AIBU to want my ILs to use my name?

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I want to bring my daughter up calling me by my name, rather than Mummy (please note I am not asking if IABU about this, I am happy with this choice).

I have been very careful to find out and use the names my ex and his family wish to be known by (the two great-grandmothers are Nanny X and Great Granny, grandmother is Nanny, grandfather is Grandpa, father is Daddy).

They all know I want to be known as but insist on calling me Mummy. As I rarely have the opportunity to refer to myself by name, presumably she is going to pick Mummy up in preference.

It would be fine if they were using it as a descriptive label, in the same way as e.g. sister (your sister has a toy for you), but in any case where they would use the sister's name, I would prefer my name to be used.

I haven't been pushy about this, I stated it before she was born, and a couple of times since when relevant (i.e. they were talking about when she might learn to say the word).

I think if my ex would go along with it, they would too, but he is abusive and not likely to agree to anything unless there's something in it for him.

ahh OP you aren't going to get any real sensible answers on your query i'm afraid, because despite pointing out that you've made your decision with regards to her using your name that's all people seem to be able to comment on

my eldest started using my first name when he was about 3 or 4. he says it's because it's my name, so of course he uses it. he does the same with his dad.

his 2 younger siblings picked up on this too, and use our first names too, although they do sometimes use mummy/daddy as well

If I were you I would just keep correcting them, and maybe point out to them (again)that it's not very nice to keep undermining your parenting choices in front of your dadughter.

i can understand that sometimes they would say mummy, because they just will- it's what people naturally say I think. but i suspect there is more to it than that in your case.

and agree with GrahamTribe!

Curry Mine too!

I love being Mummy. I was sad when it changed to Mum, tbh! At least I still have one squidgy one that says Mummy! And there is nothing like that little sigh of Mummy when they are all sleepy/unwell and snuggle up for a cuddle. It makes my heart melt. Wouldn't be the same if they used my name.

I know someone whose DC have called her by her given name since they could talk. They seem to have turned out ok. Wouldn't be my choice but unto each their own I suppose. As for getting everyone to fall in line - I think non-hysteria is the way to go - just gentle correction when needed. Many people will find this odd and may need time to adjust.

juicyorange.. trust me.. it's just the same!

YANBU to want your DCs to call you by your first name. One of the advantages to this is you can pretend they are nothing to do with you while out in public

My 2 DDs always called me by my first name when they were little, I don't know why but it felt natural to me as that is the name I was always used to. They always called their father Daddy though. Now they are older (late teens) they call me Mummy and my youngest DD calls estranged father by his first name (he doesn't like it!)

But YABU to care what your XILs think of this! Screw 'em!

YANBU to want them to use your name if that's your choice, but I have no idea how you're going to make them do it. Ultimately your DD will use the name she's most comfortable with for you and I expect that will be mum/mummy, especially once she gets to school.

You do realise everyone you meet will assume you're the childminder?

Sorry but are you having some sort of identity crisis? That's the only reason I can possibly think of as to why you'd not let your own child call you mummy/mum.

I think you're being very unreasonable expecting anyone else to follow this rule.

Whilst it's clearly your choice, therefore you are NBU, I'm not sure what you can do about it!

They will call you what they call you. As it's "mummy" and not something rude, you can't do much about it. And it's worth getting the understanding strategies clear now, given that 99% of the people your DD will interact with will refer to you as that. School, for example; the general term will be "mummy" as in, "is that your Mummy?", "give mummy or daddy this letter" etc etc. So your best bet is just to say to DD, "well, I am your Mummy, just as you are my daughter. But in our family I call you HerName, and you call me MyName, don't we?"

I know some children call their parent by their first name, but i think it's a bit different when it's the child's choice to use the actual name than when the child's mother is going don't call me mummy, don't call me mummy, call me bertha, that's my name. I think that has the potential to make a child feel bad. Like the parent doesn't want to be their 'mummy'. But you sound like you've factored that into your decision and have made all sorts of plans to ensure that your child grows up knowing that you do in fact want to be their mum, it's just a name, not a statement. A rose by any other name and all that

However, the above is probably what your inlaws are thinking/feeling/fearing. You are going to need to make sure they understand that this has nothing to do with how much you want your child. That you love and want your daughter very much and you are her mum and you want to be! and it's not about distancing yourself in any way.

as an aside, if your daughter does call you mum, how are you going to handle that? If she wants to. Are you going to say "don't call me mum, my name is Bertha" or will you let her?

your name is your name, mummy is a job description. Its a useful job description and you may just have to get over it a bit. Your DD may use your name or some variant on it as she learns to talk, she will know what your name is, other people do call you by your name after all, and you are happy to refer to yourself in the 3rd person by name.

