To think MNers should make a stand and stop this competitive gift giving to primary teachers?

[LoopyLoopsCorgiPoops]

When did this nonsense begin? Is it really necessary? Just stop for crying out loud, they do get paid.

It will only get worse and worse unless people start to rein things in. AIBU to think we (MN) should change the trend?

YABU to think you have the right to dictate what others do. If you don't want to give your DC's teacher a gift, then don't. It is in no way expected by teachers). But I fully intend to get something for my DTD's teacher, as I feel she has gone above and beyond what is expected of her to encourage not just their progress with reading, but their creativity, their love of learning and their general day-to-day enjoyment of school. They are in Yr 1, and have had a fabulous year.

I know she gets paid, but it's hardly the point.

I think you're missing the point.

what ET said

'phone home'?

Am I? What is the point then?

Get them a big glass bottle of bubble bath from M&S with a nice ribbon on it and maybe some chocolate. Was enough 'in my day'.

Perhaps I didn't explain my point very well. I don't mean the gift giving per se, I mean the competitive element. Fine, if the teacher has gone above and beyond the call of duty, it's lovely to give a gift. But so often on here (and in RL, I'm a teacher) I hear of families struggling financially yet they feel that they have to buy an expensive gift. Home-made by kids is fine. Vouchers? Really?

Im open mouthed at some of the threads. Everyone putting £10 in? Bloody ridiculous. Whatever happened to making them a shite pen holder?

But surely it's up to individuals to do as they want. I put a £20 m&s voucher in my dd teachers card last yr as she was retiring after teaching all of her career. She was an amazing teacher and made dds year an enjoyable one. I did not tell anybody else about this as it wasn't anybody else's business. Just like its none of yours what I choose to give! So yes yabu!

I agree. No-one should feel pushed about it and should do what they wish or can afford or not at all if they so desire.

The thread about the class collection and the 'suggested' amount to donate. I wouldn't get involved in something like that.

I staunchly refuse to do teacher presents. Dd2 loves this years teacher and on Monday we will make a card together for her. Given the amount of po faced comments on MN about people buying presents for grown up friends and family at Christmas, I'm surprised so many people subscribe to the teacher thing.

For local authority teachers, I am also really surprised their isn't a cap on the value of gift they are allowed to accept. There is for every other public sector employee.

But whre has this come from? When you were in primary school, did your parents do this? When did it start? It wasn't until recently that I had heard of it.

No, it's none of my business what you decide to spend your money on. But the fact remains that it has become so normalised that it makes other parents, and particularly children, feel like they have to conform to this expensive convention to fit in. That's not on IMO.

'phone home'?

That's just made me cough up a chunk of kidney

lolo at phone home, brilliant

v good, v good, indeed

Um, I wonder if you think I'm guilty of competitive present giving as I started a genuine thread a while ago asking if teachers compared gifts. Things is, it's only competitive if you discuss your gift(s) with other Parents and I don't.

Posted on another thread that I think it is getting out of hand. I am a teacher and can't believe any LA allows others to accept lavish gifts. We don't do the same for other public servants and it just seems wrong someohow, particularly when the value is so high. Maybe, if you must, a bottle of wine or flowers but no to high pressure whip rounds to generate £££. I would find it embarrassing, particularly as I earn far more than the parents of many I teach. I am paid well and love my job but being good to children and helping them is my job and doesn't need additional reward.

I think the 'phone home' should be framed and hung on wall. Excellent reply

I dont buy presents for teachers.
Its not that I dont think they do a good job or that I dont appreciate them.
Its just not something I grew up with and when my older children were at school it wasnt done then either.

I just dont get it.
I dont buy presents for any other public sector worker (I am a public sector worker) but I will sometimes write a note and I always say thankyou.

I dont expect presents from my families but am always express my sincere thanks if I do get something.

But why do we need to do it? My DS (for e.g.) has contact with many professionals from the public sector who do wonderful things for him. I couldnt possibly buy them all presents. So why do teachers get picked out?

Really, really not anti teacher and I do honestly respect the profession, I just dont understand this trend.

No, not you necessarily (maybe though, you'd have to answer that yourself).

The mafiosi-style £20-or-you're-out-of-the-club types. The children who compare and make those with no presents or home-made presents feel bad.

Perhaps this is coming from my personal experience of being poor when I was a child and feeling isolated because I didn't have a bumbag. Or the correct uniform. Or a cartoon character lunchbox. Or whatever.

Also might be affected by me being a secondary teacher. Presents are rare for us. Maybe I'm just jealous?

I gave my teacher a hand-written letter (on Sooty notepaper) and a small gift when I left reception in 1960. So it's something I've always done and so have my children. At secondary we give something for a special teacher whereas at primary it was every year. I've never got involved in checking out other parents' gifts - sounds weird.

I'm an ex teacher and I've been gobsmacked at some of the gifts I hear about. I thinjk that LA teachers shouldn't be able to accept gifts other than small token ones. If they receive anythuing else it should be refused/declared/shared.

I now work with offenders and we aren't allowed to accept personal gifts at all. If we do get given flowers or chocolates they have to be declared/displayed/shared.

If I receive anything from a client in the organisation where I counsel I have to declare it and they decide if it's appropriate for me to keep it. Flowers and chocolate are ok: cash and vouchers aren't.

In any case parents shouldn't feel under pressure to spend. A thank you card or letter is much appreciated though.

I can sort of see where the OP is coming from.

When DD was in Y1 one of the mums who I was vaguely friendly with approached me to say she was organizing a collection for the teacher and they were all putting in £10. I was a bit taken aback as I wasn't expecting anything like that but I thought it might be the norm so I just said "Oh OK" and stumped up - even though I had already had DD helping me to make some lemon curd that she could give as a home-made gift to her teacher.

Thing was I know this other mum did not approach all the class, only the people she knew. So on the last morning this teacher was presented with a whopping great gift voucher that had come from about half the class while all the other children were taking in a box of chocolates or whatever.

Fortunately she was a lovely woman - DD was solemnly handing her the lemon curd just after she got the voucher but she made as big a fuss of that as she did the voucher

Yanbu at all.

Tbh I am very surprised teachers are allowed to accept the lavish gifts (meaning the ££££ of vouchers not a box of biscuits)

My regulatory body (nmc) would certainly not allow this.

YANBU op. I find the gift giving very strange and ds does a card mainly because he wants to give something because everyone else is. I particularly think vouchers is going too far. Retirement present= fine though.