumdrop, you sound both ignorant and prejudiced. Just in case you were interested (I think you might not be).

Judgemental much? bumdrop jeez

Holy fuck.

I call my dad dad, my mum I used to call Mum (she's dead but I still call her Mum), my gran is gran, my Aunts are Auntie - actually, I think I may call them by their first name now, but Gran will always be Gran.

I'm not sure why Mums think it's a job description - surely it's the same for Dads and Grandparents?

At school, I would (if there was no "circumstances") refer to a parent as "Mum, dad or your carer"? Is that your Mummy / Mum over there? Is that your Dad / daddy? (Depending on the age of the child )

Mind you, if I don't know the relationship, it's usually is that your adult?

I would feel strange saying to a child "Is that...?" It sounds too "familiar" as I always call a parent as Ms, Miss, Mrs or Mr. I've never had a parent want to be called by their first name.

Come on, cut the pretentious, right on, crap.
Why make a little girl's life more difficult in an interpersonally difficult situation ???
This is about op trying to have some sense of control, in a sutuation where she has felt challenged in terms of control,
Thats not the kids fault.

I love being mum/mummy as only my children can call me that. I am many things and mum is only one part but it's special. Your shout but I can see why in laws may struggle.

All the posters who think this is weird, will cause identity/social issues etc. for the DC - have you any experience of this?

I (and my siblings) have always called my dad by his first name and never 'Daddy', 'Dad' or any similar variant. OK this was actually my DM's choice rather than his but I can honestly say it has never caused me any problems - I don't think of him as anything 'less' than my dad (and learnt quickly enough to refer to him as 'my dad' to a third party (just as kids learn the difference between 'mummy' and 'my mum'. And I rather like the fact that as an adult there was no awkward transition from 'Daddy' or 'Dad' to something more grown-up!

Sorry no idea how to get the DGPs etc on side, just wanted to say the OP is really not setting her DC up for a lifetime of problems and issues by getting them to call her by her first name.

SC whilst they should respect your choice I think you may have a bit of an up hill battle.

I am stunned at some of the posts on this thread about how children will be traumatised by calling their parents by their first names. From a very young age I called my parents by their first names and it didn't affect my relationship with them at all. My mum died when I was a teenager but my dad remained one of my best friends right up until his death a couple of years ago.

I am in my forties and my parents weren't remotely trendy they just preferred us to used their names .

No advice on how to get the ILs to respect your choice, but I'm laughing at how passionately a lot of people are calling you selfish for your preference (which wasn't even meant to be up for discussion...)

Side note to the other posters who said they did the same with their mothers - cool. I like the reasoning that your mothers wanted to be known by their names, not by their job description/role etc. Although for me, either my name or a mother-type word would be fine.

Funnily enough, in some other cultures it's very common to call your daughter 'Daughter' or your son 'Son'... a lot of the reasoning behind calling a mother 'Mummy' could also apply to children, but I don't see anyone here arguing for that.

In some other cultures is the key to that question.

Anyway. I don't give two tosses what your kids call you. What I find very telling is how many times the words 'job description ' have been used when referring to mummy etc. Argue it all you like but if you honestly feel that being a mother is purely a job, then you're on a different page to the majority.

It's not about what people hear because I don't really want to be called Mummy at home alone either. I just don't at all identify with the word used in place of my name (rather than just as a description of my relationship to her), so would rather not be put in the position of having to answer to it

My apologies OP - I am real believer in each to their own....But that^ sounds soooo cold and self serving.

I love being mum too. There are only three people in the world who get to call me mum, and it's a very very special thing.

I can't ever imagine feeling diminished by being mum. I'm proud of it.

I don't think anyone posting thinks it's "just" a job, from what they've said. It's a description of a relationship/role, but couching it in those terms doesn't mean you feel like a manager to your children. Maybe if you used that term that's the way you would be feeling when you said it, but not everyone is the same.

And OP - you sound very contrived as well.

I find it strange that u want ur child 2 call u by ur name. Being called mum is the best thing i can b called. Some of my friends call their parents by their name n i find it disrespectful. It feels like theres no love and affection.
Your child will call u wat they want so theres not much u can do about it.

I think you're trying too hard to be different.

And I also think you're being a dick about it all too. Sorry.

That's a bit harsh Pictish.

As far as special names go, the version of my name I would encourage her to call me is a shortening that only my closest family and partners have ever used. I don't think a special name is necessary anyway, to be a good and complete mother. But if you do, she already has one, so never fear :)

Sorry - but when a mother says she 'doesn't want to be put in the position' of answering to mum - I think that's harsh.

Very selfy.

It's not the OP who's being a dick, pictish.

Why does having a baby mean you have to adopt the linguistic customs of the south of England?

The word "mum" makes my teeth itch.

I was never allowed to call my mother that. We use Mam/Mammy.

The selfish bitch having her own ideas about what she wanted to be called!

Once you're a "mummy" you aren't supposed to think things any more, unless it is about mushed up food or school uniforms.

I don't think it really matters what a child calls their parent.
What I am referring to, is the OP's attitude about it, which seems very rigid.

I think some of you are having trouble separating the word from the role. It doesn't matter what you call it (hence different cultures having different words, and not all of them even involve some translation/equivalent of Mum), only what you do. There's no inherent psychological need for a child to call their mother a certain word.

Therefore to me, Mummy is simply not my name. Just like at work when my colleague used to call me Barbara as an in-joke (it's not my name) I had trouble remembering and recognising that Barbara was supposed to be me, and making sure I answered to it. Mummy would be the same.

I have no objections to being her mother, and the relationship that entails, or using the word as a description like any other relationship word, only the use of the word in direct place of my name.

Therefore to me, Mummy is simply not my name. Just like at work when my colleague used to call me Barbara as an in-joke (it's not my name) I had trouble remembering and recognising that Barbara was supposed to be me, and making sure I answered to it. Mummy would be the same

You see? That's tosh isn't it? No-one has difficulty realising that mum or dad refers to them, unless they are determined to.

And the only real reason that someone would be determined to have difficulty in realising that 'mum' refers to themselves, is a person that's just desperate to be different.
That's why I think it's try-hardy and contrived.