A whole host of people in the next few years will start to talk with your DD WITH OUT you being in control of the conversation. Some of them will know your name some will not, many will assume your DD has a "mummy" . Preschool for instance, may refer to "your mummies and daddies", rather than " jane and jim and harry and daddy and fred and janice and sarah". Tho if they are being careful they may talk about "your grown up" to get round all the possible family circumstances

FWIW - DS does call me by my name and refers to me by name. It bugs my MiL no end but there is nowt she can do about it, he chooses to use my name. It intrigues teachers but I assure them that its normal for DS . He is now 6 and has used my name from starting to talk. He does sometimes call me mum/ mummy, I don't mind.

"But you ARE mummy because you had a child. "

I had a child, and I'm not "mummy".

I'm a mother.

My DDs call me Mommy/Mamaí.

I have no interest in being called the same thing as a bandaged monters from Scooby Doo.

"At the end of the day, your child will call you want SHE wants to call you. It isn't up to you ime."

Well if it's not up to her, why are you all giving her such a hard time for having an opinion on it?

Presumably if the child decides with no input from anyone else none of you are Mummy but are called random things like Spade and Aloyshius?

I used to think calling your parents by their first names was cool, when I was 14 or something.
Now I just think it's try-hardy and a bit laughable.

Don't do it OP - kids take a certain comfort in mum or dad.

You know what she meant AThing. Mummy, mother, mom, it's all the same, whichever is acceptable. A child should be able to call their own mother one of these.

I encouraged all my kids to call me ratspeaker, I still sign all my cards to them 'ratty' it made it easier if out in the park if they shouted ratty to get my attention rather than mum
One of my friends did question it but as I said its my name why shouldnt anyone use it.
Had to let it slide over me when others used mum or mummy to refer to me ie nursery staff, teachers, nurses, grandparents etc etc
I know who I am and am happy in any guise

I've noticed as they've grown older they introduce me to their friends as my mum, ratspeaker though I have heard them say MOTHER! (with rolled eyes) when they think I'm being silly

Fwiw I HATE the word Mum and Mummy...they're ugly words. Like bum and bummy...or thumb....cum....they kind of FLUMP out.

They're Mumsy and frowsy and plain and fat words.

Mother is elegant. But I'd be mean to make my DC call me that!

rat when my DD wen thrugh a phase of calling me Nerd, I let her and liked it...she calls her paternal Gran by her first name too....she likes it as she never felt like a "gran" at all.

Eventually though you have to accept what your children choose to call you same when you become a grandparent, you may think you want some fanciful name but they will settle with whats comfy to them

Ratspeaker and TheSpokenNerd, your posts made me laugh :o

"Mummy, mother, mom, it's all the same, whichever is acceptable. A child should be able to call their own mother one of these."

Why?

Why? Can I ask why not? Children get comfort from having a mum, a name tag for that woman who feeds them, clothes them, nags them... What about when they go to school? What about when they're talking to their friends about you?
If they want to call you buy your name, then fair enough. But give them the bloody chance to call you by what you are.

I'd be proud to have the title of mum. Why are people acting like its something to be ashamed of

By*

I love my kids calling me mummy or mum. It feel special. Everyone else calls me by my name so having 2 people calling me mum is nice. calling your mother by her first name sounds very formal for such an intimate relationship.
Admittedly when they were about 3 and going "mummy mummy" every few seconds I used to wish mummy was someone else, but now they're teenagers and are otherwise often more distant the name is nice.
I think it's creepy when spouses call each other "mum" and "dad" though. You definitely should only call your parents these names.

I suspect from the OPs post that her childs gps arent going to take any notice and if she makes a fuss they will know it irks her, and do it even more

btw as both DH and I had divorced parents all grandparents, including step, were Gran or Grandad first name again as they got older they chose to call some by first name only, mostly when the rest of the family called the grandparents by first name

I'm sorry I can't help. I'd refer to you as mummy as well. Aren't you being a bit of an attention-seeker..?